If another’s anger is fair, Apologize & Make Amends
Teacher Notes
The first lesson of each of the five BeCool Modules introduces the BeCool Process: LOOK COOL, THINK COOL, and ACT COOL. If you have purchased more than one module in the BeCool series and have already introduced your students to the BeCool paradigm, you may choose to ignore or spend less time with activities in this lesson related to the process.
Your more capable students will quickly learn the three "styles" of response and the benefits of each. Your more challenged students may have more difficulty. For this group, the goal should be that they become aware that they have a choice in the way they respond to anger other than running away or becoming angry themselves (See page 6 on Response Inhibition.)
Video Synopsis
In the video, we see Phil accidentally trip Ted, causing him to drop a stack of books. Everyone laughs, and Ted's embarrassment turns into anger toward Phil. The video portrays Phil modeling COLD, HOT and COOL responses to Ted's anger. In the BeCool response, Phil calms himself, and upon reflection, realizes that Ted's anger is understandable and fair. Phil then "accepts" responsibility for tripping Ted, "apologizes" to him, and "makes amends" by helping him pick up the books. Another way that Phil acted COOL was to immediately take responsibility for tripping Ted before Ted had a chance to get angry.
Introduction
Before viewing the video, discuss the following. Paraphrase and adapt the questions and content to meet the ability level of your students.
How many of you have had someone be angry with you?
Yes, it's something that happens to all of us. (The teacher should share with the class a time when someone was mad at him/her for something and describe how it felt.)
What are some of the reasons people get angry at other people?
Review the reasons listed in "Instructional Content."
How do you know when a person's anger is fair?
Sometimes a person can be angry with us for something we did. We say their anger is fair. Sometimes they can be angry at us for something we really didn't do. We say their anger is unfair (See "Instructional Content" on page 11 for more information on fair and unfair anger).
Who can tell us when somebody was angry at them for something they did (fair anger) and for something they didn't do (unfair anger)?
Ask students not to share anything that would embarrass them.
Video Introduction
Today, we are going to meet classmates, Phil and Ted. Ted's angry at Phil because he thinks Phil tripped him on purpose, causing everyone in the class to laugh at him. Ted has reason to be angry with Phil since his anger is fair. We're going to see three ways Phil reacts to Ted's anger...COLD or withdrawn, HOT or angry, and COOL or assertive.
View Video (without stopping)
▶️ Start Video. Anger/Other, Part 1 - "Accept/Apologize/Make Amends"
Discussion
We just saw three ways to react to anger that is fair. We can feel sorry for ourselves and withdraw. That's called being COLD. We can be angry or aggressive. That's called being HOT. Or we can be COOL.
Phil was COOL when he realized that Ted's anger was fair. He "accepted" responsibility for bumping into Ted, "apologized" to Ted and "made amends" by helping him pick up the books. Another way that Phil was COOL was when he accepted responsibility and apologized for tripping Ted before Ted had a chance to get angry.
Go to: Guided Discussion