The Red Stranger Circle and Transition Beyond the Yellow Handshake Circle, Rejected Disk 3, Story 4
“Uninvited Circles Jumpers”
Synopsis of the Story
In this story, Faith tells us about a co-worker named Laser. When Laser wants to shake hands with Faith she is comfortable with the idea of a Yellow Handshake Circle relationship with him. She shakes his hand and he holds her hand unnecessarily long. This gives Faith a signal that Laser is acting too familiarly because he has extended the time that is typical for the boundary limits of a handshake. He further signals that he is interested in moving closer too quickly by making suggestive sexual remarks to Faith and by inviting her to spend time alone with him in his car.
Faith does not respond to the sexual innuendos and declines Laser’s advances. Faith halts Laser’s at- tempts at “Circle Jumping” by maintaining the boundary limits of touch talk and trust that are consistent with the Yellow Handshake Circle. Faith realizes that she will have to have additional interactions with Laser and does not want to create friction at her job by hurting his feelings.
Making Your Point
Faith and Laser had just met when the story opens. Faith is happy to have Laser introduce himself and she expects him to be a colleague in her Yellow Handshake Circle. When she shakes hands with him, he “Circle Jumps”. He moves too close, too fast by overstepping the amount of time that a typical handshake should last. He then proceeds to “Circle Jump” again when he makes sexual remarks, and again when he invites Faith to spend time alone in his car with him. Faith is aware that Laser does not know his boundary limits or knows them and does not respect them. He might try to “Circle Jump” to an even closer circle. Faith recognizes the danger of getting too close too fast before she gets to know Laser’s character.
Faith recognizes Laser’s signals that tell her that he is a “Circle Jumper.” Faith communicates her boundaries to Laser by clearly defining the parameters of touch, talk, and trust in the Yellow Handshake Circle. She protects herself. She is diplomatic, firm and assertive, without being mean or antagonizing Laser.
Laser reluctantly accepts these boundaries. Faith remains skeptical and concerned that Laser may try to violate other boundaries.
Key Objectives
- To show an example of an attempt to “Circle Jump”: a non-mutual change in a relationship, from the Red Stranger Circle jumping too close, too fast to a closer circle.
- To illustrate how direct, indirect and/or subtle signals can immediately communicate attempts at “Circle Jumping”.
- To show how “Circle Jumping” that is not rejected can lead to potentially dangerous situations or have serious consequences.
- To show that if one person oversteps the elements of touch, talk, and trust too quickly, it is best for the other person to act decisively and take charge of setting correct boundary limits and ensuring his or her own safety.
Sequential Process
Step 1:
Teacher will begin by reviewing the past session: replaying the video from the previous meeting, stressing the most important points and eliciting answers and comment from participants.
Step 2
Inform participants that today they will learn how to recognize “Circle Jumping”, and how to stay safe when it happens.
Step 3:
Show Part 2, Disc 3, Story 4: “Uninvited Circle Jumpers” pausing when the story is concluded.
Step 4:
Elicit the following information from the participants, replaying the video if desired or needed:
- Faith and Laser start out as strangers in the Red Stranger Circle
- Laser holds Faith’s hand too long
- Laser makes sexually suggestive
- Laser invites Faith to be alone with him in his
- Faith recognizes these signals and interprets them to mean that Laser is a “Circle Jumper”.
- A “Circle Jumper” is a person who oversteps the boundary limits of touch, talk, and/or trust without the permission of the other person and is reluctant to return to a mutual
- “Circle Jumping” may indicate ignorance, misinformation, lack of respect, and possible
- Faith was assertive and clarified her boundary limits without being mean or antagonizing
- She will remain cautious when she has to interact with Laser in the
Step 5:
Help participants to review or define these vocabulary words and generate a discussion about how the words are used in the story that they have just seen:
- Assertive
- Invitation
- “Circle Jumper”
- Diplomatic
- Sexual Remarks
- Direct Signal
- Indirect Signal
- Subtle Signal
- Communication
- Reject
- Safe
- Clarify
- Recognize
- Act Decisively
- Violation
- Character
Step 6:
Elicit from students the different signals that Laser demonstrated that indicated to Faith that he was a “Circle Jumper”. Elicit from students the different signals that Faith used to communicate rejection of Laser and to re-establish the boundary limits of the Yellow Handshake Circle.
Touch: When Laser shook Faith’s hand for too long, he overstepped the boundary limit for touch in a handshake at introduction. Faith broke the handshake as soon as she was aware and stepped backward away from Laser. Faith assertively clarified the boundary limits of touch that are consistent with the Yellow Handshake Circle.
Talk: When Laser made sexual remarks to Faith he overstepped the boundary limits for talk in a Yellow Handshake Relationship. At first Faith tried to ignore the comments. When Laser did not stop making sexual comments, Faith assertively clarified the boundary limits of talk that are consistent with the Yellow Handshake Circle.
Trust: When Laser invited Faith to spend time alone with him in his car, he overstepped the boundary limits for trust in a Yellow Handshake Relationship. Faith used direct language to explain her position clearly and assertively to define the boundary limits of trust in a Yellow Handshake Relationship.
Step 7:
Invite participants to select pictorial icons and arrows to place on the wall graph to describe and display the development of the relationship between Faith and Laser.
Step 8:
Invite participants to use pictorial icons and arrows to place on the large CIRCLES wall graph to make up a pretend a story about a “Circle Jumper”.
Step 9:
Instruct participants to open their CIRCLES Journal to the story entitled, “Uninvited Circle Jumpers.” Allow time for participants to complete their journaling story for this lesson.
Step 10:
Hand out the reproducible worksheet at the end of this lesson for participants to complete in class or for homework.
Journal Entry - “Uninvited Circle Jumpers”
Write your own story about person who tried to get too close, too fast. Include the following information in your story:
- Name and color of the CIRCLE where person started
- Name and color of the CIRCLE where the person ended
- Write the kind of relationship you have with the person now
- Write the name of the Circle Jumper
- Write about the signals that told you this person was a Circle Jumper
- Write about how you stopped the Circle Jumper
- Write about how the relationship changed over time
Support Activity for “Uninvited Circle Jumpers”
Answer the following questions about Circle Jumping. Discuss your answers with other group participants.
- What would you say or do if a co-worker gave you a kiss without asking? Is this Circle Jumping? Why or why not?
- What would you say or do if a co-worker gave you a kiss on the cheek on your birthday? Is this Circle Jumping? Why or why not?
- What would you say or do if a friend asked to borrow $1000.00? Is this Circle Jumping? Why or why not?
- What would you say or do if a friend asked to borrow lunch money one time? Is this Circle Jumping? Why or why not?
- What would you say or do if a classmate tricked you into pulling the fire alarm? Is this Circle Jumping? Why or why not?
- What would you say or do if a classmate tricked you into coming to a surprise birthday party for yourself? Is this Circle Jumping? Why or why not?
- What if a person you met yesterday calls you his or her friend? Is this Circle Jumping? Why or why not?