Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why apologizing for being wrong can help deepen a friendship
- Identify the negative consequences of not apologizing for being wrong
- Identify the personal benefits of apologizing for being wrong
- Identify the 3-step PeopleSmart approach for apologizing
- Model successfully using the PeopleSmart approach of apologizing for being wrong
- Develop strategies for doing a better job of apologizing for being wrong
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why it’s important to be supportive if you want to deepen a friendship. We learned that if you’re not supportive, you probably won’t deepen your friendship; in fact, you may even lose this person as a friend. There are other ways not to deepen a friendship. One way is by not apologizing when you are wrong.
- Ask students to discuss instances when a friend did something that hurt them, then failed to apologize. How did that make them feel? Did it make them want to become better friends with the person?
- Tell students that in today’s video, we’re going to see why not apologizing when you are wrong is a good way not to deepen a friendship.
▶️ Show the video.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did Johnny do that was NotSmart?
- He told Jeff he could borrow his tie for the job interview. But then when Jeff asked for it on the day of the interview, Johnny wouldn’t let him have it. He said he needed it to meet his girlfriend’s parents.
- Even worse, Johnny took no responsibility and showed no regret for breaking his agreement (indifferent facial expression and tone of voice; body facing away from Jeff). He didn’t even care that Jeff was upset. All he cared about was himself and his own plans.
- Johnny failed to apologize until after Jeff left, but by then he was too late and his tone of voice showed that he didn’t really mean it. He was still thinking only of himself; now he was worried that Jeff might actually be mad enough to throw him out of the apartment when he gets back.
What happened because Johnny was NotSmart?
- He made Jeff angry by breaking the agreement. Then he made Jeff even angrier with his irresponsible, uncaring, unapologetic attitude. He may cause Jeff not to get the job by coming to the interview without a tie.
- Now Jeff knows that Johnny can’t be trusted to keep his word. He also knows that Johnny is too self-centered or uncaring to apologize when he’s done something wrong. And who wants to live with someone like that? Jeff will probably carry through on his threat to make Johnny find another place to live. And he’ll probably tell everyone he knows how untrustworthy Johnny is and what a self-centered jerk he is.
- Johnny not only has thrown away any chance of being Jeff’s friend; he may have a hard time making friends with anyone.
How could Johnny have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how Johnny could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Johnny could have been PeopleSmart.
▶️ Start the video again.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How was Johnny PeopleSmart this time?
- He sincerely apologized for breaking his promise.
- Humble, sad facial expression
- Soft, sincere tone of voice
- Sighing with regret
- Facing Jeff and leaning forward with concern
- Saying he really messed up, was really sorry, and was way out of line
- He told Jeff he really valued their friendship and wanted to make amends with a gift.
- He promised never to let something so stupid come between their friendship again.
What happened because Johnny was PeopleSmart?
- He won Jeff over with his humility, sincerity, and gift; Jeff accepted his apology and shook his hand.
- Jeff apologized himself for the things he said; he told Johnny he didn’t have to move out.
- Johnny and Jeff’s friendship has survived this crisis with flying colors. Now they both know better than before how much they value their friendship. They are better friends than ever.
What can we learn from this?
- Breaking a promise or doing something else wrong that hurts or angers a friend may damage or even destroy your friendship. But it may also provide an opportunity to deepen your friendship - if you use the PeopleSmart Approach for apologizing.
- Admit your Mistake
- Apologize humbly and sincerely
- Make amends or do something that shows how much you value your friendship.
- Apologize humbly and sincerely.
- Make amends or do something that shows how much you value your friendship.
- It takes maturity to admit you were wrong and to apologize. And it can be painful; what if the friend doesn’t forgive you? But if your friend values your friendship as much as you do, they’ll want to forgive you. And if they don t, maybe they weren’t as good a friend as you thought they were. So what are you waiting for . . . apologize!
Step 4: Activities
Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Have students:
- Create a wall chart listing the three steps of the PeopleSmart approach for apologizing.
- Practice each of these behaviors.
Have students identify different ways that they could do something wrong to a friend. These might include saying something hurtful, borrowing something and failing to return it, standing the friend up, etc.
- Have students pair off and take turns roleplaying these situations in front of the class.
- Have the student apologize, using the PeopleSmart approach.
- Have the class provide feedback.
Have students:
- Discuss instances when they did something wrong and a) failed to apologize, or b) apologized to a friend.
- Discuss the impact of what they did on their friendship.
- Roleplay these situations, using the PeopleSmart approach when apologizing.
Have students:
- Keep a journal of how well they apologize for being wrong in their daily lives.
- Report their experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for doing a better job of apologizing for being wrong.
Have students create a funny skit filled with “Blunders and Bloopers”. Instruct them to make as many mistakes as possible bumping into each other, gently insulting each other, belching or showing other bad manners, etc. After each mistake, have the fun stop long enough for the student to sincerely apologize for the mistake, then let the fun begin again. Continue the skit until every student has had an opportunity to apologize.
Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled “I’m Sorry”. Award prizes for each song’s performance.
Have students:
- Identify the negative consequences of failing to apologize for being wrong.
- Identify the personal benefits of apologizing.
- Create separate wall charts listing these consequences.