Anger Reaction Summary

COLD Appearance:

1. Head down. No eye contact.
2. Body bent over.
3. Sad facial expression.
4. Timid body movements.

COLD Thoughts or Self-Talk:

1. "I deserve to be treated this way."
2. "There's nothing I can do about "
3. "If speak up, they'll be more angry."

COLD Behavior:

1. Do or say nothing
2. Mutter or speak with low voice volume.
3. Cry.
4. Meek, "I did something wrong," victim voice.
5. Avoid the angry person.

HOT Appearance:

1. Head up.
2. Glaring stare, too much eye contact
3. Tense posture, clenched fists
4. Angry facial expression.

HOT Thoughts or Self-Talk:

1. "If I don't fight back they'll tease more."
2. "Others will think I'm a sissy if I don't fight back."
3. "I'm not good if I don't fight back."
4. "They're trying to hurt my feelings"
5. "Go ahead, make my day. I get even."

HOT Behavior:

1. Arguing or denying. Not listening
2. Speaking with elevated voice volume (yelling).
3. Speaking with a hostile voice tone.
4. Making derogatory statements or swearing.
5. Hitting, throwing, and breaking things.

COOL Appearance:

1. Talking time to gain composure. Pause, turn, look and/or step away.
2. Taking deep breaths, settling behaviors (stretching, etc.).
3. Nonaggressive attentive expression.
4. Calm voice, good eye contact when speaking

COOL Thoughts or Self-Talk:

1. "I'm going to stay calm and listen.”
2. “I'm a good person even though they're angry at me."
3. Ask yourself: "Is the anger fair?" "Is it accurate?" "Is it dangerous?"