Summary of Story #6
Sofia tells about her neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Parker, in the Yellow Handshake Circle. When the Parkers come to visit Sofia’s parents for an evening, Sofia explains that she doesn’t know the Parkers well. She only sees them occasionally around the neighborhood and has very little in common with them. She knows their names, but not much else about them. She is polite to them but doesn’t have strong feelings. Sofia understands that the Parkers are friends of her parents but are only acquaintances to Sofia.
Teacher’s Note:
The Yellow Handshake Circle usually includes those peers and adults whose names are known. The handshake is customary when you are first introduced by name to others and upon greeting people after an absence. Some students will want to label anybody whose names they know as friends, rather than acquaintances. Take this opportunity to help students increase their awareness of what constitutes a friend (i.e., are similar in age, not paid to spend time together, visits outside of school, shared interests and activities). Help students become aware that they are free to like acquaintances and acquaintances may like them as well, but “likability” does not constitute friendship. Remember this section of CIRCLES concentrates on representing relationship values at the current time. When students advance to Part II: Relationship Building, they will learn that acquaintances sometimes move into the Green Far Away Hug Circle as they agree to become friends. Remind your students that relationships need to reflect mutual and authentic feelings of closeness.
Program Aim
- To establish the degree of intimacy associated with the Yellow Handshake Circle using neighbors as an example of an acquaintance relationship.
Methods
Step 1
Review the items from the evaluation section of “My Closest Friends” replaying the video vignette and/or the highlights section using reminders and cues as necessary.
- Who is the most important person in your world of CIRCLES?
- Ask students to show the sign for the Green Far Away Hug Circle.
- What kind of touch, talk, and trust is acceptable with a person in your Green Far Away Hug Circle who is your friend?
Step 2
Inform students that today they will learn about a new circle: the Yellow Handshake Circle.
Step 3
Show the video vignette “My Neighbors” and pause for discussion when the story concludes
Step 4
Elicit the Deciding Factors from students, either from their memory or by replaying the video vignette:
- Sofia has only known the Parkers a short while.
- Sofia only sees the Parkers when they visit her parents or around the neighborhood.
- Sofia and the Parkers both know Sofia’s parents. Beyond that, they have few common bonds.
- Sofia’s parents tell her the Parkers are nice, but Sofia hardly knows anything about them
- Sofia doesn’t have strong feelings about the Parkers, but she smiles and is polite to them
- Sofia is treated with respect by the Parkers; this is mutual.
Step 5
Teacher uses the laminated figural icons with the wall-mounted CIRCLES graph to demonstrate the placement of the new characters on the CIRCLES graph. Teacher asks each student to select laminated figural icons (or photos) representing themselves and a person with whom they have this kind of relationship. Teacher asks the student to name the figural icons (or photos) and place them appropriately on the mounted CIRCLES graph while characterizing that relationship.
Step 6
Ask students:
- How are your neighbors the same as Sofia’s neighbors?
- How are your neighbors the same from Sofia’s neighbors?
Reassure students that there are many kinds of good neighbors. If the overall emotional tone of the relationship shows mutual respect as expressed by touch, talk, and trust, then that neighbor is well placed in the Yellow Handshake Circle.
Step 7
Distribute personal CIRCLES graphs, markers/crayons/colored pencils, and “Peel n’ Stick” icons. Have students identify which circle surrounds the Green Far Away Hug Circle. Ask students to color the circle yellow. Hang up the CIRCLES giant wall graph and use figural icons (or photos) to demonstrate how students can personalize their CIRCLES graphs. Have students personalize the Yellow Handshake Circle by using the “Peel n’ Stick” icons that best represent the neighbors in the Yellow Handshake Circle making sure the Six Deciding Factors are satisfied for acquaintances.
Step 8
Direct students, one after the other, to stand front and center of the CIRCLES wall graph. Remind them that they are in the Purple Private Space, the center of all of their Circles. Have students demonstrate the sign for the Yellow Handshake Circle from that position. Point out the closeness that is involved in the Yellow Handshake Circle relationships and compare it to the preceding circles. Point out that the Yellow Handshake Circle is at a distance that precludes hugging: both far away and close hugs too.
