Summary of Story #4
Sofia tells about her Uncle John, Aunt Ellen, and cousin Tyler in her Green Far Away Hug Circle. At their family reunion dinner, she explains that she has known them since she was a little girl, doesn’t see them often, but talks to them on the phone, texts, or exchanges cards with them. She explains their common bonds center around being related to each other, and that generally they talk about family matters. She demonstrates how trust is built through actions and communication with her cousin. Sofia cares about her extended family in an affectionate way that is not romantic.
Teacher’s Note
The Green Far Away Hug Circle usually includes extended family members and close friends (see next story #5). Some students may elect to put nuclear family members in this circle, others may choose to populate their Green Far Away Hug Circle with non-related, long-term family friends. (See CONSIDER THIS below.) The assignment of individuals to the various circles is dependent upon each student’s perception of that relationship guided by their answers to the Six Deciding Factors. As a teacher, help the student recognize why they’ve made that decision and support that decision. Caution: Remind your students again that sexual contact is not permitted among family members, even extended family members.
Program Aim
- To establish the degree of intimacy associated with the Green Far Away Hug Circle using the extended family as an example of an affectionate relationship.
Methods
Step 1
Review the items from the evaluation section of “My Sweetheart” replaying the video vignette and/or the Highlights section using reminders and cues as necessary.
- Who’s the most important person in your world of CIRCLES?
- Have students show the sign for the Blue Big Hug Circle
- What kind of touch, talk, and trust is acceptable with a person in your Blue Big Hug Circle who is your sweetheart?
Step 2
Inform students that now they will learn about another circle: the Green Far Away Hug Circle.
Step 3
Show the video vignette “My Relatives” and pause for discussion when the story concludes.
Step 4
Elicit the Deciding Factors from students, either from their memory or by replaying the video vignette:
- Sofia has known her aunt, uncle, and cousin for most of her life.
- Sofia sees her extended family at least every year and stays in touch with phone calls, texts, or cards.
- Sofia and her extended family will always be related to each other.
- Sofia doesn’t know nearly as much about her extended family as she does about the family she lives with.
- Sofia has affectionate feelings for her aunt, uncle, and cousin, but is never romantic with her extended family.
- Sofia’s extended family members never hurt Sofia on purpose and will help her if they can.
Step 5
Teacher uses the laminated figural icons with the wall-mounted CIRCLES graph to demonstrate the placement of the new characters on the CIRCLES graph. Teacher asks each student to select laminated figural icons (or photos) representing themselves and a person with whom they have this kind of relationship. Teacher asks the student to name the figural icons (or photos) and place them appropriately on the mounted CIRCLES graph while characterizing that relationship.
Step 6
Ask students:
- How is your extended family the same as Sofia’s extended family?
- How is your extended family different from Sofia’s extended family?
Reassure students that all families and extended families are different. If the overall emotional tone is affectionate, as expressed by touch, talk, and trust, then that extended family is well placed in the Green Far Away Hug Circle. In our international world it is necessary to be aware of cultural differences represented by the students in your classroom. Expression of feelings varies culturally; be mindful of these nuances.
Step 7
Distribute personal CIRCLES graphs, markers/crayons/colored pencils, and “Peel n’ Stick” icons. Have students identify which circle surrounds the Blue Big Hug Circle. Ask students to color the circle green. Refer to the CIRCLES wall graph and use figural icons (or photos) to demonstrate how students can personalize their CIRCLES graphs. Have students personalize the Green Far Away Hug Circle by using the “Peel n’ Stick” icons which best represents their extended family members or surrogates they place there, making sure that the Six Deciding Factors are satisfied.
Step 8
Direct students, one at a time to stand in front and center of the CIRCLES wall graph. Remind them that they are in the Purple Private Space, the center of all of their circles. Have students demonstrate the sign for the Green Far Away Hug Circle and compare it to the blue. Have students observe the degree of closeness on the graph and notice that the Green Far Away Hug Circle is far enough away that it makes it impossible for a full-body hug to occur.
