Introduction
Dealing with angry individuals is a highly challenging task for most people. If not handled effectively, angry behavior can cause emotional and physical damage to those exposed to it. Angry actions can elicit extreme reactions from others, ranging from social withdrawal to aggression. Managed well, anger can lead to positive changes in behavior, and to solutions to difficult interpersonal problems. The following program demonstrates methods that young adolescents can use to effectively cope with another's angry behavior.
Aner/Other vs Anger/Self
The focus of Module 4 (Coping With Anger From Others) is on responding to the other person's anger He/She is angry with us and we must reply. Initially, we are not angry ourselves, the anger is introduced from the outside. In these situations, anger confronts us. As illustrated by the characters in the videos, there are three basic ways we can react COLD, HOT and COOL
Module 5 (Coping With One's Own Anger) addresses self-anger. We are angry, we do the confronting, we introduce our anger into the situation. We can direct our angry feelings at the other person(s) by being COLD, HOT or COOL AS We continue to see, the COOL, assertive mode is the most successful in resolving conflict.
Anger from Others Module Objectives
This program will teach students to:
- Understand what angry behavior is.
- Understand why people become angry
- Distinguish fair anger from unfair anger
- Recognize when angry behavior becomes dangerous.
- identify characteristics of:
- A COLD (passive, giving up) response to another's anger.
- A HOT (aggressive, blowing up) response to another's anger.
- Identify drawbacks of the HOT and COLD responses to another's anger.
- Identify the three steps of the COOL response to anger
- LOOK COOL: Detached, non-threatening demeanor
- THINK COOL: Non-blaming Perceiving Style
- ACT COOL Uses T statements and asserts tights with respect and fairness
- Accept/Apologize/Make Amends - Lesson 1
- Take A Break/Talk It Over - Lesson 2
- Recall and perform the steps of assertive/COOL responses to angry behavior in roleplay and teal situations
Anger Defined
Angry behavior refers to a wide range of actions associated with the expression of displeasure, disagreement, or dislike in relation to other people, objects, or situations. This module focuses on coping with anger coming from another person. Module 5 addresses how to cope with anger coming from oneself.
Interpersonal anger usually takes the form of negative statements directed at another person, delivered in a stern tone of voice, at moderate or loud voice volume, with dominant body posture and serious facial expression. Angry behavior varies in intensity from mild (confronting firmly) to severe (yelling) to dangerous (breaking objects, hitting)
Why People Become Angry
People engage in angry behavior for several reasons. People may act angry to get others to do what the angry person wants. People may act angry without a conscious reason or purpose, as a reflexive reason to fear, loss, frustration or pain. Anger may also be directed at one person when the angry person is actually angry about something else. This is referred to as "misdirected" anger, and may be performed to get sympathy or support from others.
Fair vs. Unfair Anger
Anger is considered fair if it is based on (1) an accurate assessment of the behavior of the person to whom it is expressed, (2) the actions of the person to whom it is directed, (3) violation of a commonly accepted expectation and (4) if the intensity of the angry response matches the severity of the consequences suffered by the offended person. For example, it is fair that a person would firmly explain to a friend who arrived for a lunch date an hour late that having to wait was unpleasant and a major inconvenience and that next time he will wait no more than 10 minutes before leaving.
Anger is unfair if it is based on (1) an inaccurate assessment of a person's behavior, (2) something other than the actions of the person to whom it is directed (3) violation of unrealistic expectations or (4) if the intensity of the angry response exceeds the severity of the consequences suffered by the offended person.
For example, it would be unfair for a person who had waited for a friend for five minutes to say that he had waited for 20 minutes or to be angry at one friend because he had waited for an hour for another friend. Further, it would be unfair for a person who had waited for a friend for five minutes to explain that waiting was unpleasant and a major inconvenience or to terminate a friendship because a friend was an hour late on one occasion.
Young adolescents can acquire the cognitive skills necessary to distinguish if anger is fair or unfair. However, this ability to discern may be difficult for those facing cognitive challenges.
Dangerous Anger
Angry behavior becomes dangerous when it can result in physical injury to others. Throwing and hitting are the most common forms of dangerous angry behavior. Holding potentially dangerous objects such as a knife, bat or hammer when engaging in angry talk; statements of intent to injure self or others; and the presence of alcohol or drugs are all cues that the anger could are dangerous