Summary of Story #1
Sofia recounts the process by which Mark, her sweetheart, moved from Sofia’s Red Total Stranger Space through all of the circles to his current position in the Blue Big Hug Circle. Sofia explains that she got to know Mark over a long time, saw him more often, shared experiences with him, learned about his life, developed strong feelings for him, and felt safe with him too. They achieved a closer circle relationship. When Sofia acknowledged her romantic feelings for Mark, and Mark reciprocated, they became sweethearts.
Teachers Note
The story “Getting to Know You” is a lengthy one as it traces Sofia’s relationship with Mark over an extended period of time. You may want to plan more than one session to cover this material. Use your judgment when allocating the amount of time for processing changes in relationships. The degree of detail that most suits the needs of your group is best known by you. Adjust your schedule accordingly.
Not every student will have a Blue Big Hug Circle (Sweetheart) Relationship. Remind students that this is okay and suggest that relationships do change and perhaps someday they will have that kind of relationship if they so desire. Although it is understood that perceptions of time vary with the individual, please emphasize that intimate relationships develop over an extended period of time.
Program Aims:
- To show how a relationship can change from stranger to sweetheart
- To increase awareness of developing a romantic relationship
Methods:
Step 1
Review the items from the Evaluation Section of “All About Me” replaying the video vignette using reminders and cues as necessary.
- Who is the most important person in your world of CIRCLES?
- What circle are you in? Does that ever change?
- Show the sign for the Purple Private Space.
- What kind of touch, talk, and trust does the most important person have for him/herself?
Step 2
Inform students that today they will see a story about how Mark became Sofia’s sweetheart. He moved from her Red Total Stranger Space through many circles over time to become her sweetheart in the Blue Big Hug Circle.
Step 3
Show the video vignette “Getting to Know You” and pause for discussion when the story concludes
Step 4
Ask students to recount from memory, or by referring to the video vignette intermittently, what the events of the story were. Use laminated figural icons to trace the development of this relationship and to show how the character progresses through the circles.
Step 5
Remind students that relationships can change and do change over time when both people want a closer relationship. This is called mutuality.
Step 6
Have the CIRCLES graph in a convenient location for Part II: Relationship Building. Using the large laminated figural icons, and with input from your students, create a story that parallels the changes in the story they have just seen.
Step 7
Tell the students that now they will learn how their own CIRCLES relationships have changed. Ask students to show how a person in the world of CIRCLES started out as a stranger and eventually became a sweetheart in the Blue Big Hug Circle (Sweetheart). Students can use the laminated icons on the CIRCLES graph or practice by using the Circles Social Skills Utility™.
Note: Some students may not have a sweetheart, but they can observe and learn from others.
Step 8
Request a student to place his/her own picture on the Purple Private Space and select an icon representative of his/her own (imaginary) sweetheart. Ask the student to tell how that individual might move through the circles to become a sweetheart. Give as many students as possible an opportunity to share their stories.
Step 9
Help students to process the level of touch, talk, and trust, telling how they change from circle to circle:
- Touch - Sofia’s touch with Mark changed over time. The closer their relationship became, the more intimate their touch became. Sofia and Mark both agreed to have intimate touch as part of their relationship.
- Talk - Sofia’s talk with Mark changed over time. The closer their relationship became, the more personal and informal their conversation became. Sofia and Mark can talk about even the most intimate and romantic subjects.
- Trust - Sofia’s trust in Mark changed over time. The closer their relationship became, the higher the level of trust.
Step 10
Affirm with your students that relationships can change. Sofia’s relationship with Mark changed over a long period of time. People usually start out as strangers. As they get to know and like each other they can move into circles that are closer to the student’s Purple Private Circle.
For Greater Depth
Elicit the following information from students, either from their memory or by replaying the video vignette:
- Sofia took a long time to move Mark from the Red Total Stranger Space relationship to a Blue Hug Sweetheart Circle relationship
- Sofia saw Mark more often as Mark moved into closer circles.
- Sofia had more in common with Mark as they shared more experiences.
- Sofia learned more about Mark and his life because she was interested in him.
- Sofia had stronger feelings for Mark until she felt she loved Mark in a romantic way.
- Sofia’s feeling of safety and security increased as she got to know Mark and spent more time with him.
Some students may need to have the above points highlighted by you after each change in the circle relationship. Other students will be able to perceive the process as a whole. Use your judgment as to the pace depending upon the depth of understanding you hope your students will achieve. Reiterate that Mark skipped the Red Stranger Circle, and why (because that circle is reserved for community helpers/health workers only and Mark never had a community helper relationship with Sofia).
Conclusion
Replay the video vignette if needed to remind students of the development of the kind of touch, talk, and trust that constitutes a Blue Big Hug Circle (Sweetheart) relationship.
For Greater Depth
Remind students that in order to have a Blue Big Hug Circle (Sweetheart) relationship, they need to:
- Know the person for a long, long time.
- See them or have seen them often.
- Share many common bonds.
- Know the person very, very well.
- Share deep and romantic emotions with that person.
- Feel very safe and secure with that person.
- Have mutuality with that person (i.e., this is something both persons want).
Support Activities
- Use discussion and roleplaying in conjunction with laminated figural icons and CIRCLES graph to explore the following aspects of dating behavior with your students:
- Why people date
- How you approach a person for a date
- Making a date by phone, message, or in person
- Where you can meet people to date
- How a date works (i.e. time, place, money, etc.)
- Romantic aspects of a date
- Ask students what qualities are important in a romantic relationship. Make a list
- Use magazine photos to select places that would be fun to go on a date.
- Expand social opportunities through dances, outings, and other recreational programs that are already in place
- View Stanfield’s DateSmart® and discuss how to date safely. Visit www.stanfield.com to learn more.
- See Part 2, Disk #4 “Cyberspace Rules” for Sweetheart considerations for online safety.