Step 9
Tell students, or elicit from them if they are able, the following information about touch, talk, and trust with extended family members in their Green Far Away Hug Circle:
- Touch - Sofia gives her extended family a far-away hug that is affectionate, but not body-to-body.
- Talk - Sofia can share personal news with her extended family, but she is not intimate with them.
- Trust - Sofia’s extended family is generally trustworthy. They wouldn’t hurt her on purpose and they would help her if they could.
Step 10 (Optional)
Practice using the Circles Social Skills Utility™ focusing on extended family in the Green Faraway Hug Circle.
For Greater Depth (Optional)
Help students to demonstrate their understanding of the levels of touch, talk, and trust with extended family members in their Green Far Away Hug Circle by using the following roleplays as rehearsal opportunities and emphasizing the elements of touch, talk, and trust within the roleplay. Here are some suggested situations for your students to roleplay the level of touch, talk, and trust that is appropriate for extended family members in the Green Far Away Hug Circle.
- Greet relatives as they arrive at your home.
- Call your grandparents or other adult relatives to tell them about a school event.
- Ask advice from your extended family to help you solve a family problem.
- Offer to help an extended family member with a chore (e.g., wash the car, clean the garage, shovel the walk).
Summary
Replay the video vignette as needed to reinforce students’ skill development and comprehension. Tell students that when they have friends in their Green Far Away Hug Circle, that relationship may include a wide range of touch, talk, and trust, but is not intimate nor romantic.
Evaluation:
Teacher will question and review, playing video if desired:
- Who is the most important person in your world of CIRCLES?
- Ask students to show the sign for the Green Far Away Hug Circle.
- What kind of touch, talk, and trust is acceptable with a person in the Green Far Away Hug Circle who is your friend?
For Greater Depth (Optional)
Have students explain why they chose the Green Far Away Hug Circle for extended family members.
Support Activities
- Create a short family or genogram tree indicating the persons mother, father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings. Help students identify their family members and personalize the tree.
- Use Stanfield’s Circles Social Skills Utility™ as a practice opportunity to review CIRCLES relationships. Students can practice in class and, if possible, at home.
- Have students bring in photos of their extended family gathered at the last holiday. Tell the class about the visit.
For Greater Depth (Optional)
Ask students to share what factors they would consider before placing a person in the Green Far Away Hug Circle, such as…
- Have they known the person for a long time?
- See them or stay in touch with them often?
- Share some common bonds?
- Know them well?
- Have affectional feelings for them?
- Not be hurtful on purpose?
For Critical Thinking (Optional)
What if…
- You have no extended family?
- Your cousin spills milk on you by accident at dinner?
- Your extended family does not keep in touch with you?
- Your aunt is mean to you?
- Your aunt and uncle can’t come to your party?
- Your uncle tries to touch your private parts?
- Your cousin takes your phone or camera without asking you?
See Part 2, Disk #4 “Cyberspace Rules” for Green Far Away Hug Circle considerations for online safety.
Consider This
As you know, just as nuclear families can vary markedly in their composition, so can extended families. Normalize this for students whose extended families are circumstantial or chosen. And of course, the quality of these relationships can vary considerably as well. The concept to know is that the degree of intimacy we have with the people closest to us isn’t determined arbitrarily. The application of the Six Deciding Factors can help students make these determinations.
The amount of touch, talk, and trust can vary culturally between extended family members. As an example, hugging even without close body contact, between an uncle and a niece is not allowed in some orthodox religious traditions that prohibit other gender contact. In some cases, this extends to handshaking as well. The point here, know your students and the communities they come from. Learn about their customs and consider that some of your students may be put off by or uncomfortable in roleplays that encourage them to act in a manner counter to their traditions. Be culturally responsive to your students; make appropriate accommodations.