Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why being even-tempered is socially attractive.
- Understand what it means to dump, or misplace anger.
- Identify different situations in which they might be tempted to dump on another person.
- Identify negative consequences of dumping on another person.
- Identify personal benefits of being even-tempered with others.
- Identify behaviors that accompany dumping.
- Identify behaviors that accompany being even-tempered
- Model successfully being even-tempered with others.
- Develop strategies for becoming more even-tempered with others.
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why being caring in times of need helps make you socially attractive. We learned that if you don't care for another person when they need you, you won't be attractive to them. There are other ways to be socially unattractive. One of these ways is by dumping, or misplacing anger.
- Explain to students what it means to dump, or misplace anger, on someone. Tell them that sometimes when we're angry or unhappy about something in our life, we take out our anger on someone who has nothing to do with what is making us angry. In other words, we misplace our anger by directing it at the wrong person. By doing this, we make a bad situation worse. We haven't done anything constructive that will resolve the source of our anger. And now we've made someone else angry by dumping our bad feelings on them; we've made them as miserable as we are.
- Ask students to discuss instances when someone dumped their anger on them. How did that make them feel about the person? Did it make the person more attractive to them?
- Tell students that in today's video, we're going to see why it's important not to dump anger if you want to be socially attractive.
▶️ Show the video.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did Johnny do that was NotSmart?
He dumps his anger on Meika.
- He's having problems at work that have nothing to do with Meika. These problems have him feeling angry and miserable.
- Now he makes Meika miserable too by:
- Insulting her
- Refusing to help her when she asks nicely
- Refusing to smile or cheer up when she asks nicely
- Screaming at her to shut up
- Making no effort to have a good time
- Slouching
- Scowling or angry facial expression
- Loud, hostile, insulting, belligerent tone of voice
- No eye contact
- No listening
- Aggressive, hostile body language
What happened because Johnny was NotSmart?
He makes himself completely unattractive to Meika.
- She tells him not to take out his anger on her.
- When he continues ranting and raving, she says he's ruining her weekend.
- Finally, she can't take any more. She tells him that their relationship is over and she leaves.
- Johnny has made his bad situation worse. He's done nothing to solve his problems at work. And now he's destroyed the best thing in his life, his relationship with Meika. After making her this unhappy with such an immature tantrum, he's going to have a hard time winning her back. His future as someone who is socially attractive looks bleak.
How could Johnny have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how Johnny could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Johnny could have been PeopleSmart.
▶️ Start the video again.
⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How was Johnny PeopleSmart this time?
He avoids dumping on Meika.
- He's still unhappy about his job problems, but at least he's trying to have a good time.
- He apologizes for treating her badly and taking out his anger on her the last few days.
- He explains the source of his tensions.
- He promises never to dump on her again.
- He hugs her and tells her how much he loves her.
- Soft, tender, caring, sincere, apologetic tone of voice
- Gentle, affectionate eye contact
- Listens attentively
- Kneels and holds her hand
What happened because Johnny was PeopleSmart?
He makes himself attractive to Meika.
- She's grateful and relieved that he's aware of her feelings and that he cares enough about her to apologize.
- Whereas Johnny's dumping forced Meika to retaliate and eventually blew her away, now his caring, apologetic, even-tempered approach draws her closer to him. She:
- Smiles tenderly
- Listens attentively
- Expresses her own feelings in a sensitive, sympathetic way
- Accepts his apology by expressing understanding
- Hugs him and tells him she loves him
- Body facing him
- Affectionate, caring facial expression
- Grateful, caring, supportive tone of voice
- Gentle eye contact.
- Johnny and Leah's relationship has been strengthened and deepened by the sensitive, mature, mutually-caring way they both handled this crisis.
What can we learn from this?
- We all go through tough times now and then. But when you're angry or upset about something, don't take it out on the people who are closest to you and care most about you. You'll only make a bad situation worse by making them angry at you for making them as miserable as you are.
- In the NotSmart vignette, both Johnny and Meika were immature by thinking only of themselves; Johnny only cared about his own problems, and Meika only cared about the fact that his dumping was ruining her weekend. But in the PeopleSmart vignette, their attention was on each other and on their relationship - on "you" and "we" - instead of solely on "me."
- Again, to be socially attractive, put your attention on others, not on yourself. Don't just vent your anger and other feelings in any way that gives you some momentary release; be aware of the other person's feelings and the impact your anger is having on them. By doing this, you let them know that you really care about them.
- Instead of dumping your anger, let the person know what's bothering you and give them a chance to support you and help you. Let them help you feel less alone and give you confidence that, together, you can get through this.
Step 4: Activities
Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany
- dumping, and
- being even-tempered.
Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.
Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when someone dumped on them.
Have students roleplay these situations. Have students repeat the role plays, this time being even-tempered.
Have students brainstorm different situations in which they might be tempted to dump on someone when they were in a bad mood. These situations might include:
- You just got evicted from your apartment.
- Some bullies just made a fool out of you in front of your friends.
- You just flunked a big test.
- Your boss "really has it in for you."
- Have students roleplay NotSmart and PeopleSmart behaviors in these situations.
- Have the class provide feedback.
Have students:
- Keep a journal of instances in which they either dump or are even-tempered with others when things don't go their way.
- Report their experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for becoming more even-tempered and avoid dumping
Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled "Don't Dump on Me." Award prizes for each song's performance.
Have students discuss TV or movie scenes where a character either:
- dumped on another person, or
- was even-tempered when they faced a problem.
Have students roleplay these situations.
Have students identify the negative consequences of dumping on others and the personal benefits of being even-tempered with other people. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.
Return to: Segment 8. Care In Times of Need