Lesson 3: Guided Discussion

We're going to see the video again. This time we'll stop the video for discussion after we see Morganne being COLD, HOT and COOL.

▶️ Start Video. Anger/Other, Part 3 - "Explain Your Side/Take a Break"

⏸️ Stop the video after the COLD Response. This is the point at which the person is frozen on the screen opposite the image of a "COLD" Chester, and he has finished discussing the effects of the person being COLD.

The COLD Response

What was the COLD reaction?

Morganne became helpless and gave up. She didn't stand up for herself. She gave in to Dominic's anger. Even when the other players asked if she cheated, by not looking at them, her "no" response didn't look like she was telling the truth.

What does it mean to "act helpless? How does Morganne make herself act helpless?

Someone who acts like they're weak and easily hurt sometimes encourages other people to pick on them. When Morganne acted helpless and whiny, she let Dominic "win" the argument and the game.

Did it work? Why not?

No. The COLD reaction convinced Dominic that she did cheat and left her other friends wondering why she gave in.

How did Morganne feel?

Hurt and helpless.

What do you think of Dominic's anger? Was it fair?

No. His anger was unfair, not true and hurtful. He said mean things to her in order to win a game of cards.

COLD Review

Morganne gave in to his anger even though it was not true and unfair. She didn't try to "Explain Her Side." The cold reaction didn't stop the unfair anger and now it looks like Morganne has withdrawn from her friends.

▶️ Resume playing the video. The HOT Response.

⏸️ Stop the video after the HOT Response. This is the point at which the person is frozen on the screen opposite the image of a "HOT" Chester, and he has finished discussing the effects of the person being HOT.

The HOT Response

What was the HOT reaction?

Morganne blew up, made threats and started a fight with Dominic.

Did it work? Why not?

No. Morganne just ended up getting into a fight and may find herself getting hurt.

How did Morganne feel?

Angry. She may feel good about stopping Dominic, but these good feelings will only last for a little while. Solving a problem by fighting doesn't work...now she might get hurt.

HOT Review

It's okay to be angry but not to lose control. Morganne's HOT response caused a fight. Also, there's no way that Morganne will get a chance to "Explain Her Side" since Dominic will probably not listen to her. She needs to tell him how she feels, but do it without blowing up.

▶️ Resume playing the video. The COOL Response. Play video to end.

The COOL Response

BeCool means: Looking COOL, Thinking COOL, and Acting COOL. Being cool worked for Morganne and helped her feel good about solving the problem without a fight.

What was the first thing Morganne did?

Morganne LOOKS COOL

• She takes a moment to calm down. She takes deep breaths and relaxes her body. Now she can think about what to do next.

Morganne THINKS COOL

• Before doing anything, Morganne stopped and thought about the different ways she could behave and if they would solve her problem.

Discuss how Morganne modeled the importance of taking the time to think about the outcome of being COLD and HOT before deciding to act COOL. Remind students that taking the time to think about their choices before acting helps to build confidence and develop a sense of control over their lives.

• Next, she uses positive self-talk and decides to BeCool. "Okay, Morganne, BeCool. I know Dominic hates to lose. That's why he's angry and that's why he's calling me a cheater. But I didn't cheat. I can give in and not play with him, but that wouldn't feel good. I would still be angry because he was being so unfair. Or I could explode and tell him to shut up. No, I'm not going to be cold, I'm not going to be hot. I'm going to BeCool. I'll explain my side and then see if we could do something else. This will give Dominic time to cool down."

Morganne ACTS COOL

• Morganne used her "important voice." It's calm and serious, but not angry.
• She "Explained Her Side"... with "War," you can't cheat since you don't know what card is coming next. Also, she asked if she ever cheated before. Even though Dominic did not give in easily, she stayed COOL and continued to say she didn't cheat.

Did it work? Why?

Yes. Morganne calmly "explained her side" She told the truth in a confident way so everyone believed her. Dominic had no choice but to stop.

How did Morganne feel?

She felt good that she was able to solve the problem.

What do you think the chances are that Dominic will criticize her unfairly again?

If Morganne continues to "explain her side," Dominic will probably leave her alone.

Morganne suggested they do something else. Why was that good?

By "taking a break" and doing something else, it would give Dominic time to cool down. Morganne was especially COOL when she accepted his apology and invited him to come with them.

Alternative Ending Discussion

In the Alternative Ending, what should Morganne do when Dominic doesn't want to listen to her "explain her side"?

First, she needs to continue to BeCool. Then, when someone won't listen to you after you've tried to talk to them, there's not much you can do at that time. Morganne can try to talk to him later when he's calmed down. She might also ask the other two friends to talk to Dominic for her.

Summary

If someone's anger is unfair, stay in control and "Explain Your Side." Also, it's a good idea to "take a break" from what you're doing so everyone can cool down. Problems can be easier to solve if you just BeCool. Remind the students that even if it doesn't work out the way they want, they should feel good about staying COOL and "explaining your side/take a break."

What If Nothing Works?

Don't Take It Personally!

We've learned a few ways for responding to anger. You feel good about yourself because you've tried to solve the problem. However, with some people, no matter what you do, nothing will work. There will be people who don't care about you and will continue to show anger because of their own problems. In these situations, we suggest:

1. STAY AWAY: Stay away from the person or situation, if possible.
2. REMEMBER, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT: People who continue to show anger after you have tried the BeCool responses have other problems that have nothing to do with you. They act the same way with most people they meet. Get away from them if you can and remember, it is not your fault.
3. GET HELP: Go to a friendly adult for help if the anger doesn't stop.