Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why being kind can help turn an acquaintance into a friend
- Understand the difference between friendly teasing and unkind teasing
- Identify negative consequences of teasing or making fun of someone in an unkind way
- Identify personal benefits of being kind
- Model successfully being kind
- Identify areas where they don t like being made fun of or teased
- Identify behaviors that accompany unkind teasing
- Identify behaviors that accompany being kind
- Identify PeopleSmart behaviors for making someone’s teasing
- Model successfully stopping someone’s teasing by using the PeopleSmart approach
- Identify PeopleSmart behaviors for responding to someone’s request to stop teasing
- Model successfully using the PeopleSmart approach for responding to someone’s request to stop teasing
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why it’s important to be receptive if you want an acquaintance to be your friend. We learned that if you always rain on someone’s parade by shooting down their ideas and plans, you probably won’t become friends with this person. There are other ways to keep an acquaintance from becoming a friend. One of these ways is by teasing or making fun of the acquaintance in an unkind way. Have students discuss the difference between friendly teasing and unkind teasing. How can they tell whether teasing is either friendly or unkind? Make the point that:
- Friendly teasing makes us feel good about ourselves and the person doing the teasing.
- Unkind teasing makes us feel bad about ourselves and the person doing the teasing.
Have students discuss instances when someone has teased or made fun of them in an unkind way. How did that make them feel? Did it make them want to be the person’s friend? Tell students that in today’s video, we’re going to see why teasing or making fun of someone in an unkind way is a good way to keep an acquaintance from becoming a friend.
▶️ Show the video.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did Wayne do that was NotSmart?
He teased Johnny unkindly. He told Johnny he looked like an elephant and made jokes at Johnny’s expense. Johnny told Wayne how this made him feel and pleaded with him to stop. But Wayne continued teasing and mocking Johnny. He was enjoying his own jokes and clowning so much that he couldn’t see or hear how much he was hurting Johnny.
- Wild, mocking eyes and facial expression
- Aggressive gestures
- Loud, abrasive tone of voice
- Harsh laughter (“laughing at” versus “laughing with”)
- Unresponsive to feedback
What happened because Wayne was NotSmart?
Johnny told him he didn’t want to be his friend or work with him anymore. Wayne finally gets it, but it may be too late. He has really frightened and hurt Johnny by being so out of control and unkind. Wayne may have damaged his working and personal relationship with Johnny permanently. It’s unlikely that Johnny will ever want to be his friend. And if Johnny tells the boss about this, Wayne may find himself out of a job.
How could Wayne have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how Wayne could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Wayne could have been PeopleSmart.
▶️ Start the video again.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How was Wayne PeopleSmart this time?
He stopped teasing and became kind right away when Johnny told him how his teasing was making Johnny feel. Wayne’s kind behaviors included:
- Serious, kind facial expression
- Leaning forward to show concern
- Soft, caring, sincere voice
- Gentle eye contact
Wayne apologized and told Johnny he was way out of line. He offered to shake hands and Johnny accepted.
What happened because Wayne was PeopleSmart?
Johnny appreciated Wayne for stopping the teasing and for showing such kindness, caring and remorse. This has been an unpleasant experience for Johnny, but he and Wayne may come out of this closer than before because of the PeopleSmart way that Wayne responded.
- Johnny now knows that Wayne didn’t mean to hurt him. Johnny also knows that he has control over Wayne’s behavior; he told Wayne to stop and he did. By having this control, Johnny can feel more comfortable continuing his relationship with Wayne.
- Wayne now knows Johnny better. He realizes that he has pushed the wrong button with his teasing, so he will be careful not to do this again. He respects Johnny for asserting himself. This respect will make him want to get to know Johnny better.
What can we learn from this?
- There’s a fine line between friendly, playful teasing and unkind teasing. It’s like the difference between laughing at someone or laughing with them. If we're the ones doing the teasing or the laughing, sometimes it’s hard for us to tell the difference. But the other person will let us know. Only by putting our attention on them will we know if we’ve crossed the line.
- Are they laughing along with us and playfully teasing us in return?
- Or are they looking hurt and unhappy or telling us to stop?
- If the latter, be PeopleSmart: STOP, LISTEN, APOLOGIZE and BE KIND.
- Part of being someone’s friend is knowing that person well enough to be aware of areas where they don't mind being teased and hot-button areas where they’re so sensitive that any kind of teasing will be unkind and hurtful. If in doubt, don’t tease; err on the side of kindness.
- One way to find out areas where it may be OK to tease someone is by listening to areas in which they tease themselves. If they can have a laugh at their own expense, it may be OK for you to tease them in a gentle and kind way.
Step 4: Activities
Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when someone teased them unkindly. Have students:
- Roleplay these situations.
- Practice PeopleSmart behaviors for making the teasing stop (as demonstrated by Johnny in the video):
- Tell the person to stop teasing.
- Tell the person how the teasing makes you feel.
- Tell the person what you’ll do if they continue teasing. Have students:
- Discuss instances when a friend or acquaintance was kind to them.
- Roleplay these situations. Have students pair off.
- Have them tell their partners an area where they don’t like being teased.
- Instruct their partners to tease them in this area.
- Have students practice PeopleSmart behaviors for making the teasing stop.
- Have partners practice STOPPING, LISTENING, APOLOGIZING, and BEING KIND in response to these PeopleSmart behaviors.
Have students create Hot Buttons and wear them to class for a week. Remind students each day that these buttons signify that all of us have hot button areas in which we’re sensitive to teasing and that everyone else should respect these hot buttons by avoiding teasing and being kind.
Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled Please Don’t Tease Me, Please Me, Please Me. Award prizes for each song’s performance.
Have students discuss TV shows or movie scenes in which someone teased someone else unkindly. Have them:
- Roleplay these situations.
- Repeat the role plays, this time replacing the unkind teasing with kind behavior.
Have students identify the negative consequences of teasing unkindly and the personal benefits of being kind. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.