Instead of Inflating the Problem and Catastrophizing, Use The BeCool Problem Scale
š Student 1 reads:
"If I don't go with them, my friends will never talk to me. I'll lose their respect. No one will want to be around me. It would be awful."
š¬ Discussion
What words did Morganne use in her self-talk that showed she was catastrophizing, or making the problem bigger?
When words like "never," "awful" and "no one" are used in self-talk, the problem is usually being exaggerated, and catastrophizing is occurring. Spending a night in a drunk tank is "awful." Saying no to friends is not "awful," just difficult and unpleasant.
Is Morganne thinking "rationally" or foolishly? Could it be true that simply saying no to taking a cruise in a van would mean total rejection from the human race?
š Student 2 reads:
"Wrong! I don't think so. I'm not stupid! I don't like it, but this problem is not that big! On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being caught by my parents with alcohol on my breath, a little disrespect from my friends is a 3 or 4. It's not a catastrophe. I can handle a 3 or 4 .
š¬ Discussion
How did using The BeCool Problem Scale help Morganne realize she could handle the problem? It reminded her that compared to other problems she could be having at that moment, being able to resist peer pressure and maintain her self-respect was something she COULD handle.
Instead of Letting Others Control You, Cut the Strings and Control Yourself
š Student 1 reads:
"They're making me feel like a baby. They're making me feel terrible.
How can I say no to my best friends?"
š¬ Discussion
What words did Morganne use in her self-talk that gave her peers the power to control her feelings and actions?
Morganne's self-talk is leading her to make the decision that her friends know more about what's best for her than she does, that their wishes are more important than her self-respect.
Whenever you hear yourself using "They're making me..." or "You're making me..." in your self-talk, you're letting someone else control you. Learn to substitute "I" for "you" (see below).
š Student 2 reads:
"I'm in control of what I do. Not everybody has to respect me, but I do have to respect myself, and look out for myself. I'm going to listen to my conscience, not the advice of friends who want to party.ā
š¬ Discussion
Discuss the use of "I" instead of "they" as it relates to assuming responsibility for one's feelings and behavior.
Instead of Focusing on Blaming and Getting Even, Focus on Fixing the Problem
š Student 1 reads:
"Why am I being so stubborn? OK, I give up. I'll go. I don't feel good about it, but I'll go.
š¬ Discussion
What self-talk did Morganne use that made her think it was better to blame and hurt than change things for the better?
Instead of trusting her thoughts and feelings, Morganne blames and gives up.
Whenever your self-talk includes words like "give up," you know you are not doing what is best for you.
š Student 2 reads:
"I'm not going to turn a problem I can handle into one I can't. If they're really my friends, they'll understand."
š¬ Discussion
Why is fixing the problem better than fixing the blame?
Fixing the problem is better than fixing the blame for two reasons:
- blaming and punishing someone for a problem doesn't mean the problem is going to get fixed, and
- blaming and getting back can make the problem worse.
- Pass out Worksheet #10, where students are asked to match examples of self-talk with representative icons.
- Divide the group into pairs. Student #1 postulates a peer pressure "disrespect" problem for student #2 to face (see Common Examples of Self-Disrespect here for examples). Student #2 imagines (out loud to their partner) the possible consequences of losing it and then uses their own BeCool Problem Scale to put the problem in perspective. After five minutes, the students reverse roles. Conduct a group discussion of what the pairs learned from this process.