We're going to see the video again. This time we'll stop the video for discussion after we see Tommy being COLD, HOT, and COOL.
鈻讹笍 Start Video. Anger/Self, Part 2 - "Frustration: 4-Step Plan"
鈴革笍 Stop the video after the COLD Response. This is the point at which the person is frozen on the screen opposite the image of a "COLD" Chester, and he has finished discussing the effects of the person being COLD.
The COLD Response
What was the COLD reaction?
Because Tommy was feeling frustrated at his abilities, he started whining and feeling sorry for himself. He didn't feel confident so he gave up and ruined his own car.
Did it work? Why not?
No. Tommy quit and didn't get better at playing with legos. And Chaye didn't understand Tommy's reaction.
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How did Tommy feel?
Mad, upset, frustrated, embarrassed.
Teaching The COLD Response Icon
Discuss the use of the image of "Chester sadly leaving" as a symbol of acting COLD. Because the person who is COLD acts helpless, sad, hard to talk to, and not interested in working things out, he/she freezes and is unable to talk confidently in order to solve the problem. One way to remember what a COLD response looks like, is to remember the image of "Chester sadly leaving." See page 7 for more information about the BeCool Teaching Icons.
COLD Review
Tommy's COLD reaction made it seem like he gives up easily. Tommy showed his frustration and Chaye didn't understand his reaction. Let's see what happens when Tommy uses a HOT reaction.
鈻讹笍 Resume playing the video. The HOT Response.
鈴革笍 Stop the video after the HOT Response. This is the point at which the OP person is frozen on the screen opposite the image of a "HOT" Chester, and he has finished discussing the effects of the person being HOT.
The HOT Response
What was the HOT reaction?
Tommy took his frustration out on Chaye, making fun of his lego abilities. His frustration made him blow up, break Chaye's vehicle and get into a fight.
Did it work? Why not?
No. Yelling at Chaye and breaking his vehicle may have felt good and released his angry feelings at the time, but did not solve the problem. It caused a fight and he still isn't any better at legos.
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How did Tommy feel?
Unhappy, mad, sad, guilty.
Teaching The HOT Response Icon
Discuss the use of the image of "Chester showing his claws" as a symbol of acting HOT. The person, who is HOT, is angry, hurtful, and not interested in working things out. When people are HOT, they become "hotheads" and easily blow up. One way to remember what a HOT response looks like, is to remember the image of "Chester showing his claws." When you act with anger, it doesn't solve your problem. You are so busy being mad, you can't think about how to solve the problem.
HOT Review
Instead of Tommy admitting he was frustrated and telling Chaye that his comments were hurting his feelings, Tommy said mean things and ruined Chaye's lego car. Now Chaye is angry and they're both fighting.
鈻讹笍 Resume playing the video. The COOL Response. Play video to end.
The COOL Response
BeCool means: Looking COOL, Thinking COOL, and Acting COOL. Being cool worked well for Tommy because he was able to express his anger and frustration and get better at lego-building.
What was the first thing Tommy did?
Tommy LOOKS COOL
- Tommy took some deep breaths and calmed down. Now that he was able to stop and think about what to do next.
Discuss the use of the "Chester with sunglasses," and the "3-note whistle" as symbols your students can use to remind themselves to act COOL. The person who is COOL. is calm, relaxed, stop to think, acts positive, and is interested in working things out. The COOL response brings calmness to potentially difficult situations. As "cool sunglasses" and a "melodic cool whistle" are associated with being in control, so the COOL response has the effect of improving peer relations and decreasing student conflicts. One way to remember what a COOL response is like is to remember how putting on imaginary sunglasses can remind us of the "BeCool state of mind."
Tommy THINKS COOL
- Before doing anything, Tommy stopped and thought about the different ways he could behave and if they would solve his problem.
Discuss how Tommy models the importance of taking the time to think about the outcome of being COLD and HOT before deciding to be COOL. Remind the students that taking the time to think about their choices before acting helps to build confidence and develop a sense of control over their lives.
- Next, Tommy uses positive self-talk and decides to BeCool.
"Okay, Tommy, BeCool. Okay, I'm having trouble building my car. I'd let Chaye help me if he'd only stop showing off. I can just give up and go home, and not tell Chaye how I'm feeling. I could yell at Chaye for showing off. No, I'm not going to be cold... I'm not going to be hot...I'm going to BeCool. I'll let Chaye know how I'm feeling."
Tommy ACTS COOL: Use the 4-Step Plan
- Tommy used his "important voice" (a serious, but not angry voice) when talking to Chaye.
- Tommy used the 4-Step Plan to solve his problem.
Step 1: Tell what behavior you don't like.
Tommy told Chaye he knew he was having trouble building his car, but didn't like Chaye showing off and acting like he was better than him.
Step 2: Tell how the behavior makes you feel.
Tommy told Chaye it made him feel bad that Chaye thought he couldn't do it.
Step 3: Tell what behavior you want.
Tommy told Chaye he wanted his help but didn't want him to do everything.
Step 4: Tell what will happen if you can't work things out.
Tommy told Chaye he wouldn't want to play legos with him if he didn't stop showing off.
Did it work? Why?
Yes. Tommy stayed COOL and used his "important voice" to handle his anger and frustration. By telling Chaye what he didn't like, how it made him feel, and what he wanted, without whining or getting upset, Chaye now knew he was hurting Tommy's feelings. Therefore, he stopped bragging, he offered help and Tommy was able to learn something new.
How did Tommy feel?
He felt good about himself because he acted in a calm and confident manner and solved his problem. His friendship with Chaye also improved.
What if Chaye didn't care about Tommy's feelings and continued to brag?
Tommy would then probably want to stop playing with Chaye. Generally, when you tell a friend how you feel and what you want using the 4-Step Plan, they will want to stop the behavior that is causing the problem.
Summary: Use of 4-Step Plan to Handle Frustration
When we are feeling frustrated over something someone says or does, the best thing to do is to talk with that person and tell them how you feel. By using the 4-Step Plan, Tommy learned how to express his own feelings of frustration and self-anger and then was able to learn how to build a better lego car!