Anger: The COLD Response

The COLD (Passive) Response to Another’s Anger

Passive or "COLD" responses to another’s anger usually involve withdrawal or avoidance. Passive responses include:

Looking COLD

“Victim-like" demeanor involves:

1. Head down,
2. No eye contact with angry person
3. Body bent over.
4. Sad or blank facial expression.
5. Timid body movements

Thinking COLD

"Self-blaming Perceiving Style" with statements like:

1. "It's my fault. I’m not a good person I can’t do anything right"
2. "I deserve to be treated this way
3. "There's nothing I can do about
4. "If I don't do what they say, I’ll get hurt."

Acting COLD

Behavior that exhibits giving up, running away, withdrawing or becoming depressed such as:

1. Do or say nothing.
2. Mutter or speak with low voice volume.
3. Cry
4. Meckel did something wrong" victim attitude.
5. Avoid the angry person.

Drawbacks of the COLD (Passive) Response

Drawbacks of passive responses to anger include more angry behavior from the person, failure to resolve interpersonal conflicts, and negative thoughts about self. Additionally, feelings of anger, frustration or sadness may increase. Temporary relief may be experienced through withdrawal from the immediate situation when anger occurs. This is an illusory benefit as it is actually counterproductive to any long-term solution.