Psychological Corollary

A person who wants to improve a relationship should concentrate on behaviors he or she can control or change.

Lesson Objective

Students will identify behaviors people can control and change in order to improve relationships. For example, to make friends, people can show interest in others and mind their own business.

Social Behaviors

This lesson shows students that successful people:

• maintain eye contact
• are attentive
• don’t complain often
• are cheerful
• are friendly
• exercise self-control

Social Vocabulary

• decided

Suggested Lesson Plans

Introduction

Ask students to decide which reasons on the above list a person can and cannot control; discuss why we could get very frustrated if we put all of our energy into something we can't control, like height or our parents' income. Ask students why our energy will be better spent trying to correct behaviors (I.e. because we can control and change how we act.)

Group Use of Student Workbook

• Have students complete the pairs of cartoons.
• Read what Fran is doing wrong.
• Then decide what Fran should do if she wants to make friends.
• Have students share their solutions. Discuss responses.

Follow - Up

• Ask students to list negative behaviors that Fran shows in the worksheet. (She ignores people, loses her temper, gossips, complains a lot, acts bored, and is lazy.)
• Have students brainstorm additional "losing" behaviors (e.g., being stubborn, acting rudely, being grouchy, talking too loudly, and insulting people) and discuss alternative ways of behaving.

Behavior Development Activity

To encourage students to maintain eye contact:

• Ask a volunteer to sit with you in the front of the classroom and describe what he/she did last night or which sports team is his/her favorite.
• First sit back to back, thus preventing eye contact with the student.
• After a few seconds, ask the student how it felt to talk with you. Have the student identify what made him or her uncomfortable.
• Then sit face to face with the student, but again avoid eye contact. Have the student identify what caused problems.
• Ask students to explain what eye contact means.
• Explain that eye contact lets people know you're interested in what they're saying.
• Divide the class into pairs.
• Have students engage in conversations (e.g., on whether designer clothes are worth the extra money).
• Ask students first to talk back to back; after a few minutes, ask them to face each other and concentrate on maintaining eye contact.
• Have students discuss the differences between the two conversations.

Review

• Ask students to identify three behaviors that would prevent them from developing relationships and what they can do to change these behaviors (e.g., acting bored-show interest in others; losing your temper-control your anger; interrupting people - waiting your turn to talk).
• Ask students to identify two reasons why it is important to maintain eye contact when engaging in a conversation (e.g., to let other people know you are interested in what they are saying and to make the conversation comfortable).

Homework (Optional)

Have students identify problems they have (or one that a friend has) and two local sources of assistance for solving each problem.