Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why respecting privacy is important when meeting people
- Identify topics that would be too personal to discuss with someone they’ve just met
- Identify behaviors of being too personal
- Identify behaviors of respecting someone’s privacy
- Identify the negative consequences of being too personal
- Identify the personal benefits of respecting someone’s privacy
- Model successfully respecting privacy when meeting someone
- Model successfully telling someone that an overly personal topic is none of their business
- Identify some common ways for discovering what a person’s interests might be
- Model successfully striking up a conversation in which their attention is on another person’s interests
- Develop strategies for striking up successful conversations
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why it is important to volunteer your services if you want to meet people. We learned that if you never volunteer for anything, you’ll hurt your chances of meeting people. There are other ways to damage your chances of meeting people successfully. One of these ways is by being too personal. Ask students to discuss instances when someone turned them off by getting too personal or failing to respect their privacy in some way. How did this make them feel about the other person? Why is it important to respect people’s privacy and be sensitive about getting too personal? Tell students that in today’s video, we’re going to see why being too personal is a good way not to meet people.
▶️ Show the video.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did Geneva do that was NotSmart?
- She seemed to be friendly by joining Helen on the bench. But she immediately blew Helen away by asking too many personal questions (Are you here with your boyfriend? Who are you here with? Don’t you work?)
- When Helen repeatedly told her to back off, Geneva argued with her.
- She made matters worse in numerous ways:
- whiny and hostile tone of voice
- rapid speech pattern
- aggressive hand gestures
- rolling her eyes and flashing her eyes in an angry way
- complaining about her cramps and asking Helen for a tampon.
What happened because Geneva was NotSmart?
She made Helen really uncomfortable with all her personal questions and comments. By being so wrapped up in her curiosity and nosy questions, she couldn’t hear or see Helen’s clear verbal and nonverbal signals to back off. Talking about her period was the last straw. This grossed out Helen so much that she made up an excuse to leave. By being so absolutely clueless, Geneva has made sure that she will spend the day by herself. She has also made sure that Helen will never want to have anything to do with her.
How could Geneva have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how Geneva could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Geneva could have been PeopleSmart.
▶️ Start the video again.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How was Geneva PeopleSmart this time?
She kept the conversation from getting too personal. She stuck to topics that are shared likes and dislikes of both her and Helen (they both like the zoo, both are having a bad hair day, and they share a joke about the unpleasant smells of the animals).
By avoiding getting too personal, Geneva showed that she respected Helen’s privacy. Geneva also showed her respect by telling Helen she thinks she is smart.
What happened because Geneva was PeopleSmart?
By respecting Helen’s privacy, Geneva helped Helen relax and open up to her. As Helen opened up, Geneva discovered that she and Helen have a lot in common and share the same sense of humor. The girls are having so much fun with each other that they go off to see the tigers together. They’ll probably enjoy the zoo much more with each other than either would have by herself.
What can we learn from this?
- Being curious about other people is a natural part of wanting to meet people and get to know them. It’s fun to find out how other people are similar to us and how they’re different. But trying to get too personal too fast shows a lack of respect.
- When you first meet someone, show your respect by sticking to safe topics. By putting your attention on the other person, you’ll pick up signals that the person is uncomfortable with a topic. When this happens, show your respect by changing the subject to something less personal.
- If someone tells you you’re getting too personal, never argue. That’ll only make things worse. Simply change the subject to something less personal.
Step 4: Activities
Have students:
- Identify verbal and non-verbal behaviors of a) being too personal, and b) respecting someone s privacy.
- Roleplay these behaviors.
Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Have students:
- Make a list of too-personal topics that they would be uncomfortable discussing with someone they’ve just met.
- Create a wall chart of this list.
- Pair off and role play, with one student trying to get too personal and the other student saying that's none of your business.
- Repeat the role plays, this time with students avoiding getting too personal.
Have students discuss ways of knowing what’s a good way to get a conversation started with someone they’ve just met. Tell them that the key is to put their attention on the person to look for clues about what the person’s interests might be. Emphasize that by being clued in instead of clueless, they have a good chance of showing respect and striking up a successful conversation For instance:
- Is the person well dressed? The person will probably like talking about clothes.
- Is the person reading or carrying a book? The person may enjoy talking about books.
- Is the person exercising or working out? The person will probably enjoy talking about staying in shape.
- Is the person in a public place like a dance club or a zoo or a mall or a video store or a hiking trail or the beach that reveals his or her interests simply by being there? Talk about that.
Have students pair off and practice being clued in while striking up a conversation. For fun, you might want to have each pair take turns roleplaying in front of the class. The class can act as observers and shout “Clued in” or “Clueless” each time role players say or do something that shows that their attention is or is not on the other person. Possibly keep a running tally and award prizes to those who do the best job of showing that they’re clued in.
Have students keep a journal of their experiences striking up conversations with people. Have them report these experiences to the class. Have the class assist them in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for striking up successful conversations.
Have students identify the negative consequences of being too personal and the personal benefits of respecting someone’s privacy. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.