Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why being accepting is socially attractive.
- Understand that they can choose whether to focus on what they like or what they don't like about someone.
- Understand that they can choose whether to be critical or be accepting of what they don't like about someone.
- Identify the negative consequences of being too critical of someone.
- Identify personal benefits of being accepting of other people.
- Identify behaviors that accompany being too critical
- Identify behaviors that accompany being accepting.
- Model successfully being accepting.
- Develop strategies for being more accepting of others.
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why respecting personal space helps make you attractive to others. We learned that if you invade personal space, you won't be attractive to other people. There are other ways to be unattractive to others. One of these ways is by being too critical.
- Ask students to discuss instances when someone was too critical of them. How did that behavior make them feel about the person? Did it make the person more attractive to them?
- Tell students that in today's video, we're going to see why it's important to be accepting if you want to be socially attractive.
鈻讹笍 Show the video.
鈴革笍 Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did Leah do that was NotSmart?
She's too critical of Jeff.
- Whines about what took him so long
- Scolds him for eating sweets
- Says he's too fat and slobby
- Makes fun of his clothes and glasses
- Says she's embarrassed to be seen with him
- Sarcastic, accusing, nagging tone of voice
- Shaking head in disgust
- Scornful facial expression
- Aggressive, attacking posture
- Narrow, disapproving, critical eyes
What happened because Leah was NotSmart?
She makes herself completely unattractive to Jeff.
- He tells her he's tired of her abuse and walks away. He's done with Leah.
- All his friends are sure to congratulate him for finally dumping her. Everyone knows how critical she is. No one will want to put up with the same abuse from her that Jeff had to endure.
- Leah's future as someone who is socially attractive is extremely bleak.
How could Leah have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how Leah could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation.
Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Leah could have been PeopleSmart.
鈻讹笍 Start the video again.
鈴革笍 Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How was Leah PeopleSmart this time?
She's accepting of Jeff.
- Relieved and glad to see him
- Glad he got the chocolates
- Tempted to criticize his hat, but holds her tongue and tells him that if he likes it, she likes it
- Jokes about not showing the hat to her Dad in a friendly, gentle way that shows she's only kidding
- Affectionate touching
- Smiling and laughing gently
- Friendly facial expression
- Approving eye contact
- Affectionate, playful tone of voice
- "Soft," non-threatening posture
What happened because Leah was PeopleSmart?
She makes herself attractive to Jeff.
- She makes him feel good about himself, which makes him feel good about being with her.
- They have fun spending the rest of the day together.
- They seem really compatible and obviously enjoy each other's company immensely. This could be a long, successful relationship for both of them.
What can we learn from this?
- Sure, Jeff's taste in clothes may be different than Leah's. But that's just part of being the unique, lovable individual that he is. And a big part of being attractive to others is accepting them as they are instead of constantly criticizing them or trying to change them.
- As Leah said, "If you like it, I like it." This is a good definition of what it really means to accept someone. Because you accept them, you want them to be happy. If something makes them happy, then by definition it makes you happy. If they like it, you like it. It's that simple. Expanding your tastes and preferences in this way is one of the rewards of being with someone you accept.
- There's a big difference between being critical and teasing another person in a gentle, playful way.
- Being critical, such as Leah demonstrates in the NotSmart vignette, only tears people down and makes them feel bad about themselves; it attacks who they are.
- Playful teasing, such as Leah demonstrates in the PeopleSmart vignette, makes people feel good about themselves. It's fun for both of you, and it leaves no doubt that you accept the person.
- Nobody's perfect; you can always find flaws or things to criticize in anyone, even someone you're dating. But it's your choice whether you put your attention on the little things you don't like or on all the good things you like about the person. Put your attention - on the good things, accept the person - "warts and all" - and you'll make yourself socially attractive to others.
Step 4: Activities
Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany:
- being too critical, and
- being accepting.
Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.
Have students roleplay the NotSmartaroFedlesmart vignettes for the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when someone was too critical of them. Have students roleplay these situations. Have students repeat the role plays, this time being accepting.
Have students:
- Pair off and take a minute to write down one thing they like or accept about their partner and one thing they can criticize (something relatively non-threatening such as the color of his shirt or the style of her shoes).
- Take turns criticizing the thing they don't like.
- Focus on the same thing, but replace the criticism with gentle, playful teasing.
- Focus on the thing they like and praise it.
- Discuss how they had the choice of whether to focus on what they liked or what they didn't like about their partner.
- Discuss how, with what they didn't like, they had the choice whether to be critical of it or to be gentle, playful, and accepting of it.
Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled "Don't Bring Me Down" or "Will You Take Me As I Am?" Award prizes for each song's performance.
Have students:
- Keep a journal of instances in which they are either too critical or accepting of others.
- Report their experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for being more accepting of others.
Have students discuss TV or movie scenes where a character was either:
- unattractive to others by being too critical, or
- attractive by being accepting. Have students roleplay these situations.
Have students cut out pictures of people who look either critical or accepting of others.
Have students create separate collages of these pictures.
Have students identify the negative consequences of being too critical of others and the personal benefits of being accepting of others. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.