Anger: Reaction Summary

Looking COLD

Victim-like demeanor

1. Head down, no eye contact with bully
2. Body bent over.
3. Sad or blank facial expression.
4. Timid body movements.

Thinking COLD

Self-blaming Perceiving Style:

1. "It's my fault, I’m I’m not a good person I can’t do anything right
2. I deserve to be treated this way
3. There's nothing I can do about it."
4. If I speak up, he’ll get hurt"

Looking HOT

Threatening Demeanor:

1. Head up.
2. Glaring stare, too much eye contact
3. Tense posture, clenched fists, tight muscles
4. Angry, challenging facial expressions.

Thinking HOT

Oher-blaming Perceiving Style

1. “It's all their fault"
2. “If I’m calm, they won’t listen to me."
3. “If I don’t get mad and fight back, they’ll get what they want"
4. "Others will think l'm a sissy if I don’t fight back
5. “Go ahead make my day. I’ll get even”.

Acting HOT

Behavior that lacks, belittles, subjects, controls or defeats

1. Arguing denying or not listening
2. Speaking with elevated voice volume, yelling.
3. Speaking with hostile voice tone.
4. Making derogatory or threatening statements, swearing.
5. Hitting, throwing or breaking things.

Looking COOL

Nonthreatening Demeanor

1. Take time to gain composure. Pause, turn, look away
2. Take deep breaths, do settling behaviors (Stretching etc.)
3. Nonaggressive, confident expression. Stand or sit up straight.
4. Good eye contact when speaking

Thinking COOL

"Non-blaming Perceiving Style' with statements like;

1. "What’s the problem?”
2. "I’m going to stay calm and listen to the angry person.”
3. “I’m a good person even if they are angry at me."
4. "Is this anger fair?"
5. Decide if it is a dangerous anger.