Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why being accepting can help deepen a friendship
- Understand that they can choose whether to focus on what they like about friends or what they don’t like
- Identify the negative consequences of being too critical
- Identify personal benefits of being too critical
- Identify behaviors that accompany being too critical
- Identify behaviors that accompany being accepting
- Model successfully being accepting
- Develop strategies for being more accepting of friends
- Understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism
- Model successfully giving constructive criticism
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why it’s important to be truthful if you want to deepen a friendship. We learned that if you lie to a friend, you probably won’t deepen your friendship; in fact, you may even lose the friend. There are other ways not to deepen a friendship. One way is by being too critical.
- Ask students to discuss instances when a friend was too critical of them. How did that make them feel? Did it make them want to become better friends with the person?
- Tell students that in today’s video, we’re going to see why being too critical is a good way not to deepen a friendship.
▶️ Show the video.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did Johnny do that was NotSmart?
He was too critical of Jeff. He made fun of his clothes and glasses. He said Jeff looked ridiculous and like a goofy idiot; he was embarrassed to be seen with him. He didn’t stop even when Jeff told him he didn’t like being criticized by Johnny all the time.
- Mocking laughter
- Sarcastic tone of voice
- Shaking head in disgust
- Scornful facial expression
What happened because Johnny was NotSmart?
Jeff told him he didn’t want to be his friend anymore. He got on a bus, leaving Johnny alone at the bus stop. Johnny not only ruined his and Jeff’s plans for the day; he may have lost Jeff as a friend for good.
How could Johnny have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how Johnny could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Johnny could have been PeopleSmart.
▶️ Start the video again.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How was Johnny PeopleSmart this time?
Johnny was tempted to begin criticizing Jeff; he was clearly a bit shocked by Jeff’s attire. Jeff even asked him what was wrong. But Johnny held his tongue and told Jeff he looked fine.
- Smiling
- Friendly facial expression
- Arm around Jeff’s shoulder
- Direct eye contact
- Sincere tone of voice
What happened because Johnny was PeopleSmart?
He kept the conversation focused on something positive and their plans for the day instead of on something negative. Now he and Jeff can enjoy the movie together and go on to become better friends.
What can we learn from this?
- Sure, Jeff’s taste in clothes may be different than Johnny’s. But that’s just part of being the unique individual that he is. And a big part of being someone's friend is accepting them as they are instead of constantly criticizing them or trying to change them.
- There’s nothing wrong with a little constructive criticism now and then. If you really care about a friend’s well-being, it’s OK to give them friendly feedback in a caring, supportive way. This kind of feedback can help a friend become the best person they can be. Just make sure your criticism is constructive, not destructive.
- Constructive criticism helps people improve and feel better about themselves; it focuses on what they do, not who they are.
- Destructive criticism such as Johnny demonstrated only tears people down and makes them feel bad about themselves; it attacks who they are.
- Nobody’s perfect; you can always find flaws or things that irritate you in anyone, even a good friend. But it’s your choice where you put your attention - on the little things you don t like or on all the good things you like about your friend. Put your attention on the good things, accept the person – “warts and all” - and you’ll deepen your friendship.
Step 4: Activities
Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany:
- being too critical, and
- being accepting.
Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.
Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when a friend was too critical with them. Have students roleplay these situations. Have students repeat the role plays, this time being accepting.
Have students:
- Pair off and take a minute to write down one thing they like or accept about their partner and one thing they can criticize (something relatively non-threatening such as the color of his shirt or the style of her shoes).
- Take turns criticizing each other, then praising or accepting each other.
- Discuss how they had the choice of whether to focus on what they liked about their partner or what they didn’t like.
Have students take turns on the Hot Seat in front of the class.
- Instruct the other students to give this person constructive criticism.
- Tell the person on the Hot Seat to call time anytime the criticism begins feeling hurtful or destructive. Use these examples to help students understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
- Then have the other students tell the “Hot Seat” person things they like and accept about him/her.
Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled Don’t Bring Me Down. Award prizes for each song’s performance.
Have students:
- Keep a journal of instances in which they are either too critical or accepting of their friends.
- Report their experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for being more accepting of their friends.
Have students discuss TV or movie scenes where a character was too critical of someone. Have students roleplay these situations, then repeat the roleplays with acceptable behavior.
Have students cut out pictures of people who look either critical or accepting. Have students create separate collages of these pictures.
Have students identify the negative consequences of being too critical and the personal benefits of being accepting. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.