The Red Stranger Circle Transition to Green Far Away Hug Circle Disc 3, Story 5
“Becoming Friends”
Synopsis of the Story
In this story, Faith tells us about how her very close friendship with Sarah develops at school and after school. One day when Faith is at school she witnesses Sarah being bullied by some girls. Even though Faith had never even met Sarah, Faith empathized and was kind to Sarah by telling her not to concern herself with these mean bullies. Faith and Sarah were still strangers.
When a second bullying incident occurs, Faith and Sarah make eye contact, recognize each other’s faces from earlier and now have something in common. Although this amount of contact is not enough to make them friends, they wave as a signal that they have changed their relationship. They have an Orange Wave Circle relationship now.
Later on, when Faith was relaxing on the school steps, she saw Sarah walk by. Faith saw Sarah stop walking and Faith recognized the signal that Sarah wanted permission to change their relationship from the Orange Wave Circle to become acquainted with Faith. Faith showed that she was giving her permission when she asked Sarah to join her on the steps and they shook hands, exchanged names and made small talk about things they had in common that were not too personal. Sarah now qualified for Faith’s Yellow Handshake Circle. They knew each other’s names, made small talk, and discovered common interests.
It took a long time for Faith to decide to allow Sarah to move beyond the border of the Yellow Handshake Circle and fully into the Green Faraway Hug Circle. Faith had to know Sarah well enough, and have enough common bonds and fun experiences with her before she could make this transition. For a while, Faith’s relationship with Sarah had to be balanced on the border between the Yellow and Green circles. When Faith introduced Sarah to her own circle of friends and found that her friends welcomed Sarah she recognized that as a signal that Sarah could move safely into the Green Faraway Hug Circle as a friend.
As their relationship grew, they became best friends. Although Sarah did not become a part of Faith’s family, she was so close that she felt like a sister to Faith. Sarah felt the same way. Sarah was so close that Faith placed her right on the border between the Green Faraway Hug Circle and the Blue Hug Circle. Sarah was not quite family, but closer than anyone outside the family.
Making Your Point
Faith and her friend Sarah did not always have a close friendship. In fact, they started out as all relationships do, as strangers in the Red Stranger Circle. Faith recognizes the signals that Sarah wants to change the relationship and also gives signals of her own that she is of the same mind. Each teen sends an indirect message about wanting to have a closer relationship at each successive stage of getting to know each other and waits for a response that indicates mutuality from the other.
As their relationship develops over a period of time, Faith is cautious each time she senses that change in the relationship is imminent. Faith recognizes the signal from Sarah that she is inviting change. Faith shows her caution by making the change in stages and requiring that Sarah hover between circles for a time. This gives Faith a chance to assess her own feelings about the change. Faith demonstrates her social skill and decision-making ability by controlling the rate at which their relationship develops, slowing it down as need be.
Because of the social sophistication of both Faith and Sarah, they are able to see that the circle boundary lines are designed to be used as teaching tools. In reality, the lines of relationships can be blurry when defining personal space.
Faith and Sarah allowed their relationship to develop slowly over time until they were “practically sisters”. They eventually blurred the line between family and friends.
Key Objectives
- To show an example of a mutual change in a relationship, from the Red Stranger Circle to the Green Faraway Hug Circle and even blurring the line between friends and family in the Blue Hug Circle.
- To illustrate that an indirect and subtle exchange of signals is helpful in communicating whether a mutual desire to make a change in a relationship is present.
- To show that relationship boundaries are often blurred and that the artificial circle lines are de- signed to be teaching tools to assist in defining relationship boundary limits.
Sequential Process
Step 1:
Teacher will begin by reviewing the past session: replaying the video from the previous meeting, stressing the most important points and eliciting answers and comment from participants.
Step 2:
Inform participants that today they will learn about how relationships can change slowly when gradations within each circle are recognized. The lines between circles can be blurred. Relationships can change safely when they are indirect, subtle signals that communicate mutuality for change.
