The Red Stranger Circle Transition to Sweetheart Spot In the Blue Hug Circle Disc 4, Story 6
“Becoming Sweethearts”
Synopsis of the Story
In this story, Faith tells us about how Scott became closer and closer to her and eventually earned a place in the sweetheart spot in Faith’s Blue Hug Circle. Faith and Scott were strangers until they were in 2nd grade. At that time, they began to recognize each other as familiar faces around school. In high school, Faith and Scott had a chance to interact. Faith helped Scott to open his locker. Scott was polite and thanked Faith for her help. This confirmed that they had an Orange Wave Circle relationship that was mutual.
At a school football practice, Faith’s good friend Kendra introduced Faith and Scott to each other. Scott was now firmly in the Yellow Handshake Circle because he was introduced by a reliable friend. Faith decided that Scott should remain there until she could get to know him better. She was free to shake hands and talk about current school events, but she did not feel ready to trust Scott.
When Sarah’s boyfriend arranges for a Frisbee toss nearby, Faith feels safe in participating, because she is with many people that she knows well and trusts. Although she does not know Scott that well yet, the presence of the others made her feel it was an OK activity to engage in.
While the Frisbee game is going on Scott showed his appreciation of Faith’s encouragement by giving her a pat on the back. Faith had to decide if this spontaneous touch was friendly or forward. She decided that it was acceptable for Scott to briefly and temporarily cross the boundary limit of touch in this way. Faith still regards Scott as an acquaintance in the Yellow Handshake Circle and knows that the pat on the back was just a momentary crossing of the typical boundary because of the excitement of the moment.
Faith was enjoying Scott’s company so much that she began to wonder if Scott might soon become a friend in the Green Faraway Hug Circle. They talked about subjects that were a little more personal, but Faith was still not ready to trust Scott with her private thoughts.
Scott is more willing to move quickly into closer circles, but Faith slows the progress down until she is comfortable. When Scott showed Faith his private hiking trail he was hoping that Faith would reciprocate by sharing something personal too. Faith said she was not ready yet and Scott respected her decision. This established more trust for Faith and she felt ready to call Scott a friend now. He advanced into the Green Faraway Hug Circle, but just over the line. The progress through the Green Faraway Hug Circle was just beginning.
Scott and Faith go on a bowling date. Scott advises Faith about how to bowl better and when she scores a strike they are both delighted. They exchange a brief, spontaneous, close hug to communicate their excitement. Faith is aware that this hug crosses the typical boundary limits of touch in a new friendship. She is aware that close hugs with the opposite sex can sometimes be misunderstood and she reminds herself to be careful.
Faith and Scott go out together to a carnival. Faith realized that she was having deeper feelings for Scott, but was still wary about how much she could trust Scott yet. After Scott proved his trustworthiness in several other ways, Faith felt confident that he would not hurt her on purpose. Now Scott was a truly close friend.
Faith tells Scott that even though the events they go to are fun, it really makes her happy just to be with him, even if there is no special occasion. Scott asks Faith if he can kiss her one time and she agrees. Faith and Scott continue to share their feelings about each other and about the things that happen to them.
After a period of time, Faith and Scott affirm with each other that they want an exclusive relationship with each other. Now Scott is firmly in Faith’s sweetheart spot in the Blue Hug Circle.
Making Your Point
Faith and Scott were not always sweethearts. In fact, they started out, as all relationships do, as strangers in the Red Stranger Circle. Faith signaled Scott that she would help him and he accepted her help. They communicated their mutual recognition when they waved to each other. They were suddenly introduced formally to each other by a mutual reliable friend and immediately became acquaintances. The introduction was the direct signal that it was OK to shake hands, chat briefly, but remain cautious with Scott. After Faith and Scott had some group activities, they had an opportunity to have a private conversation. That was a subtle and indirect signal to Faith that Scott might become a friend.
At bowling, the spontaneous friendly side-to-side hug was not a signal that Faith and Scott were changing their circle relationship. This hug was an expression of excitement and friendship, not of romance. But at the carnival, Faith gives Scott a close hug as a signal that she was developing deeper feelings toward him. When Scott returned the hug, he was signaling that he also felt the same way.
When the meaning of a touch signal is confusing, talking can help to clarify what the signal meant.
Faith and Scott get to know each other through frequent contact in different ways over a period of time. They share personal information and feelings and develop trust for each other. Neither one will hurt the other on purpose. Faith and Scott are very clear with each when they discuss their desire for an exclusive relationship. They do not want to allow any signal to get misunderstood so they use touch, talk, and trust to communicate directly about this new level of intimacy.
