Segment 7: The Long-Term Acquaintance

Objectives

Students will:

1. Review the difference between an acquaintance and a friend.
2. Understand why it's important not to mistake a long-term acquaintance's friendliness for friendship.
3. Understand why it's important to keep relationships with long-term acquaintances within clear boundaries.
4. Identify behaviors that are acceptable or unacceptable from a long-term acquaintance.
5. Identify the negative consequences of mistaking a long-term acquaintance's friendliness for friendship.
6. Identify the personal benefits of not mistaking a long-term acquaintance's friendliness for friendship.
7. Identify behaviors that accompany not mistaking a long-term acquaintance's friendliness for friendship.
8. Identify different situations in which a long-term acquaintance might try to get them to do something they don't want to do
9. Model successfully asserting themselves with a long-term acquaintance who tries to get them to do something they don't want to do.
10. Identify long-term acquaintances with whom they might want to become friends.
11. Develop strategies for having successful friendships with these acquaintances.

Step 1: Lesson Introduction

Last time, we found out why it's important not to mistake the friendliness of a service provider for friendship. We learned that if you think a service provider is your friend, you could end up regretting what you do. There are other people besides service providers who can make you mistake friendliness for friendship. These include long-term acquaintances.

Have students:

• Review the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. Remind students that acquaintances are just people we know. And even if we've known an acquaintance for a long time, it doesn't mean this person cares about our best interests; that is, it doesn't mean this person is our friend.
• Identify long-term acquaintances of theirs who are not friends.
• Discuss instances when they mistook a long-term acquaintance's friendliness for friendship and did something they regretted. How did that make students feel? Was the long-term acquaintance really their friend?

Tell students that in today's video, we're going to see why it's important not to mistake the friendliness of a long-term acquaintance for friendship. We'll also find out what you can do if you want to become friends with a long-term acquaintance.

▶️ Show the video.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1

What did Jeff do that was PeopleSmart?

He doesn't mistake the acquaintance's friendliness for friendship.

• At first glance, they do seem to be friends.
• They see each other every day.
• They've known each other for a long time.
• They ask about each other's families.
• They share similar interests (talking about movies).
• But Jeff recognizes that all this doesn't make them friends. As a result, he politely but firmly refuses to lend the acquaintance money. He tells the acquaintance:

Just meeting at the bus stop doesn't make us friends.

• There's a difference between being friendly and knowing you well enough to give you $50.
• He has left the door open to becoming friends with the acquaintance. This shows that he likes the acquaintance but doesn't currently know him well enough to do something for him that he would do for a friend.
• Self-assured facial expression
• Direct eye contact
• Sincere and friendly but firm tone of voice
• Shaking head firmly and decisively
• Emphatic gestures showing conviction
• Saying "I'm sorry" sincerely

What happened because Jeff was PeopleSmart?

• He still has his money to spend on what he wants and needs.
• By knowing he is right and standing firm, Jeff has maintained his self-respect. He feels good that he has communicated his boundaries to the acquaintance very clearly.
• By communicating his boundaries in a sincere and friendly way, he has earned the acquaintance's respect and made him want to become Jeff's friend.

How could Jeff and the acquaintance become friends?

Have students discuss how Jeff and the acquaintance could become friends. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Jeff and the acquaintance could take a step toward becoming friends.

▶️ Start the video again.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2

How were Jeff and the acquaintance PeopleSmart this time?

• The next time they meet, the acquaintance apologizes for putting Jeff on the spot by asking for money. This shows that he cares enough about Jeff to feel bad for making Jeff uncomfortable. Jeff also apologizes for having to turn down the request. This shows that he cares enough about the acquaintance to feel bad about having to say no.
• By proposing that they go to a movie together, the acquaintance shows that he genuinely wants to be more than just a friendly acquaintance of Jeff's; he wants to find out if they can become friends. Jeff readily accepts, and both quickly become excited about their plans.

What happened because Jeff and the acquaintance were PeopleSmart?

It looks like they'll have a great time at the movie. They've already laid a solid foundation for a successful friendship by:

• Being honest and sincere with each other.
• Showing that they care about each other's feelings.
• Sharing similar interests.

Chances are good that they'll eventually become good friends!

What can we learn from this?

• Again, even if we've known a friendly acquaintance for a long time, it doesn't mean this person cares about our best interests; that is, it doesn't mean this person is our friend.
• With a long-term acquaintance as with others, it's important to "draw a line in the sand" on what you will do for them versus what you will do for a friend.
• When a long-term acquaintance tries to get you to do something you don't want to do, know that you're right in saying no to that person. Show your conviction in what you say and how you say it. By doing this, you may or may not gain the acquaintance's respect; but much more importantly, you'll maintain your own self-respect.
• If a long-term acquaintance persists in trying to get you to do something you don't want to do, get away and, if necessary, call the police.
• Do you have good feelings about a long-term acquaintance? Have you been honest and sincere with each other? Has this person shown that he/she cares about your feelings? Do you share similar interests? Then you might want to take the first steps to discover if you can become real friends. A good first step is doing something together that you both enjoy doing.

Step 4: Activities

Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany not mistaking a long-term acquaintance's friendliness for friendship. Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.

Have students roleplay the PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay. have students discuss how they feel.

Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when they mistook a long-term acquaintance's friendliness for friendship and did something they regretted. Have students roleplay PeopleSmart behavior in these situations.

Have students brainstorm different situations in which a long-term acquaintance might try to get them to do something they don't want to do. These might include giving them your address or phone number, letting them touch your private parts, letting them into your home for some suspicious reason, carrying a suspicious package, getting in a car with them, etc.

• Have students pair off and take turns roleplaying these situations in front of the class.
• Have students practice asserting themselves and saying no to the request.
• Have the class provide feedback.

Have students create a "Line in the Sand" wall chart identifying:

• Behaviors that are acceptable or unacceptable from a long-term acquaintance.
• Things they will do with a long-term acquaintance.
• Things they will not do with a long-term acquaintance.

Based on this chart, have students:

• Create small sheets or cards summarizing these do's and don't for dealing successfully with a long-term acquaintance who acts friendly but is not a friend.
• Take these home and post them in their room.

Have students:

• Identify long-term acquaintances with whom they might want to become friends.
• Explain to the class why they think these acquaintances might be good friends.
• Consult with the class to come up with "first steps" they can take to discover if they can become real friends with these acquaintances. Report the progress of these relationships to the class and be assisted by the class in developing strategies for making these friendships as successful as possible.

Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled "Let's Be Friends." Award prizes for each song's performance.

Have students identify the negative consequences of mistaking a long-term acquaintance's friendliness for friendship and personal benefits of not mistaking a long-term acquaintance's friendliness for friendship. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.