Anger Defined
Angry behavior refers to a wide range of actions associated with the expression of displeasure, disagreement, or dislike in relation to other people, objects, or situations. This module focuses on coping with anger coming from another person. Module 5 addresses how to cope with anger coming from oneself.
Interpersonal anger usually takes the form of negative statements directed at another person, delivered in a stem tone of voice, at moderate or loud voice volume, with dominant body posture and serious facial expression. Angry behavior varies in intensity from mild (confronting firmly) to severe (yelling) to dangerous (breaking objects, hitting).
Why People Become Angry
People engage in angry behavior for several reasons. People may act angry to get others to do what they angry person wants. People may act angry without a conscious reason or purpose, as a reflexive reaction to fear, loss, frustration or pain. Anger may also be directed at one person when the angry person is actually angry about something else. This is referred to as "misdirected" anger and may be performed to get sympathy or support from others.
Fair vs. Unfair Anger
Anger is considered fair if it is based on (1) an accurate assessment of the behavior of the person to whom it is expressed, (2) the actions of the person to whom it is directed, (3) violation of a commonly accepted expectation and (4) if the intensity of the angry response matches the severity of the consequences suffered by the offended person. For example, it is fair that a person would firmly explain to a friend who arrived for a lunch date an hour late that having to wait was unpleasant and a major inconvenience and that next time he will wait no more than 10 minutes before leaving.
Anger is unfair if it is based on:
- an inaccurate assessment of a person's behavior;
- something other than the actions of the person to whom it is directed;
- violation of unrealistic expectations; or
- if the intensity of the angry response exceeds the severity of the consequences suffered by the offended person.
For example, it would be unfair for a person who had waited for a friend for five minutes to say that he had waited for 20 minutes or to be angry at one friend because he had waited for an hour for another friend. Further, it would be unfair for a person who had waited for a friend for five minutes to explain that waiting was unpleasant and a major inconvenience, or to terminate a friendship because a friend was an hour late on one occasion.
Elementary children can acquire the cognitive skills necessary to distinguish if anger is fair or unfair. This ability to discern may be difficult for the youngest students or those facing cognitive challenges.
Dangerous Anger
Angry behavior becomes dangerous when it can result in physical injury to others. Throwing and hitting are the most common forms of dangerous angry behavior. Holding potentially dangerous objects when engaging in angry talk; statements of intent to injure self or others; and the presence of alcohol or drugs are all cues that the anger could turn dangerous.