Segment 2: The Favor Giver

Objectives

Students will:

1. Understand why it's important not to mistake the friendliness of a favor giver for friendship.
2. Identify the negative consequences of mistaking the friendliness of a favor giver for friendship.
3. Identify personal benefits of not mistaking the friendliness of a favor giver for friendship.
4. Identify behaviors that accompany mistaking the friendliness of a favor giver for friendship.
5. Identify behaviors that accompany not mistaking the friendliness of a favor giver for friendship.
6. Model successful asserting themselves with favor givers.

Step 1: Lesson Introduction

Last time, we found out why it's important not to mistake the friendliness of a salesperson for friendship. We learned that if you think a salesperson is your friend, you could end up regretting what you do. There are other people besides salespeople who can make you mistake friendliness for friendship. These include people who do us a favor.

• Ask students to discuss instances when someone did them a favor, but it turned out that it was only because they wanted a favor in return. How did that make students feel? Was that person really their friend?
• Tell students that in today's video, we're going to see why it's important not to mistake the friendliness of a favor giver for friendship.

▶️ Show the video.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1

What did Jeff do that was NotSmart?

• First of all, he lets Anthony do him a favor by finishing Jeff's job for him. When he asks Anthony why he's doing this, he believes Anthony when he says they are friends. Jeff mistakes Anthony's friendliness for friendship.
• Because Anthony did him a favor, Jeff feels obligated to return the favor by letting Anthony have his day off. Jeff doesn't want to do this, but he lets Anthony make him feel guilty. He lets Anthony bully him and wears him down until finally he caves in and does what Anthony wants him to do.
• Hesitant, whiny voice
• Cowering body language
• Weak gestures
• Fearful facial expression
• Sighing
• Evasive eye contact

What happened because Jeff was NotSmart?

• He gives up a chance to go bowling and hang out with a girl he likes. Now Anthony will be with her, so Jeff may never have a chance to go out with her.
• Jeff knows he's been taken advantage of; he hates himself for being so weak and for caving in to Anthony. He feels like a complete loser.
• He may resent working Saturday so much that he'll do a bad job or not come in at all, which could get him fired. Or he may try to get revenge on Anthony in some way, which will only get him in trouble.

How could Jeff have been PeopleSmart?

Have students discuss how Jeff could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation.

Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Jeff could have been PeopleSmart.

▶️ Start the video again.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2

How was Jeff PeopleSmart this time?

He doesn't mistake Anthony's friendliness for friendship.

• He stands up to Anthony and refuses to give up his day off. He says no and holds firm no matter how hard Anthony tries to make him say yes.
• When Anthony tries to make Jeff feel obligated as a "friend," Jeff tells him that:
• They've only been co-workers for a couple of weeks.
• There's a big difference between being friendly at work and being friends.
• By trying to take advantage of Jeff, Anthony is proving that he's not Jeff's friend.
• Anthony isn't looking out for Jeff's best interests.
• He doesn't know Anthony well enough to trust him.
• Maybe Anthony should ask someone he knows better.
• Calm, confident facial expression
• Direct eye contact
• Firm, assertive tone of voice
• Confident, strong gestures and body language

What happened because Jeff was PeopleSmart?

• Anthony finally gives up. He has gained a new respect for Jeff. He'll probably work hard to be a good co-worker, which will make Jeff's job easier. He certainly won't try to take advantage of Jeff again. And if he proves over time that he really cares about Jeff's best interests and is someone whom Jeff can trust, he and Jeff may eventually become friends.
• Jeff will get a chance to go bowling Saturday and be with Cynthia. With the self-respect he has gained by standing up to Anthony, he is sure to make a good impression on her. Who knows? Maybe they'll go on to have a great relationship!

What can we learn from this?

• Jeff said it pretty well:
• There's a big difference between being friendly at work and being friends.
• Friends don't try to take advantage of friends.
• Knowing someone for only a couple of weeks isn't long enough to trust that person.
• Again, friends look out for the best interests of their friends. When someone only does a favor for you because they expect a favor from you in return, they're not looking out for your best interests; they only care about their own interests. They're not your friend, no matter how friendly they may seem.
• When you know someone is trying to take advantage of you, know that you're right in saying no to that person. Show your conviction in what you say and how you say it. By doing this, you'll gain the person's respect; more important, you'll build your own self-respect.

Step 4: Activities

Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany

• agreeing to return a favor for someone who's friendly but not a friend, and
• refusing to return a favor for someone who's friendly but not a friend.

Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.

Have students:

• Create small sheets or cards listing do's and don't for dealing successfully with favor givers who act friendly but are not friends.
• Take these home, post them in their room and refer to them regularly.

Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.

Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when someone did them a favor only in order to get a favor in return. Have students roleplay

• NotSmart behavior, and
• PeopleSmart behavior in these situations.

Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled "Do Me No Favors." Award prizes for each song's performance.

Have students discuss TV or movie scenes where a character did someone a favor only in order to get a favor in return. Have students roleplay these situations and practice saying no assertively to the favor giver.

Have students identify the negative consequences of mistaking the friendliness of a favor giver for friendship and the personal benefits of not mistaking the friendliness of a favor giver for friendship. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.