Segment 6: Make Compromises

Objectives

Students will:

1. Understand what it means to compromise
2. Understand why compromising is socially attractive
3. Identify the negative consequences of not compromising with others
4. Identify the personal benefits of compromising with others
5. Identify behaviors that accompany not compromising
6. Identify behaviors that accompany compromising
7. Identify situations in which compromising might be necessary with others
8. Model successfully compromising with others
9. Develop strategies for being more successful in compromising with others

Step 1: Lesson Introduction

Last time, we found out why showing interest helps make you attractive to other people. We learned that if you don't show interest, you won't be socially attractive. There are other ways to be socially unattractive. One of these ways is by not compromising.

• Ask students what compromising means. Explain that it means giving up some of what you want so that someone else can have some or all of what they want.
• Ask students to discuss instances when another person insisted on getting their way all the time. How did that make them feel about the person? Did it make the person more attractive to them?
• Tell students that in today's video, we're going to see why it's important to compromise if you want to be socially attractive.

▶️ Show the video.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1

What did Helen and Johnny do that was NotSmart?

They both refuse to compromise. Helen wants to see the little animals, but Johnny wants to see the big animals.

• Johnny ridicules what she wants to do.
• Both try to shout each other down
• Meek, whiny (Helen) or loud, scornful (Johnny) tone of voice
• Aggressive gestures
• No eye contact
• No smiles
• No listening
• Angry or frowning pouting facial expressions
• Not facing each other

What happened because Helen and Johnny were NotSmart?

They make themselves completely unattractive to each other.

• Johnny leaves her to go see the lions; Helen goes her own way.
• The fun day they have planned together is ruined. Neither will have much fun exploring the zoo alone, especially after having such a senseless argument.
• Helen is sick and tired of always letting Johnny have his way. Since he shows no signs of ever compromising, it's doubtful she'll ever want to see him again. They've thrown away what might have been a wonderful relationship.

How could Helen and Johnny have been PeopleSmart?

Have students discuss how Helen and Johnny could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Helen and Johnny could have been PeopleSmart.

▶️ Start the video again.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2

How were Helen and Johnny PeopleSmart this time?

They compromise.

• They seem to have reached a hopeless stalemate, facing away from each other, each refusing to budge. But at least they're both sticking around. This shows they want to work this out somehow.
• They agree on a solution in which both of them can get what they want.
• Soft, sincere, constructive tone of voice
• Good eye contact
• Smiles
• Listen to each other
• Friendly facial expressions
• Face each other

What happened because Helen and Johnny were PeopleSmart?

They make themselves attractive to each other.

• They apologize to each other and hug.
• They walk away arm in arm. They'll have a fun day together; both will see the animals they want to see.
• By compromising, they may even expand their tastes and preferences a little and grow as people: Johnny may discover that little animals are more interesting than he thought, and Helen may make a similar discovery with big animals. Instead of each stubbornly staking out a position in their respective worlds, they now can expand their worlds by sharing them with each other.
• Now Helen knows that Johnny really cares about her and wants her to be happy instead of caring only about getting what he wants; this makes him much more attractive to her.
• Now Johnny respects Helen more for standing up for herself instead of caving in to him all the time; this makes her much more attractive to him.

What can we learn from this?

• Helen and Johnny have become more attractive to each other because they've discovered they can work together to solve a problem. They reach a successful solution by putting their attention on each other instead of on themselves. They've discovered that the real goal in whatever they're doing is to enjoy each other's company and make each other happy instead of just focusing on "what I want." These lessons apply to all relationships with other people.
• To succeed in any relationship, especially with close relationships, both of you must be willing to compromise. As much as you may have in common, you're not always going to want to do the same things together. When this happens, you both need to "give a little and take a little," or compromise. If one of you is always caving in, or giving, while the other is always taking, or getting their way, the relationship can't succeed.
• The key to successful compromise is putting your attention on the other person and what they want. Only if you both get what you want can you come up with a win-win solution. It's better for both of you to get some of what you want than for one of you to be completely happy while the other is completely miserable. Remember, really caring about someone means that if they lose, you lose. By being willing to compromise in order to help them win, you make them feel good about themselves. When you make another person feel good about themselves, they feel good about you and find you attractive.
• Again, what you get from most relationships is generally equal to what you give. Do you want them to compromise so you can get what you want? Then show them that you will compromise so they can get what they want.

Step 4: Activities

Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.

Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.

Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when someone refused to compromise with them. Have students roleplay these situations. Have students repeat the role plays, this time compromising.

Have students brainstorm different situations in which they could either compromise or refuse to compromise with someone else. These situations might include:

• You want to go to an action film and your date wants to see a comedy.
• You're working on a class assignment together, and you want to listen to music while you work and your date doesn't.
• You both have invitations to different parties; your date wants to go to one and you want to go to the other.
• Have students roleplay NotSmart and PeopleSmart behaviors in these situations.
• Have the class provide feedback.

Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled "Give and Take" or "I'II Give a Little if You Will Too. Award prizes for each song's performance.

Have students:

• Keep a journal of instances in which they either compromise or fail to compromise with another person.
• Report their experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for being more successful in compromising with another person.

Have students discuss TV or movie scenes where a character was either:

• unattractive to by not compromising, or
• attractive by compromising.

Have students roleplay these situations.

Have students identify the negative consequences of not compromising and the personal benefits of compromising with others. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.