Step 9
Tell students, or elicit from them if they are able, the following information about touch, talk, and trust with neighbors in the Yellow Handshake Circle who are acquaintances:
- Touch - Sofia shakes hands with her neighbors only when she greets them. Touch is limited to hands.
- Talk - Sofia does not get personal but makes polite small talk with her neighbors and is respectful
- Trust - Sofia has limited trust for her neighbors because she hardly knows them, even though she knows their names.
Step 10 (Optional)
Practice using the Circles Social Skills Utility™ focusing on the acquaintances in their Yellow Handshake Circle
For Greater Depth (Optional)
Help students to demonstrate their understanding of the levels of touch, talk, and trust with neighbors who are acquaintances in their Yellow Handshake Circle by using the following role plays as rehearsal opportunities and emphasizing the elements of touch, talk, and trust within the role play. Here are some suggested situations for your students to roleplay the level of touch, talk, and trust that is appropriate for neighbors in the Yellow Handshake Circle.
- Greet your neighbors when you meet them in a community setting.
- Discuss the weather with your neighbors.
- Practice going to your neighbors in an emergency (e.g., not being able to shut off the oven, feeling sick, etc.).
- Take a message from the neighbors and give it to your parents.
Summary
Replay the video vignette as needed to reinforce students’ skill development and comprehension. Tell students that when they have a neighbor in their Yellow Handshake Circle, the relationship has a limited range of touch, talk, and trust and is respectful but impersonal.
Evaluation
Teacher will question and review, playing video if desired:
- Who is the most important person in your world of CIRCLES?
- Ask students to show the sign for the Yellow Handshake Circle
- What kind of touch, talk, and trust is acceptable with a person in the Yellow Handshake Circle who is your acquaintance?
Support Activities
- Using the giant wall graph, have one student stand in front of the Purple Private Space and shake hands with his/her acquaintances in the class.
- When a visitor comes to class, the teacher formally introduces the visitor to the class thereby demonstrating proper introductions. Ask students to do the same.
- Assign the student the task of properly introducing a parent to another person so that students practice introductions and know their parents’ first and last names!
- Draw a little map of streets, houses, or apartments similar to the area your students live in and have students take it home and list their neighbors on the sheet.
- Roleplay having conversations and/or have students list social topics appropriate to individuals in the Yellow Handshake Circle. It is generally okay to talk with neighbors about such topics as the weather, sports, the environment, current events, television and movies, etc.
- Roleplay making introductions. Show Stanfield’s First Impressions: Attitude® to illustrate this. Visit www.stanfield.com to learn more.
For Greater Depth (Optional)
Ask students to share what factors they would consider before placing a person in the Yellow Handshake Circle, such as:
- Be introduced to the person at least one time by name.
- Seen them once in a while.
- Have at least one common bond.
- Know their names.
- Be polite, smile, and make eye contact.
- Show mutual respect.
- Support in emergencies.
For Critical Thinking (Optional)
What if…
- A neighbor asks personal questions about your money or about your family’s finances?
- A neighbor’s dog digs up your yard?
- An acquaintance wants to visit you when there’s no one else at home?
- Your neighbor looks in your bedroom window?
- The smoke detector goes off in your house while you are home alone, and your neighbor offers to help shut it off?
- Your neighbor asks you to take in his mail while he’s on vacation?
- Your neighbor wants your mobile phone number?
See Part 2, Disk #4 “Cyberspace Rules” for Yellow Handshake Circle considerations for online safety
Consider This
CIRCLES teaches specific behaviors (levels of touch, talk and trust) that are dictated by the circle relationship an individual has with another person. Initially, these are rigidly defined. As your students progress to the relationship-building section of this program, or in the case of the savvy student, there can be greater flexibility and fluidity as relationships change. For now, it may be helpful to remind students that just because you can shake hands, doesn’t mean you have to. Not everyone wants to shake hands, even if they are accurately placed in the correct circle. For example, someone may not want to shake hands today or be touched in any way... even if they did last week. An individual’s purple private thoughts and feelings may support a desire for closeness at one time but not another. Let students know that this is normal, OK and important to notice. Don’t force a handshake or hug, or any type of touch if you are not interested or if the other person isn’t interested. See discussion of consensus in Part III.