Segment 1: Be Approachable

Objectives

Students will:

1. Understand the importance of being approachable when meeting someone
2. Identify the negative consequences of being cold when meeting someone
3. Identify the personal benefits of being approachable when meeting someone
4. Identify behaviors that convey being approachable
5. Identify behaviors that convey being cold
6. Model successfully being approachable when meeting someone
7. Identify situations in which they might not want to be approached
8. Model successfully being not approachable when not wanting to meet someone

Step 2: Lesson Introduction

There are many ways to damage your chances of meeting people successfully. One of these ways is by coming across as unapproachable. What do we mean when we say that someone is unapproachable when we try to meet them? Have you ever met someone who was unapproachable? What did this person say or do that made him/her come across as unapproachable? How did this make you feel about the person? In today’s video, we’re going to see why being unapproachable is a good way not to meet people.

▶️ Show the video.

⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.

Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1

What did Justin do that was NotSmart?

He came across as unapproachable to his co-workers.

• His posture was rigid.
• His voice was flat and unfriendly.
• He had a stern look on his face.
• He didn’t smile.
• He avoided eye contact. Because of his poor eye contact, he practically ran into his boss.
• He remained stony-faced even when his boss told the joke.
• He didn’t even respond when his boss praised his work.

What happened because Justin was NotSmart?

He made his co-workers uncomfortable working with him. They wonder what his problem is. By being so unfriendly, he has made the job more difficult and unpleasant for his co-workers and himself. They will probably give up trying to be friendly to him. They may even be as unfriendly to him as he is to them. In fact, by being so unpleasant to be around, Justin may even force the boss to fire him, even though he’s good at the rest of his job. His bad vibes are just too disruptive to everyone else.

How could Justin have been PeopleSmart?

Have students discuss how Justin could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Justin could have been PeopleSmart.

▶️ Start the video again.

⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.

Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2

How was Justin PeopleSmart this time?

He was much more friendly and approachable.

• He introduced himself to his co-workers.
• He smiled.
• He shook their hands.
• He made eye contact.
• His posture was much more relaxed.
• He joined in the conversation.
• He showed consideration for Helen by asking if he was going too fast.

What happened because Justin was PeopleSmart?

He made a positive impression on his co-workers. He showed that his people skills are as good as his pizza-making skills. By communicating in a friendly way and showing consideration, he proved that he’s a good team player instead of someone who’s only comfortable working by himself. By being so pleasant to work with, he makes the jobs of his co-workers easier and more enjoyable. He has a bright future at this job. And if any social occasions arise after work, he’ll probably be invited because he’s so enjoyable to be around.

What can we learn from this?

• If you want to meet people, you need to look approachable. If you act in a way that doesn’t look approachable, people will usually back off.
• Once again, often when we look aloof or unapproachable, we’re simply shy. Or we’re afraid that if we act friendly to someone, we’ll be rejected. But whatever our reasons, we can’t expect people to try to figure out why we’re acting unapproachable. If we want to meet them, we need to show them that we do. Remember, what we get is generally equal to what we give.
• When we’re at a job or working on any task, it’s good to focus on what we’re doing. But if our job involves dealing with other people or working as part of a team, we need to focus on our co-workers as well. If we’re not approachable or if we can’t work smoothly with others, we probably won’t be successful at any group task.

Step 4: Activities

by using only their faces. Then repeat the exercise, this time with students using only their body language. Repeat the exercise again, this time with students using only their tone of voice.

Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.

Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when they met someone and the person came across as unapproachable. Have students roleplay these situations.

Have students:

• Discuss instances when they met someone and the person was approachable. How did this make them feel?
• Roleplay these situations.

Have students pair off with someone in the class they don’t know very well. If all students know each other well, have them pretend they don’t. Then have students roleplay meeting each other and practicing being approachable. For fun, you might want to have each pair take turns roleplaying in front of the class. The class can act as observers and shout Not approachable or Approachable each time role players say or do something that comes across this way. Possibly keep a running tally and award prizes to those who do the best job of being approachable.

Have students:

• Identify situations where they might not want to be approached. For instance, a girl might be in a public place and not want to be approached by boys. Or a student might be walking past drug dealers and not want them to approach. Make the point that we can turn on behaviors that make us approachable, or we can “turn off” these behaviors to make ourselves unapproachable.
• Roleplay different situations where they practice “turning off” different behaviors (facial expression, body language, tone of voice, etc.) to make themselves unapproachable.

Have students cut out pictures of people who appear unapproachable or approachable. Have students mimic these behaviors, then create separate wall collages of these pictures.

Have students discuss TV or movie characters or professional athletes who come across as unapproachable or approachable. Have students roleplay these people’s behavior.

Have students identify the negative consequences of appearing unapproachable when meeting someone and the personal benefits of acting approachable when meeting someone. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.