Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why it's important to stand firm after saying no to a stranger.
- Identify situations in which relenting on their no might get them in trouble with a stranger.
- Identify the negative consequences of relenting after saying no to a stranger.
- Identify the personal benefits of standing firm after saying no to a stranger.
- Identify behaviors that accompany relenting after saying no.
- Identify behaviors that accompany standing firm after saying no.
- Model successfully standing firm after saying no to a stranger.
- Model a 3-step approach for saying no and standing firm on it.
- Develop strategies for successfully standing firm after saying no to a stranger.
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why it's important to look alert when you're around strangers. We learned that if you don't look alert, you could get in trouble. There are other ways to get in trouble with strangers. One of these ways is by relenting after you've said no to a stranger.
- Ask students what relenting means. Clarify that it means doing something that "takes back" or negates our no, that is, giving in or yielding in some way after we've said no.
- Ask students to discuss instances when they or someone they knew got in trouble by relenting after saying no to a stranger.
- Tell students that in today's video, we're going to see why it's important not to relent after saying no to a stranger.
▶️ Show the video.
⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did Meika do that was NotSmart?
She relents after saying no to the stranger. For a while, she seems to be doing fine.
- Politely but firmly saying no
- No smile
- Expressing no interest in him
- Not facing him
- Continuing to walk assertively, trying to ignore him
- Avoiding eye contact
But she can't shake him; he ignores her no. When he mentions his wife and kids, she expresses interest. She thinks he is safe because he says he has a family. She "takes back" her previous "no" by now continuing the conversation.
What happened because Meika was NotSmart?
She gets in trouble.
- The stranger suddenly grabs her and pulls her into some bushes on an isolated part of the path. There's no one around to help her, and she can't scream with his hand over her mouth.
- Meika is in good shape, but the stranger is bigger and stronger. She could get beat up, raped or even murdered.
How could Meika have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how Meika could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one-way Meika could have been PeopleSmart.
▶️ Start the video again.
⏸️ Stop the video when the "Pause for Discussion" title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How was Meika PeopleSmart this time?
- She stands firm on her no.
- She says no in a polite tone of voice and continues walking.
- When he persists, she cuts him off right away to say no again.
- Sharp, firm, "I mean business" tone of voice (not polite or friendly anymore)
- Face toward him
- Direct eve contact
- Decisive hand gestures for emphasis
- When he persists yet again, she realizes he "just doesn't get it"; she says no with finality.
- Stops walking
- Faces him with her entire body
- Tells him "you are bothering me”
- Urgent, commanding "stop messing with me" tone of voice; she's no longer asking or even telling; she's giving an order
- Upright posture; assertive stance
- Emphatic gestures
This time he "gets it" and leaves. She resumes walking and keeps looking over her shoulder to make sure he isn't coming back.
What happened because Meika was PeopleSmart?
She doesn't get in trouble. The stranger goes looking for another victim. He won't bother her again; he knows she's no one to mess with. She's in control of her life.
What can we learn from this?
- Again, some strangers will say anything and make up any story to convince you that you can trust them and that they are not dangerous. If a stranger tells you something to try to make you do something you don't want to do, don't buy it. Don't trust strangers. Remember, it takes a long time to trust someone.
- Again, any strangers who don't leave you alone after you politely say no are people you really need to be careful of. At this point, "crank it up a notch" when you say no As Meika demonstrated, this doesn't mean screaming or making a scene; do this only as a last resort. It just means letting the stranger know in no uncertain terms that you really do mean what you say - that "no" really does mean "no."
- Know that you're right in saying no to a stranger and standing firm on your no. Show your conviction in what you say and how you say it. Say no in a way that shows you mean business. Say it in a way that sends a clear message - don't mess with me.
- Again, asserting yourself with a stranger who's trying to get you into trouble is a battle of wills. Use all of your resources your words - your tone of voice, your body language, your facial expression - to show that your will is stronger than the stranger's will. By showing that you're strong, not weak, you'll avoid getting in trouble with strangers. You'll avoid becoming a victim.
- You weaken your will - and your no - when you send mixed signals to a stranger. For example, in the NotSmart video vignette, Meika says no but then expresses interest in the stranger's family. In this way, she shows that she's relenting, or "taking back" her no. When you say no to a stranger, don't back off from it in anything you say or do; stand firm on your no until the stranger is gone. Then keep your eyes on him to make sure he's gone for good.
Step 4: Activities
Have students create wall charts listing behaviors that accompany a) relenting after saying no to a stranger, and b) standing firm after saying no to a stranger. Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.
Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when they or someone they knew got in trouble by relenting after saying no to a stranger. Have students roleplay:
- NotSmart behavior, and
- PeopleSmart behavior in these situations.
Have students practice the 3-step PeopleSmart approach for saying no to a stranger and standing firm on it:
- Saying no politely but firmly
- Telling the stranger no if he/she persists (less polite, more firm)
- Ordering the stranger to stop the unwanted behavior and to leave if he/she persists even more.
Have students play "Battle of the Wills."
- Have them pair off and take turns matching their will against their partner's will on something about which they have a strong opinion or viewpoint-for instance, favorite fast food restaurant, favorite style of music, favorite movie star, athlete, or recording artist, etc.
- As students take turns saying, "No, I'm right because..." instruct them to communicate their conviction in all of their verbal and nonverbal behaviors.
- Have the rest of the class provide feedback on how effectively both game players communicate and stand firm on their viewpoints.
- Don't allow the game to escalate into a shouting match. Remind students how Meika very forcefully imposed her will on the stranger without raising her voice or creating a scene. Replay the video vignette several times if necessary and let students practice each of her nonverbal behaviors in turn: tone of voice, posture, gestures, eye contact, facial expression, etc.
- Conclude the game by stating that there is no winner or loser. We all win when we "crank up our will" to stand firm on our no to a stranger.
Have students brainstorm different situations in which relenting on their no might get them in trouble with a stranger. If possible, invite a law enforcement representative to help students identify these situations. These might include a stranger trying to pick them up at a dance club, sit with them at the beach or in a park, follow them home, get them to deliver a package, etc.
- Have students take turns roleplaying NotSmart and PeopleSmart behavior in these situations in front of the class.
- Have the class provide feedback.
Have students:
- Keep a journal of how well they do in saying no to strangers and standing firm on their no.
- Report their experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for successfully standing firm on their no.
Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled "No Means No, and That's That. Award prizes for each song's performance.
Have students discuss TV or movie scenes where a character got in trouble by relenting after saying no to a stranger. Have students roleplay these situations.
Have students identify the negative consequences of relenting after saying no to a stranger and the personal benefits of standing firm after saying no to a stranger. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.