Segment 5: Show Interest

Objectives

Students will:

1. Understand why showing interest is socially attractive.
2. Understand the difference between showing interest and trying to be interesting.
3. Identify negative consequences of not showing interest in others.
4. Identify personal benefits of showing interest in others.
5. Identify behaviors that accompany not showing interest.
6. Identify behaviors that accompany showing interest.
7. Model successfully showing interest.
8. Develop strategies for being more successful in showing interest in others.

Step 1: Lesson Introduction

Last time, we found out why being trusting and unpossessive helps make you socially attractive to others. We learned that if you're possessive, you won't be attractive to others. There are other ways to be socially unattractive. One of these ways is by not showing interest.

• Ask students to discuss instances when another person failed to show interest in them. How did that make them feel about the person? Did it make the person more attractive to them?
• Tell students that in today's video, we're going to see why it's important to show interest if you want to be socially attractive.

▶️ Show the video.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1

What did Helen do that was NotSmart?

She doesn't show any interest in Raj.

• Non-responses to everything he says and proposes
• Leaning away
• Playing with the cup
• Eyes down or looking around the room
• No smile
• Blank or frowning facial expression
• Flat, indifferent tone of voice

What happened because Helen was NotSmart?

She makes herself completely unattractive to Raj.

• He begins full of enthusiasm; he's happy to see her and is excited about his plans for things they can do together.
• But her total lack of interest leaves him feeling deflated, depressed, and rejected. Nothing he says or does can break her out of her fog. She's "somewhere else;" he can only conclude that she finds him boring and doesn't want to be here now with him.
• Raj will probably decide he'd rather spend time with someone who shows more interest in him. And if Helen is like this with everyone, her future is as depressing as the look on her face.

How could Helen have been PeopleSmart?

Have students discuss how Helen could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation.

Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Helen could have been PeopleSmart.

▶️ Start the video again.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2

How was Helen PeopleSmart this time?

She shows interest in Raj.

• Says she's glad to be with him
• Responds with an enthusiastic tone of voice to what he says and proposes
• Listens attentively
• Nods to show she's listening
• Actively contributes to the conversation
• Leans forward
• Great eye contact
• Bright smile
• Entire face lights up with interest and enthusiasm

What happened because Helen was PeopleSmart?

She makes herself attractive to Raj.

• She shows that she shares the same interests as him. As a result, they decide to make jewelry together.
• By showing interest, she makes him feel good about himself, which makes him feel good about being with her.
• They share the same interests and enjoy each other's company. Chances are good that they'll have a fun, close, possibly very profitable relationship.

What can we learn from this?

• Again, to be attractive to another person, put your attention on them, not on yourself. Perhaps the simplest way to put your attention on someone is to show interest in them - in what they're saying, what they're doing, and who they are. By showing interest, you make them feel good about themselves. When you make people feel good about themselves, they feel good about you and find you socially attractive.
• With everyone, what you get from relationships is generally equal to what you give. Do you want them to show interest in you? Then show interest in them.
• There's a big difference between showing interest (attention to the other person) and trying to be interesting (attention to yourself). Trying to be interesting shows that you're self-centered; it makes other people lose interest in you and find you unattractive. But in showing interest you become interesting and socially attractive.
• Showing interest not only makes you attractive to others; it allows you to discover shared interests. And shared interests are a key element of a lasting relationship. Also, the more someone discovers they have interests in common with you, the more attractive you become to them.

Step 4: Activities

Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.

Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.

Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when another person failed to show interest in them. Have students roleplay these situations. Have students repeat the role plays, this time showing interest.

Have students play "Hot Seat":

• Have students form a circle, with one student sitting in the middle.
• Instruct students to put their total attention on the student in the middle and to ask this person "interested questions." These questions can be about any topic the person in the middle wants to talk about, or more generally about "what's going on in your life."
• Say "Stop" anytime a question is more "interesting" than "interested," or in some way shows that the questioner's attention and interest aren't fully on the person in the middle of the circle.
• Give all students a turn on the Hot Seat.
• Afterward, have students discuss how it felt being at the center of all that attention and interest. Bring out the point that this "good feeling" is what makes us find others attractive who show interest in us.

Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled "Tell Me About Yourself. Award prizes for each song's performance.

Have students:

• Keep a journal of instances in which they either show interest or fail to show interest in another person
• Report their experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for being more successful in showing interest in others.

Have students cut out pictures of people who look either interested or uninterested in another person. Have students create separate collages of these pictures.

Have students identify the negative consequences of not showing interest in others and the personal benefits of showing interest. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.