Self-Anger: Reaction Summary

COLD Appearance

• Head down. No eye contact
• Body bent over.
• Sad facial expression
• Timid body movements

COLD Thoughts or Self-Talk:

• "This always happens to me."
• "There's nothing I can do about it."
• "I speak up, it won't do any good"

COLD Behavior

• Do or say nothing
• Mutter or speak with low voice volume
• Cry
• Leave or avoid the person

HOT Appearance:

• Head up, glaring stare, too much eye contact
• Tense posture, clenched fists, tight muscles
• Angry facial expression

HOT Thoughts or Self-Talk:

• "I'm calm, they won't listen to me."
• ”I’m going to blow up."
• "He/She thinks they're the best… I’ll show them

HOT Behavior:

• Arguing, not listening
• Speaking loudly
• Angry voice
• Making threats
• Hitting, throwing breaking things

COOL Appearance:

• Taking time to stop and relax, i.e. pause, turn, look and/or step away, take deep breaths, and perform other related behaviors.
• Confident expression
• Good eye contact when listening and speaking
• Speaking with a calm, "important voice."

COOL Thoughts or Self-Talk:

• “I say calm and talk to the other person,"
• "Angry feelings are okay, just BeCool to handle them."
• "I’ll be calm about what's bothering me so I can think clearly."
• "Do I need to take a break and cool off first?’’

COOL Behavior

Use the 4-Step Assertion Plan:

• Tell what you don't like
• Tell how you feel
• Tell what you want
• Tell what will happen if you can't work things out

If your Anger is Dangerous

• Leave immediately.