Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why it's important not to mistake a service provider's friendliness for friendship
- Understand why it's important to keep relationships with service providers within boundaries defined by their official duties
- Identify behaviors that are acceptable or unacceptable from a service provider
- Identify the negative consequences of mistaking a service provider's friendliness for friendship
- Identify the personal benefits of not mistaking a service provider's friendliness for friendship
- Identify behaviors that accompany mistaking a service provider's friendliness for friendship
- Identify behaviors that accompany not mistaking a service provider's friendliness for friendship
- Identify different situations in which a service provider might try to get them to do something they don't want to do
- Model successfully asserting themselves with a service provider who tries to get them to do something they don't want to do
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why it's important not to mistake the friendliness of a neighbor for friendship. We learned that if you think a neighbor is your friend, you could end up regretting what you do. There are other people besides neighbors who can make you mistake friendliness for friendship. These include service providers.
- Ask students for examples of service providers with whom they come in contact in the community. These include teachers, doctors, nurses, therapists, clergy, lawyers, etc.
- Ask students to discuss instances when they mistook a service provider's friendliness for friendship and did something they regretted. How did that make students feel? Was the service provider really their friend?
- Tell students that in today's video, we're going to see why it's important not to mistake the friendliness of a service provider for friendship.
▶️ Show the video.
⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did Zed do that was NotSmart?
He mistakes his therapist's friendliness for friendship. The therapist seems concerned about Zed's well-being. He tries to make Zed smile by playing the game with his toes. And he's been spending a lot of time helping Zed out over the past several months.
For all these reasons, he makes Zed feel that he is his friend and that Zed "owes" him something. As a result, even though Zed doesn't feel comfortable doing so, he lends money to the therapist.
- Hesitant, timid tone of voice
- Sad, uncomfortable facial expression
- Indecisive body language
- Overall lack of conviction
What happened because Zed was NotSmart?
- After the therapist leaves, Zed curses himself, sighs, and shakes his head. He regrets what he's done. He fears he'll never see that money again, which could put him in a bind in paying his other bills.
- Worse than just giving up money he really needs, Zed hates himself for being so weak. His self-respect has taken a big blow.
How could Zed have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how Zed could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation.
Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Zed could have been PeopleSmart.
▶️ Start the video again.
⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How was Zed PeopleSmart this time?
He doesn't mistake the therapist's friendliness for friendship.
- He stops the therapist right away when he tries playing the game with Zed's toes. This lets the therapist know that Zed doesn't want to be treated like a little kid.
- When the therapist asks for money, Zed initially tries to laugh it off. Then when the therapist tries to pressure Zed by claiming that he's Zed's best friend and by reminding Zed how much he's helped him, Zed sets the record straight:
- I don't really know you that well.
- I value your help, but it's not like we hang out.
- You get paid to help me.
- When I see you, I'm just being friendly (I'm not your friend).
- We exchange small talk, not really deep conversation.
- You don't really care about my best interests, you're looking out for yourself.
- I have my own money problems already; I can't give you the money.
- Self-assured facial expression
- Direct eye contact
- Facing him directly
- Firm, assertive, " mean business" tone of voice
- Shaking head firmly and decisively
What happened because Zed was PeopleSmart?
- He still has his money to spend on what he needs.
- He knows he did the right thing and that the therapist was wrong for asking for money. In fact, the therapist knows he was wrong too; that's why he asked Zed not to tell anyone about this - he knows he could get fired for asking patients for personal loans.
- By knowing he is right and standing firm, Zed has maintained his self-respect. He feels good that he has communicated his boundaries to the therapist very clearly.
What can we learn from this?
- It's the job of service providers to help us and take care of our best interests. That's what they're paid to do. But that doesn't make them our friends. Friends help us and take care of our best interests without expecting anything in return. If a service provider or anyone else expects something from you just because they're doing their job, don't fall for it - they're not your friend, no matter how friendly they may be.
- Remember, no one who is your friend will try to pressure you to do something you don't want to do. If someone tries to do this, you know this person isn't your friend or a service provider as with others, it's important to "draw a line in the sand" on what behavior is acceptable or not acceptable by them. This line sets a clear limit between what you will let them do with you, and what you will do for them. Make sure you keep your relationship with service providers within boundaries defined by their official duties.
- When a service provider tries to get you to do something you don't want to do, know that you're right in saying no to that person. Again, show your conviction in what you say and how you say it. Say no in a way that shows you mean business. By doing this, you may or may not gain the service provider's respect; but much more importantly, you'll maintain your own self-respect.
- If a service provider persists in trying to get you to do something you don't want to do, getaway, notify their supervisor and, if necessary, call the police.
Step 4: Activities
Invite a service provider from the community to clarify for students the boundary that separates acceptable professional conduct from unacceptable conduct by a service provider.
Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany
- mistaking a service provider's friendliness for friendship, and
- not mistaking a service provider's friendliness for friendship.
Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.
Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when they mistook a service provider's friendliness for friendship and did something they regretted. Have students roleplay
- NotSmart behavior, and
- PeopleSmart behavior in these situations.
Have students brainstorm different situations in which a service provider might try to get them to do something they don't want to do. These might include letting them into your home for some suspicious reason, asking you to do them some favor not related to their job, asking you for personal information, etc.
- Have students pair off and take turns roleplaying these situations in front of the class.
- Have students practice asserting themselves and saying no to the service provider.
- Have the class provide feedback.
Have students create a "Line in the Sand" wall chart identifying:
- Behaviors that are acceptable or unacceptable from a service provider.
- Things they will do with a service provider.
- Things they will not do with a service provider.
Based on this chart, have students:
- Create small sheets or cards summarizing these do's and don't for dealing successfully with a service provider who acts friendly but is not a friend.
- Take these home and post them in their room.
Have students identify the negative consequences of mistaking a service provider's friendliness for friendship and the personal benefits of not mistaking a service provider's friendliness for friendship. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.