Blue Hug Sweetheart Circle to a Less Close Circle Disk 4, Story 7
“Jumping Backwards”
Synopsis of the Story
In this story Faith provides an alternate scenario for her relationship trajectory with Scott. She imagines that the relationship does not continue to be mutually satisfying, but rather creates a scenario where Scott’s behavior indicates a loss of intimacy in their relationship. Scott unnecessarily picks a fight and accuses Faith of flirting with others as a way to signal his dissatisfaction with this exclusive relationship. It is not clear whether or not they will break up.
Faith denies these accusations, but Scott says he does not believe her. He walks out without wanting to discuss this issue. Faith recognizes the signs of distance growing between them.
Faith interprets these signals as meaning that she and Scott are not as close as they used to be.
Faith realizes it is better to be alone than with a person who treats her badly or does not want to be with her. Faith knows that just as people can get closer in their circle relationships, sometimes they have to jump backwards and have more distant circle relationships too.
Making Your Point
Explain to participants that this is an alternate ending to the story of Faith and Scott.
Faith and Scott begin this story already in the Sweetheart Spot in the Blue Hug Circle, but they are not getting along well anymore. Scott is discontent with staying home and spending an intimate evening alone with Faith. He does not want to talk things over so he picks a petty argument with Faith and does not believe her when she denies being a flirt. He walks out! These losses of touch talk and trust signal his dissatisfaction with this exclusive relationship.
Faith does not want to have a sweetheart who does not trust her. She is not afraid of not having a boyfriend. Being without a boyfriend is much better than being with a boyfriend who does not respect or trust you.
Faith recognizes that Scott may have to leave the Sweetheart Spot in her Blue Hug Circle and go into a circle that is further away. She knows if Scott has to jump backwards into a more distant circle that it will reduce their level of intimacy and alter the boundary limits of touch, talk, and trust in their relationship.
Key Objectives:
- To show an example of a relationship that is moving from an intimate Circle to a more distant one, jumping backwards.
- To illustrate that it is natural sometimes for relationships to take a backwards jump and become more distant.
- To show how dissatisfaction in a relationship can be communicated.
- To illustrate how the loss of touch, talk, and trust are signals that communicate a relationship is growing more distant.
Sequential Process
Step 1:
Teacher will begin by reviewing the past session: replaying the video from the previous meeting, stressing the most important points and eliciting answers and comment from participants.
Step 2:
Inform participants that today they will learn that sometimes there is a jump backwards in relationships from a closer circle to a more distant one.
Step 3:
Show Disc 4, Story 7: “Jumping Backwards” pausing when the story is concluded.
Step 4:
Elicit the following information from the participants, replaying the video if desired or needed:
- This story is a bad dream that Faith had, that did not really happen, but is used to illus- trate a break
- Faith and Scott start out the story as Sweethearts in the Blue Hug
- Scott picks a fight with Faith saying she was flirting with others, when she really was
- She denies being disloyal to the expectations of touch talk and
- Scott is bored at the thought of spending the evening just with
- He does not want to discuss their
- He walks
- Faith is not sure if Scott is still her
- She knows she has not done anything
- Faith recognizes that Scott may be sending signals that he wants to take a backwards jump in their relationship by communicating loss of touch, talk, and trust between
- Faith only wants a relationship in her sweetheart Spot in the Blue Hug Circle that honors the expectations she has for touch talk and trust in an exclusive
Step 5:
Help participants to review or define these vocabulary words and generate a discussion about how the words are used in the story that they have just seen:
- Alternate Scenario
- Exclusive Relationship
- Backwards Jump
- Distant
- Picks a Fight
- Flirting
- Dissatisfaction
- Treats Badly
- Break up
Step 6:
Elicit from students the different signals that Scott showed that indicated to Faith that they were not as close as they used to be.
Touch: When Scott did not have interest in being alone with Faith, it was a signal that they were growing apart. If Faith and Scott break up, the boundary limits of touch that they had agreed to in the Sweetheart Spot in the Blue Hug Circle would no longer apply. Touch would become much less romantic.
Talk: When Scott refused to talk about their relationship difficulties with Faith, it was a signal that they were growing apart. If Scott and Faith break up, the boundary limits of talk that they had agreed to in the Sweetheart Spot in the Blue Hug Circle would no longer apply. Talk would become much less intimate.
Trust: When Scott lost trust in Faith’s loyalty and accused her of flirting with other men, it was a signal that they were growing apart. If Scott and Faith break up, the boundary limits of trust that they had agreed to in the Sweetheart Spot in the Blue Hug Circle would no longer apply. Trust would become much more limited.
Step 7:
Invite participants to select pictorial icons and arrows to place on the wall graph to describe and display the backwards jump in the “Bad Dream” relationship between Faith and Scott.
Step 8:
Invite participants to use pictorial icons and arrows to place on the large circle wall graph to tell about a time they each one had had to take a backwards jump in a relationship.
Journal Entry - “Jumping Backwards”
Write your own story about a person who you were close but to had to take a backwards jump away from to become less close. Include the following information in your story:
- Name and color of the CIRCLE where the person started
- Name and color of the CIRCLE where the person ended
- Write the kind of relationship you have with the person now
- Write the name of the person who took a backwards jump
- Write about how your feelings changed toward the person
- Write about how you told the person to backwards jump
- Write about how the relationship changed over time
Support Activity for “Jumping Backwards”
A “signal” that a person wants to change boundaries can be shown in the level of touch, talk, or trust that is shown.
Signals can be direct such as a person saying what he or she means or indirect, such as a change in the person’s behavior.
List 9 signals that can show you a person no longer wants to be close to you:
Changes in Touch:
Changes in Talk:
Changes in Trust: