Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why it's important not to mistake a neighbor's friendliness for friendship
- Understand what it means to be a "Good"
- Understand why it's important to keep relationships with neighbors within clear boundaries
- Identify behaviors that are acceptable or unacceptable from a neighbor
- Identify the negative consequences of mistaking a neighbor's friendliness for friendship
- Identify the personal benefits of not mistaking a neighbor's friendliness for friendship
- Identify behaviors that accompany mistaking a neighbor's friendliness for friendship
- Identify behaviors that accompany not mistaking a neighbor's friendliness for friendship
- Identify different situations in which a neighbor might try to get them to do something they don't want to do
- Model successfully asserting themselves with a neighbor who tries to get them to do something they don't want to do
- Develop strategies for doing a better job of asserting themselves with neighbors who try to get them to do something they don't want to do
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why it's important not to mistake the friendliness of a community helper for friendship. We learned that if you think a community helper is your friend, you could end up regretting what you do. There are other people besides community helpers who can make you mistake friendliness for friendship. These include neighbors.
- Ask students to discuss instances when they mistook a neighbor's friendliness for friendship and did something they regretted. How did that make students feel? Was the neighbor really their friend?
- Tell students that in today's video, we're going to see why it's important not to mistake the friendliness of a neighbor for friendship.
▶️ Show the video.
⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did the girls do that was NotSmart?
They mistake the neighbor's friendliness for friendship. As a result, they let him borrow their new boom box, even though they've only been neighbors with him for a couple of months. Neither of them feels good about letting him have it, but they're too weak and unsure of themselves to say no.
- Hesitant, timid voices
- Indecisive body language, squirming uncomfortably
- Weak gestures
- Nervous smiles
- Frowning facial expression
- Avoiding eye contact
- Bodies facing away from him
What happened because the girls were NotSmart?
After he leaves, they regret letting him borrow it.
- They realize they don't really know him very well, and they've just entrusted him with something very expensive.
- If he fails to return it or brings it back damaged, they could have a nasty dispute on their hands. They might even decide they don't feel comfortable continuing to live so close to someone with whom they have bad feelings and who knows where they live. They may end up having to find another place to live. Moving would be an expensive hassle, as would the cost of replacing the boom box.
- They might end up blaming each other for their mistake, which could damage their friendship.
- Even if he returns the boom box in good condition, now that he knows what a soft touch they are, he'll probably ask to borrow it or something else again. And sooner or later, he'll fail to return something or will return it in damaged condition.
How could the girls have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how the girls could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way the girls could have been PeopleSmart.
▶️ Start the video again.
⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How were the girls’ PeopleSmart this time?
They don’t mistake the neighbor’s friendliness for friendship, they set him straight: He's their neighbor, not their friend, and they don't want to trust him with something this expensive.
- They turn down his request in a firm but friendly, polite way.
- Self-assured, cordial facial expression
- Direct eye contact
- Sincere, firm tone of voice
- Faces turned toward him
What happened because the girls were PeopleSmart?
- The neighbor seems to accept their decision, but then he slams the door on the way out. Such a violent, immature response proves he was never their friend. The girls agree they've done the right thing.
- Since the neighbor obviously doesn't respect them, it's a good bet he wouldn't have respected their property. The girls can be grateful they've still got their boom box in good condition. They'll have fun enjoying it for a long time.
- Most likely, the neighbor will cool down and respect their decision. And he probably won't pester them again. But if he is dumb enough to hold a grudge and try to harass them or get back at them in any way, they should notify their landlord or call the police.
What can we learn from this?
- It's a good idea to be friendly with neighbors, but realize that they're not your friends. Because they live close to you and know where you live, it's especially important to "draw a line in the sand" on what behavior is acceptable or not acceptable by them. This line sets a clear limit between what you will let them do with you, and what you will do for them.
- Be very cautious about becoming too close with neighbors, especially by dating them or allowing your relationship to become too personal in some other way. It can be very awkward if a personal relationship with a neighbor turns sour. You may find it uncomfortable continuing to live so close to that person. You could even end up having to move, which would be a hassle and possibly expensive.
- When a neighbor tries to get you to do something you don't want to do, know that you're right in saying no to that person. Show your conviction in what you say and how you say it. By doing this, you may or may not gain the neighbor's respect; but much more importantly, you'll maintain your own self-respect.
- If a neighbor persists in trying to get you to do something you don't want to do, notify your landlord or call the police.
Step 4: Activities
Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany
- mistaking a neighbor's friendliness for friendship, and
- not mistaking a neighbor's friendliness for friendship.
Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.
Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when they mistook a neighbor's friendliness for friendship and did something they regretted.
Have students roleplay:
- NotSmart behavior, and
- PeopleSmart behavior in these situations.
Have students brainstorm different situations in which a neighbor might try to get them to do something they don't want to do. These might include letting them into your home for some suspicious reason, going out on a date, babysitting, dog-sitting, house-sitting, keeping a mysterious package (possibly drugs) for them, etc.
- Have students pair off and take turns roleplaying these situations in front of the class.
- Have students practice asserting themselves and saying no to their neighbors.
- Have the class provide feedback.
Have students discuss what it means to be a "Good Neighbor." Based on this discussion, have students create a "Line in the Sand" wall chart identifying:
- Behaviors that are acceptable or unacceptable from a neighbor.
- Things they will do for a neighbor.
- Things they will not do for a neighbor.
Based on this chart, have students:
- Create small sheets or cards summarizing these do's and don't for dealing successfully with a neighbor who acts friendly but is not a friend.
- Take these home and post them in their room.
Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled "Sorry, Neighbor." Award prizes for each song's performance.
Have students:
- Discuss TV shows or movies in which someone did something for a neighbor which they later regretted.
- Roleplay these situations.
- Repeat the role plays, this time demonstrating PeopleSmart behavior.
Have students:
- Keep a journal of how well they resist the efforts of neighbors to get them to do something they don't want to do.
- Report their experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for doing a better job of asserting themselves with neighbors who try to get them to do something they don't want to do.
Have students identify the negative consequences of mistaking a neighbor's friendliness for friendship and the personal benefits of not mistaking a neighbor's friendliness for friendship.
Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.