Segment 8. Care In Times of Need

Objectives

Students will:

1. Understand why caring in times of need is socially attractive.
2. Identify different "times of need" in which another person might need to be taken care of.
3. Identify negative consequences of hot caring for another person in times of need.
4. Identify personal benefits of caring for another person in times of need.
5. Identify behaviors that accompany not caring for another person in times of need.
6. Identify behaviors that accompany caring for another person in times of need.
7. Model successfully caring for another person in times of need

Step 1: Lesson Introduction

Last time, we found out why not being sexist helps make you socially attractive. We learned that if you're sexist, you won't be attractive. There are other ways to be socially unattractive. One of these ways is by not caring for someone in a time of need.

• Ask students to discuss instances when someone failed to care for them when they needed it. How did that make them feel about the person? Did it make the person more attractive to them?
• Tell students that in today's video we're going to see why it's important to care in times of need if you want to be socially attractive.

▶️ Show the video.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1

What did Joe do that was NotSmart?

He doesn't care for Leah in her time of need.

• He briefly shows affection and concern:
• Holding her hand
• Leaning forward
• Feeling her forehead.
• But he doesn't seem to grasp how serious her plight is. Her mom's at work, she's too weak to get up, and she needs someone to fix her some food or she'll get even sicker and weaker.
• The bottom line is, being with his buddies and playing softball is more important to him than staying with his girlfriend and taking care of her when she really needs him. He'd rather let her down than let his buddies down.

What happened because Joe was NotSmart?

He makes himself completely unattractive to Leah.

• She throws her teddy bear at him and tells him not to bother coming back, not today, not ever.
• Joe has thrown away whatever future he may have had with Leah; more than that. his future as some who is socially attractive looks bleak. He "just doesn't get it" by thinking that playing softball is more important than caring for his girlfriend in her time of need. This kind of self-centered attitude is sure to come through in any relationship he may have. Who would find someone that immature attractive?
• If Joe is smart, he picked up that teddy bear she threw at him. That's all he'll have to cuddle with until he changes his ways.

How could Joe have been PeopleSmart?

Have students discuss how Joe could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation.

Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Joe could have been PeopleSmart.

▶️ Start the video again.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion* title appears on the screen.

Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2

How was Joe PeopleSmart this time?

He cares for Leah in her time of need.

• He tells Johnny to go wait in the car; this way, Joe can put his full attention on Leah.
• This time he hears her when she says she really needs him and wants him to stay.
• He tells Johnny to get someone else to take his place in the softball game; he's staying with Leah. Johnny objects loudly, but Joe doesn't care.
• Listens attentively
• Holds her hand
• Leans forward
• Feels her forehead
• Soft, tender, caring tone of voice
• Good eve contact
• Asks what kind of soup she wants and makes it for her

What happened because Joe was PeopleSmart?

He makes himself attractive to Leah.

• She's grateful and relieved that he's staying with her.
• Leah won't forget that Joe has come through for her when she needed him. Now he's proven that he really cares about her. He's shown that he's there for her in the good and bad times. She knows she's got something special with Joe as her boyfriend, and she's going to treat him like gold. Joe and Leah's relationship has just advanced to a new, deeper level.
• True, Joe may lose Johnny as a friend for bailing on the softball game. But if Johnny is that shallow for not supporting Joe in his decision to care for Leah, then Johnny was never Joe's friend to begin with. Good riddance.

What can we learn from this?

• Joe's mistake in the NotSmart vignette was that he thought both Leah and his buddies needed him equally.
• He couldn't or wouldn't see that Leah's need was far greater than the need of his buddies. And since he basically wanted to play softball, he let that be the deciding factor in what he did.
• In the PeopleSmart vignette, he made things much simpler by forgetting about what he wanted to do. This way, he could see clearly that Leah needed him much more than his buddies did. They could always find someone else to play. And even if they couldn't, so what? It's just a game. But the health of his girlfriend is at stake, and he's the only one who can take care of her right now. Seeing things this way, Joe has no trouble knowing whose need he had to take care of.
• This lesson applies to all of us: Forget about your needs, and take care of whoever needs you most right now. It's simple!
• It's easy to date someone or be their boyfriend or girlfriend when times are good. But what about when times get rough - when the other person gets sick or really needs your care for any reason? This is when you show whether you're just a "fair weather" boyfriend or girlfriend, or a real friend, as in "a friend in need is a friend indeed."
• Again, to be attractive to others, put your attention on them, not on yourself. This is especially important during their times of need. This is when they really need your attention and your caring not just to feel good about themselves, but to make it through a crisis. When your caring helps someone get through a crisis, they feel good about you and find you attractive. Even more important, they know that you really care about them. They know you'll be there for them in the good and bad
• The worst thing about a crisis is feeling that you have to go through it alone. By caring for someone in their time of need, you take away their biggest fear. With you there to provide strength and support, they know that somehow they can get through this. This is a wonderful gift to give anyone you'd like to have a relationship with. And it's a gift you give yourself, too, by knowing that you've done for someone else what you would want them to do for you in your time of need.

Step 4: Activities

Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany

1. not caring for someone in their time of need, and
2. caring for someone in their time of need.

Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.

Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.

Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when someone failed to care for them in their time of need. Have students roleplay these situations. Have students repeat the role plays, this time being caring.

Have students brainstorm different "times of need" in which might need to be taken care of. These situations might include:

• A parent is very ill or just died.
• A financial crisis.
• They got injured in a bike or car accident.
• They just got fired from their job.
• Their apartment just burned down.
• Have students roleplay NotSmart and PeopleSmart behaviors in these situations.
• Have the class provide feedback.

Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled "I'II Be There (When You Need Me)." Award prizes for each song's performance.

Have students discuss TV or movie scenes where a character either

1. didn't care for someone in their time of need, or
2. cared for someone in their time of need. Have students roleplay these situations.

Have students identify negative consequences of not caring for someone in their time of need and personal benefits of caring for someone in their time of need. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.