Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why being truthful can help deepen a friendship
- Understand that lying to a friend is a serious violation of trust
- Understand that lying shows a lack of respect
- Identify the negative consequences of lying to a friend
- Identify personal benefits of being truthful
- Identify behaviors that accompany lying
- Identify behaviors that accompany being truthful
- Model successfully being truthful
- Develop strategies for being more truthful with friends
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why it’s important to apologize for being wrong if you want to deepen a friendship. We learned that if you don t apologize when you’re wrong, you probably won’t deepen your friendship; in fact, you may even lose a friend. There are other ways not to deepen a friendship. One way is by lying.
- Ask students to discuss instances when a friend lied to them. How did that make them feel? Did it make them want to become better friends with the person?
- Tell students that in today’s video, we’re going to see why lying to a friend is a good way not to deepen a friendship.
▶️ Show the video.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did Lani do that was NotSmart?
- She lied to Leah. She canceled their plans and told Leah she had to work late when she was actually going bowling with another friend.
- When Leah confronted her at the bowling alley, Lani made Leah even madder by acting as if she had done nothing wrong. (“It was just a little white lie.”)
- Indifferent tone of voice
- Downcast eyes
- Awkward body language, shifting from foot to foot, slumped posture
- Blank or frowning facial expression
- Failing to apologize until it was too late
What happened because Lani was NotSmart?
Leah told her she wasn’t her friend anymore, then stomped away practically in tears. Now that Lani has shown her true colors, Leah will never be able to trust anything she says. She won’t want to do anything with Lani again. Lani has not only lost Leah as a friend, but she may also lose her bowling partner, Meika, as a friend too. Meika has got to figure out that if Lani would lie to Leah, she will probably lie to Meika too. And who wants a friend who lies? When the word gets around about how Lani lies to friends, she may find herself without any friends at all.
How could Lani have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how Lani could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Lani could have been PeopleSmart.
▶️ Start the video again.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How was Lani PeopleSmart this time?
She told the truth right away. She told Leah that she got invited to the bowling event. It’s obvious that she would rather go there than to the movies as she and Leah had planned. But she leaves the choice to Leah by inviting her to go without insisting that they change their plans. (“I thought you could go too if that’s all right with you.”)
- Enthusiastic facial expressions and gestures
- Direct eye contact
- Sincere tone of voice
- Smiling
- Upright posture, body facing Leah
What happened because Lani was PeopleSmart?
Lani’s honesty and enthusiasm win Leah over. She agrees to change plans and go bowling with Lani. Now Leah is as excited as Lani; the girls are sure to have a fun evening together. They might even meet some cute guys. Even if they don’t, their friendship has been deepened. Now Leah knows that Lani is a true friend:
- She knows Lani won’t bail on her or lie to her face if a better offer comes along.
- She knows that even if Lani wants to change some plans that she and Leah have, Lani will:
- Be truthful with Leah.
- Include Leah in those plans.
- Let Leah make the final call.
What can we learn from this?
- Lying is a serious violation of trust. Again, trust is one of the tightest bonds that makes people friends. One way you earn trust is by doing what you say you’ll do, and keeping your word. When you lie to a friend, you shatter that person’s trust in you. And once you shatter a friend’s trust, you may never win it back. You may have thrown away any chance of deepening your friendship, or of being that person’s friend at all.
- There’s no such thing as a little white lie, especially when a friend is involved. Any lie shows a lack of respect; and respect, like trust, is one of the foundations of a friendship. Lying is a bad habit. Once you get used to telling little white lies, it becomes easier to tell bigger lies. Pretty soon you don’t know what’s the truth and what’s a lie. Treat lying the same as you do alcohol or other drugs: Just don’t do it, even a little bit.
- It takes maturity to be truthful. And it can sometimes be painful; what if the truth blows your friend away? But if your friend values your friendship as much as you do, they’ll value you for being truthful. And if they don’t, maybe they weren’t as good a friend as you thought they were.
Step 4: Activities
Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany:
- lying to a friend, and
- being truthful.
Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.
Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when a friend lied to them. Have students roleplay these situations. Have students repeat the role plays, this time telling the truth.
Have students:
- Discuss instances when they told friends little white lies and why they did this.
- Roleplay these situations.
- Repeat the role plays, this time being truthful.
- Create a wall chart listing common little white lies between friends.
Have students take turns telling the class what the saying the truth will set you free means to them, both in general and within the context of a friendship.
Have students play a game where they take turns making a statement to the class which only they will know whether it’s a lie or the truth.
- Have other students try to guess whether it’s a lie or the truth based on the student’s nonverbal clues.
- Make the point that not only is lying wrong and bad for a friendship; it’s easier for others to detect than we think it is. So don’t lie!
Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled No Lies. Award prizes for each song’s performance.
Have students:
- Keep a journal of how well they tell the truth in their daily lives.
- Report their experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for being more truthful with their friends.
Have students discuss TV or movie scenes where a character lied to a friend. Have students roleplay these situations, then repeat the roleplays with truthful behavior.
Have students identify the negative consequences of lying to a friend and the personal benefits of being truthful. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.