Summary of Story #3
Sofia tells us about her sweetheart, Mark, who is in her Blue Big Hug Circle (Sweetheart). She explains that she has gotten to know him over time, sees him often, and talks to and texts him frequently. She has a lot of common interests with Mark and knows personal information about him too. She has romantic feelings towards Mark and is emotionally close to him. He has never been hurtful to Sofia.
Teacher’s Note
It is important to underscore the difference between the sweetheart in the Blue Big Hug Circle, which is a romantic relationship, and family relationships that are never romantic or sexual. Encourage students to list only one sweetheart at a time thereby discriminating the value of really getting to know someone before considering them a sweetheart. Use your judgment based upon the age and interests of your students when distinguishing a romantic relationship from friendship and family relationships.
Program Aim
- To establish the degree of intimacy associated with the people in the Blue Big Hug Circle using the sweetheart as an example of a close and loving relationship that is romantic.
- To deepen the understanding of the concept of consensus which is reinforced throughout the program’s many vignettes.
Methods
Step 1
Review the items from the evaluation section of “My Family” replaying the video vignette and or the highlight section, using reminders and cues, as necessary.
- Who is the most important person in your world of CIRCLES?
- Show the sign for the Blue Big Hug Circle
- What kind of touch, talk, and trust is acceptable with a family member in your Blue Big Hug Circle?
Step 2
Inform students that today they will learn a little more about the Blue Big Hug Circle. They will learn about a sweetheart in the Blue Big Hug Circle.
Step 3
Show the video vignette “My Sweetheart” and pause for discussion when the story concludes.
Step 4
Elicit the Deciding Factors from students, either from their memory or by replaying the video vignette:
- Sofia placed Mark as her sweetheart in her Blue Big Hug Circle and he agreed
- They were introduced by a mutual friend
- Sofia talks on the phone and communicates with Mark often
- Sofia has a lot in common with Mark
- Sofia spends time with Mark doing fun activities together
- Sofia feels romantic toward Mark
- Sofia feels safe with Mark
- Sofia feels respected by Mark
Step 5
Teacher uses the laminated figural icons with the wall-mounted CIRCLES graph to demonstrate the placement of the new character on the CIRCLES graph. Teacher asks each student to select laminated figural icons (or photos) representing themselves and a person with whom they have this kind of relationship. Teacher asks the student to name the figural icons (or photos) and place them appropriately on the mounted CIRCLES graph while characterizing that relationship.
Step 6
Ask students:
- Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you have to?
- How is your (boyfriend/girlfriend) sweetheart relationship the same as Sofia’s is with Mark?
- How is your (boyfriend/girlfriend) sweetheart relationship different than Sofia’s is with Mark?
- For students who do not have a sweetheart in their lives, ask them to imagine a relationship that is similar or different from what Sofia has with Mark
Reassure students that no two sweetheart relationships are exactly the same. What attracts people to each other is different for everyone. If the overall emotional tone is loving, romantic, consensual and respectful, as expressed by touch, talk, and trust, then that person is well placed as a sweetheart in the Blue Big Hug Circle. Normalize, too, that not everyone wants a sweetheart, and this is a choice many people make. (See CONSIDER THIS below for more.)
Step 7
- (Optional) Distribute personal CIRCLES graphs, markers/crayons/colored pencils, and “Peel n’ Stick” icons. Have students identify the sweetheart icon and color it pink as desired. Hang up the CIRCLES graph and use figural icons (or photos) to demonstrate how students can personalize their CIRCLES graphs. Have students personalize their CIRCLES graph by using the “Peel n’ Stick” icons which best represents their sweetheart in the Blue Hug Sweetheart Circle with teacher guidance as necessary.
Step 8
Invite students to stand in front of the wall-mounted CIRCLES graph as near to the (center) Purple Private Space as they can. Have student demonstrate the sign for the Blue Big Hug Circle pointing out the degree of closeness that is implicit.
Step 9
Tell students, or elicit from them if they are able, the following information about touch, talk, and trust with a sweetheart in the Blue Big Hug Circle:
- Touch - Sofia hugs Mark in a loving way that is romantic too. Sofia touches Mark with close and romantic hugs and kisses.
- Talk - Sofia can talk about anything with Mark, even the most intimate and romantic subjects
- Trust - Sofia is considerate of Mark’s feelings. She trusts Mark and is sure that Mark won’t hurt her feelings.