Step 3:
Show Disc 3, “Becoming Friends” pausing when the story is concluded.
Step 4:
Elicit the following information from the participants, replaying the video if desired or needed:
- Faith and Sarah start out as strangers in the Red Stranger Circle.
- They change their relationship from Red Stranger Circle to Orange Wave Circle when they begin to recognize each other at school.
- The eye contact between them was the signal and the wave to each other was the communication of mutuality.
- They change their relationship from the Orange Wave Circle to the Yellow Handshake Circle when they sit down on the school steps and introduce themselves.
- Sarah sent a signal that she wanted to get to know Faith better when she stopped walking to chat with Faith.
- When Faith invited Sarah to sit down next to each other and Sarah accepted, that was the communication of mutuality.
- Faith recognized the limits and the potential in this new acquaintance.
- Faith did not make Sarah a friend After a time Sarah became a closer and closer acquaintance.
- Faith got to know Sarah better and spent more time with her, both in and out of She included Sarah into her circle of old friends.
- Faith’s group of friends accepted Sarah as a friend, which was the signal to Faith that it was OK to allow Sarah to be safely in the Green Far Away Hug circle.
- Sarah’s compliment to Faith about Scott was the communication of mutuality in friendship between the two.
- Faith and Sarah eventually became best friends after spending many hours of fun and sharing many confidences.
- Faith showed that Sarah was closer than anyone else in the Green Faraway Hug Circle.
- But Faith wanted to show that Sarah was even closer than that, practically as close as her own sister.
- Of course, Sarah will not ever be Faith’s biological sister, but they will have a relationship that blurs the line between friends and family.
Step 5:
Help participants review or define these vocabulary words and generate a discussion about how the words are used in the story that they have just seen:
- Confirmation
- Communication
- Eye contact
- Signal
- Blur the lines
- Biological
- Permission
- Respected
- Hint at
Step 6:
Elicit from students the different signals that were exchanged between Faith and Sarah so that each knew that the other wanted to be closer too.
Touch: Physical closeness increased in small increments from avoiding eye contact across the schoolyard consistent with the boundary limits of the Red Stranger Circle to exchanging affectionate hugs at Faith’s home consistent with the boundary limits between the Green Faraway Hug Circle and Blue Hug Circles as their closeness grew.
Talk: Talk increased in small increments from making impersonal comments at school consistent with the boundary limits of the Red Stranger Circle to disclosing personal feelings consistent with the boundary limits between the Green Faraway Hug Circle and Blue Hug Circles at home.
Trust: Trust increased in small increments from having no basis for trust at all consistent with the boundary limits of the Red Stranger Circle to sharing confidences and deep thoughts consistent with the boundary limits between the Green Faraway Hug Circle and Blue Hug circles.
Step 7:
Invite participants to select pictorial icons and arrows to place on the wall graph to display the development of the relationship between Faith and Sarah.
Step 8:
Invite participants to use pictorial icons and arrows to place on the large circle wall graph to recount the story of how they became best friends with someone else.
Step 9:
Invite participants to use pictorial icons and arrows to place on the large circle wall graph to recount the story of how they became best friends with some else.
Step 10:
Hand out the reproducible worksheet at the end of this lesson for participants to complete in class or for homework.
Journal Entry - “Becoming Friends”
Write your own story about how you got to know a friend and how that friend became even closer to become your very best friend. Include the following information in your story:
- Name and color of the CIRCLE where the friend started
- Name and color of the CIRCLE where the friend ended
- Write the kind of relationship you have with the friend now
- Write your friend’s name
- Write about the signals that let you know that you were becoming closer to this friend than to your other friends
- Write about how the relationship changed over time
- Do you and your friend interact on social media?
Support Activity for “Becoming Friends”
Color in the bar to show the degree of closeness that you have with your best friends. Then fill in the blanks to show your level of closeness to your best friends. You may be closer to some friends than others, so make a different page for each friend.