Key Objectives:
- To show an example of a mutual change in a relationship, from the Red Stranger Circle to the sweetheart spot in the Blue Hug Circle.
- To illustrate that because indirect and subtle signals can be interpreted in a number of ways, it is helpful to communicate directly when a misunderstanding might have serious consequences.
- To show that the elements of touch talk and trust may not all change simultaneously, but may in fact change one at a time.
- To demonstrate how two individuals can negotiate the rate of change in a relationship.
Sequential Process
Step 1:
Teacher will begin by reviewing the past session: replaying the video from the previous meeting, stressing the most important points and eliciting answers and comment from participants.
Step 2:
Inform participants that today they will learn about how the boundary elements of touch talk and trust in a relationship may not change all at once. They will also learn some strategies for controlling the rate of change. When signals can be misunderstood, there is a need for direct communication for clarifying important messages.
Step 3:
Show Disc 4, Story 6: “Becoming Sweethearts” pausing when the story is concluded.
Step 4:
Elicit the following information from the participants, replaying the video if desired or needed:
- Faith and Scott start out as strangers in the Red Stranger Circle.
- They change their relationship from Red Stranger Circle to Orange Wave Circle when they begin to recognize each other at school.
- Faith helps Scott with his locker and they signal with a wave of recognition and thanks.
- They change their relationship from the Orange Wave Circle to the Yellow Handshake Circle, when they are suddenly introduced at the stadium by a mutual friend.
- Faith’s friends support her in getting to know Scott better.
- Scott pats Faith on her back but does not mean to make this a change in their relationship.
- Faith and Scott spend time with each other at first as part of a group and only later in their relationship do they spend time alone.
- Faith and Scott get to spend alone time together only after some significant amount of trust has been
- Sweethearts do not always have to go on dates to enjoy each other’s company.
- Direct and clear communication about romantic or sexual touch talk and trust is required to avoid misunderstanding and misinterpretation.
Step 5:
Help participants to review or define these vocabulary words and generate a discussion about how the words are used in the story that they have just seen:
- Spontaneous
- Communication
- Direct
- Signal
- Dates
- Exclusive Relationship
- Romantic
- Sexual
Step 6:
Elicit from students the different signals that were exchanged between Faith and Scott so that each knew that the other wanted to be closer. Ask students when Faith and Scott needed to give use communication.
Touch: Physical closeness increased in small increments and not necessarily at the same rate that talk and trust increased. Faith used her judgment to interpret the meaning of touch that crossed the typical circle boundaries.
Talk: Talk increased in small increments and not necessarily at the same rate that touch and trust increased. Faith used her judgment to control the rate that she allowed typical boundary limits to be changed.
Trust: Trust increased in small increments and not necessarily at the same rate that touch and talk increased. Faith used her judgment to decide when there was sufficient trust to assure her safety.
Step 7:
Invite participants to select pictorial icons and arrows to place on the wall graph to display the development of the relationship between Faith and Scott
Step 8:
Invite participants to use pictorial icons and arrows to place on the large circle wall graph to recount the story of how they became a sweetheart with someone.
Step 9:
Instruct participants to open their CIRCLES Journal to the story entitled, “Becoming Sweethearts”. Allow time for participants to complete their journaling story for this lesson.
Step 10:
Hand out the reproducible worksheet at the end of this lesson for students to complete in class or for homework.
Journal Entry - “Becoming Sweethearts”
Write your own story about a very important person who became close enough to be your sweetheart. Include the following information in your story (if you don’t have a sweetheart, write a story about a very important person who became a close friend (but didn’t start out that way).
- Name and color of the CIRCLE where the person started
- Name and color of the CIRCLE where the person ended
- Write the kind of relationship you have with the person now
- Name the person who became your sweetheart or (close friend)
- Write about the signals that helped you to know that the time was right to become sweethearts or deepen your friendship.
- Write about how the relationship changed over time.
Support Activity for “Becoming Sweethearts”
Rate your romantic relationship! Circle the number that best describes the amount of these good qualities in your relationship.
NAME OF GOOD QUALITY | Lots | None | ||||
1. Trust | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
2. Fun | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
3. Comfort | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
4. Friendship | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
5. Independence | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
6. Affection
| 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
7. Communication | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
8. Acceptance | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
9. Respect | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
10. Equality | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
Add up your score to see how your relationship measures up.
39 points to 50 points – Congratulations! Your relationship has many good qualities.
25 points to 38 points – You have a good beginning to a great relationship.
24 points or lower – You may want to work on your relationship.
It might be fun and interesting for you and the other group members to talk about these relationship qualities together.
Does everyone in your group have or want the same kind of relationship with his or her sweetheart?