Step 10
(Optional) Practice Blue Big Hug Circle concepts using the Circles Social Skills Utility™.
For Greater Depth (Optional)
Help students to explore/demonstrate their understanding of the levels of touch, talk, and trust with a sweetheart in their Blue Big Hug Circle by using the following roleplays as rehearsal opportunities and emphasizing the elements of touch, talk, and trust within the role play. Here are some suggested situations for your students to roleplay the level of touch, talk, and trust appropriate for sweethearts in the Blue Big Hug Circle
- Sitting together in the movies
- Showing loving feelings in public place
- Showing loving feelings in private place
- Discuss issues of dating or setting sexual touch limits
Summary
Replay the video vignette as needed to reinforce students’ skill development. Tell students that when they have a sweetheart in their Blue Big Hug Circle, the relationship includes a full range of touch, talk, and trust, and that may be romantic (but doesn’t have to be). (Learning about how to “find” a sweetheart is discussed in the Part II: Relationship Building section as Sofia tells the students how she met Mark and how their relationship grew over time.)
Evaluation
Teacher will question and review, replaying video if desired:
- Who is the most important person in your world of CIRCLES?
- Ask students to show the sign for the Blue Big Hug Circle and indicate that the heart symbol means romance.
- What kind of touch, talk, and trust is acceptable with a person in the Blue Big Hug Circle who is your sweetheart?
For Greater Depth (Optional)
Have students explain in what ways their romantic friend qualifies to be placed as a sweetheart in the Blue Big Hug Circle
Support Activities
- Cut out photos of a romantic couple and ask students how this couple shows their romantic relationship
- Ask students: What are some things that people in a romantic relationship do together (e.g., date, watch movies, kiss on lips, talk on phone, etc.)?
- Provide, or ask students to make, simple hand puppets and ask students to demonstrate how sweethearts interact.
- Introduce the vocabulary words about feelings adding sexual feelings to their repertoire and help students recognize that sexual feelings can be seen on one’s face too (e.g., eye gazing). Refer back to a romantic picture, if necessary. Continue discussion adding that one’s body can reflect romantic/sexual feelings during dance and other playful activities too.
- Make index cards listing personal characteristics of “future” sweethearts and have the students, who can read, sort the cards to “create” an idea mate. Be sure to include discussion points such as “wears cool sneakers” and is “tall, dark, and handsome” along with more serious characteristics such as honesty, kindness, loyalty, and good manners.
- Assign all students with sweethearts the task of complimenting them on what they like about the person.
- For older students, or those with more social experience, introduce James Stanfield’s DateSmart® VideoModeling curriculum. Visit www.stanfield.com for more information.
For Critical Thinking (Optional)
What if…
- A sweetheart has bad personal hygiene?
- A sweetheart forgets your birthday?
- A sweetheart gets angry and hits you?
- A sweetheart says he/she doesn’t like your family or friends?
- A sweetheart tells you that you can’t spend any time with your friends?
- A sweetheart always wants to decide how the two of you will spend your leisure time together?
- A sweetheart forces you into sexual activity?
- A sweetheart wants to break up?
- A sweetheart wants you to take a picture of yourself naked and send it to them?
See Part 2, Disk #4 “Cyberspace Rules” for Blue Big Hug Circle (Sweetheart) considerations for online safety.
Consider This
This section illustrates that relationships grow over time as does intimacy. Some of your students are, or have already been, romantically or sexually involved with one or more partners. Some of these may have been very positive relationships while others may have been coercive or abusive in some way. Here is an opportunity to discuss mutuality, respect, and most importantly, what consent looks like in a romantic relationship. You will find discussion points to help you with this conversation in Part III of this guide.
Know that some of your students are neither interested in nor ready for romantic relationships. Consider as well that some of your students may not relate to the heterosexual couple depicted in this unit as they identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Other students might be questioning their sexual orientation, gender identity or identify as transgender and may be reluctant to participate in classroom discussion. While it is likely beyond your purview as classroom teacher to explore their concerns in depth, know the school and community resources available to your students. Notice which students may be targets of bullying because of their sexual orientation and gender identity and make appropriate referrals and interventions. Make your classroom a safe and inclusive place