Segment 1: Don’t be a Show-Off

Objectives

Students will:

1. Understand why getting along with people is important
2. Understand why being socially attractive is important
3. Understand why being modest is socially attractive.
4. Identify the negative consequences of showing off.
5. Identify the personal benefits of being modest.
6. Identify behaviors that accompany showing off.
7. Identify behaviors that accompany being modest.
8. Model successfully being modest.
9. Develop strategies for successfully being modest.
10. Understand why putting attention on someone is socially attractive.
11. Model successfully putting their total attention on another person.

Step 1: Lesson Introduction

Discuss with students why living independently in the community is important. Ask students why getting along with people is an essential part of living independently in the community. Have students identify friends or acquaintances of theirs. How have these friendships and relationships made their lives happier, richer, and more successful? In what ways have their dealings or relationships with other people in the community made their lives more successful?

Tell students that some of the most rewarding relationships are with "someone special" of the opposite (or same) sex*, where we have an opportunity to experience deep feelings of caring and being cared for. Have students discuss some of the other rewards of having a successful relationship with someone special. Make the point that in these relationships, as in all of our dealings with people, we hold the key to whether a relationship will be successful or not.

• Have students identify a movie star, rock star, athlete, or anyone else of the opposite (or same sex whom they find attractive.
• Emphasize that not all of us can have movie star looks or a lot of money. But all of us can control how we behave around other people. And our behavior is much more important than how good-looking or rich we are, or any other factor, in influencing how attractive or unattractive we are.

Have students discuss instances when:

• Someone did something that "turned them on," or made that person attractive to them.
• Someone did something that "turned them off," or made that person unattractive to them.

Tell students that one way to be unattractive is by showing off.

• Ask students to discuss instances when someone showed off in front of them. How did that behavior make them feel about the person? Did it make the person more attractive to them?
• Tell students that in today's video, we're going to see why it's important to be modest if you want to be attractive to other people.

Over 96% of Americans are heterosexual and an estimated 3.5% identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Please hold a place in your classroom conversations for students who identify as sexual minorities.

▶️ Show the video.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1

What did Johnny do that was NotSmart?

He shows off for Lani and Meika:

• He brags about himself nonstop.
• He insists that all their attention be on him as he bowls.
• He celebrates his performance loudly and makes a complete spectacle of himself.
• He never lets them bowl.
• Cocky grin, raucous laughter
• Walking with a swagger
• Loud, obnoxious screaming
• Wild, flamboyant gestures

What happened because Johnny was NotSmart?

He makes himself completely unattractive to Lani and Meika. He embarrasses them in front of everyone else. They wish they had never come here with him.

• At first, they find him mildly amusing. But as his showing off becomes louder and more extreme, they become turned off and completely embarrassed. He's having all the fun, but they're not having any.
• They really want to learn how to bowl. But now they see that his promise to teach them was empty; how can they learn if he never lets them roll a ball?
• They'll never want to have anything to do with such a self-centered jerk. And when they tell their girlfriends about Johnny's showing off, none of them will either. Johnny's social future looks bleak.

How could Johnny have been PeopleSmart?

Have students discuss how Johnny could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Johnny could have been PeopleSmart.

▶️ Start the video again.

⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.

Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2

How was Johnny PeopleSmart this time?

He keeps his attention on helping Meika and Lani, not on showing off himself. He lets them bowl while he coaches and supports them. Then when he bowls last, he lets his performance, not his words, speak for him.

• Modest about his own skills
• Making quiet, helpful suggestions
• Cheering and encouraging them
• Soft, humble, sincere, enthusiastic tone of voice
• Friendly, smiling facial expression

What happened because Johnny was PeopleSmart?

He makes himself attractive to Lani and Meika.

• He helps them improve through his caring, expert coaching.
• They have fun because he lets them participate instead of hogging all the action and fun for himself.
• He makes them feel good about themselves by putting his attention on them instead of insisting that everyone's attention be solely on him.

Both girls are impressed by Johnny and think he's a nice guy. He has a good chance of pursuing a closer relationship with either one of them.

What can we learn from this?

• You may think you're impressing someone when you brag about yourself or show off. But you're only showing how insecure you are. People who are secure about themselves are willing to share the spotlight.
• Let your actions speak for you, not your words. If your actions merit praise, others will praise you. But if you're constantly praising yourself, people will find you boring, obnoxious, and insecure. They won't find you attractive.
• To be attractive to another person, focus attention on them, not on yourself. Ask yourself: How can you make them feel good about themselves, not how can you make them feel good about you.
• When you make other people feel good about themselves, they will feel good about you and find you attractive.
• Part of putting your attention on others is finding ways to help them have more fun, instead of looking only for ways to have more fun yourself. If you're hogging all the fun, no one else will find you attractive.

Step 4: Activities

Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany

• showing off, and
• being modest. Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.

Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.

Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when another person turned them off by showing off. Have students roleplay

• NotSmart behavior, and
• PeopleSmart behavior in these situations.

Have students:

• Discuss instances when they showed off.
• Roleplay a) NotSmart behavior, and b) PeopleSmart behavior in these situations.

Have students identify things that they do well or accomplishments that they are proud of. Then have them take turns sharing these activities or accomplishments with the class, first in a "showing off" or boastful way, then in a modest way. Afterward, have class members give feedback on which way made that person more socially attractive.

Have students play "Mimicry."

Have them pair off and face each other.

Instruct one member of each pair to talk about any topic - for instance, why today is a great day, and why I want to be socially attractive.

Instruct the other member of each pair to "be a mirror" for their partner by mimicking the words and the nonverbal behavior of this person. That is, they will repeat the partner's words, tone of voice, gestures, facial expressions, and other mannerisms a split-second after the partner says and does them.

Emphasize that the key to succeeding at this game is putting your total attention on your partner - really "tuning in" to that person - instead of putting your attention on yourself.

After two minutes, have students stop and switch roles.

Afterward, have students discuss their experiences during the game, especially times that they felt self-conscious or otherwise found themselves focusing on themselves rather than on their partner. Emphasize that this shows how much we're used to putting our attention on ourselves instead of on others. It takes a lot of practice to really put your attention on others. But it's worth it because this is the key to being socially attractive.

Have students:

• Keep a journal of how well they either show off or act modestly with others.
• Report their experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for successfully acting modestly with others.

Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled "Show Off."

Award prizes for each song's performance.

Have students cut out pictures of rock stars, movie stars, or athletes showing off in public.

Have students also cut out pictures of rock stars, movie stars, or athletes looking more modest and low-key in private. Have students create separate wall collages of these pictures. Bring out the point that when we see performers showing off, they're only performing. But in their personal relationships with others, they have to be modest like the rest of us if they want the relationship to succeed.

Have students identify the negative consequences of showing off and the personal benefits of being modest. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.