▶️ Start the video. Bullying, Part 3- "Peer Pressure Refusal Skills" Video
⏸️ Stop the video at the pause for discussion of the COLD response.
The COLD Response
Let's check out David and Zach's COLD reaction. How did they THINK COLD?
Passive, timid body language and facial expressions. looking overly eager to please. False joviality (David) and looking sick (Zach).
How did they THINK COLD?
They felt like weak, helpless victims who were in over their- heads with the bigger, older guys. They blamed themselves for their predicament and felt they had no choice except to go along with whatever they were asked to do. They took the bullying personally, feeling that they deserved to be bullied because they're younger, smaller and basically clueless compared to someone who drives such an awesome car.
How did they ACT COLD?
Subdued, Timid tone of voice. Hesitant speech pattern. Reluctantly accepting the beer and joining the toasts, then trying hard to act as if they liked it even though they obviously didn't.
Did the bullies do or say anything that caused David and Zach’s COLD reaction?
They were much bigger, and they dared David and Zach by calling them babies. So David and Zach may have seen drinking the beer as a test of their manhood. They had some justification for feeling weak and intimidated and with little choice except to comply with what the bullies asked. But even though their COLD reaction may have been somewhat justified and given them some immediate relief, it got them in some serious trouble.
Did David and Zach lose control of their feelings? How did their lack of control work against them?
David and Zach lost control of their feelings by letting peer pressure overcome their good judgment. Their desire to prove that they "belonged" rendered them unable to say no. They were afraid not only of the bullies but of looking like babies if they refused the beer. They lost control of their feelings by scuffing them and trying to ignore them, even though they knew what they were doing was wrong. By losing control of their feelings, they soon go dunk and lost control of the situation. They had no power to guide the situation to a productive outcome.
Did David and Zach’s COLD reaction work? Why not?
David and Zach looked, thought and acted like weak, passive, timid victims. Because the COLD reaction made them look helpless, the bullies were confident that they could make David and Zach give in. Looking afraid only encouraged the bullies to escalate their intimidation and to show off in more exhume ways by driving erratically and unlawfully. David and Zach's obvious lack of self-respect made the bullies feet justified treating them disrespectfully. Instead of making the bullying stop, David and Zach's COLD reaction only left them feeling frightened, helpless, uncomfortable and terrified of how their parents will react when they get a call from the police.
David and Zach's COLD reaction may have actually been an attempt to manipulate the bullies. Perhaps a COLD reaction has worked for them before, so they thought it was worth trying again. For instance, David and Zach may have thought that the bullies would back off if they humored them by having a beer or two. Or, they may have thought the bullies would respect them if they proved they could handle their beer. But showing that you're weak and acting like a victim only encourages bullies to attack more aggressively. Remind students that a bully needs a victim to bully. If you don't look and act like a victim, the bully will probably look for one somewhere else.
COLD Review
Not standing up for yourself won't make a bully back down. Because David and Zach allowed themselves to be talked into drinking, they're now in more serious trouble. Let's see what occurs with a HOT reaction.
▶️ Resume playing the video through to the HOT Response.
⏸️ Stop the video at the pause for discussion of the HOT Response.
The HOT Response
Let's check out David and Zach's HOT reaction How did they LOOK HOT?
Confident facial expressions, expressive gestures, tense posture grinning mockingly.
How did they THINK HOT?
They blamed the bullies for the situation. They took their bullying personally by seeing it as a personal threat to their manhood and a test of their ability to take a stand.
How did they ACT HOT?
They raised the volume and the pitch of their voices. Angry tone of voice. David violently pushed the offered beer away, causing it to be spilled.
Did the bullies do or say anything that caused David and Zach’s HOT reaction?
Tyler provoked David by thrusting the beer right in his face and pointing his finger at him menacingly. So, David had some justification for feeling personally attacked and reacting so strongly. But even though his overreaction may have been somewhat justified and given him some immediate satisfaction, it worked against him and Zach by provoking the bullies into punishing the boys.
Were David and Zach in control of their feelings? if not, how did their lack of control work against them?
David lost control of his feelings by impulsively reacting in a violent way. He let his fear and possibly his need to appear macho cloud his judgment. By losing control of his feelings, he lost control of the situation, he and Zach had no power to guide it to a productive Outcome. All they cared about was sending the bullies a message in the strongest terms possible that they were not to be messed with. As a result, they let the situation explode without considering the consequences.
Did David and Zach’s HOT reaction work? Why not?
In one sense it worked, in that it ended the pressure to drink. But by losing control, they provoked the bullies into punishing them. Now they're stranded. By blowing up, David and Zach turned a situation they could handle into one where they could be in real danger. And if the bullies were carrying a knife, gun or some other weapon, David and Zach's HOT reaction may have put them in a life-threatening situation.
Perhaps a HOT reaction has worked for them before, so they thought it was worth trying again. For instance, David and Zach may have thought that acting tough would intimidate the bullies, win their respect and make them back off. But once anger is unleashed, it is difficult to control and can create an extremely volatile and scary situation, especially when people have been drinking, just as it did for David and Zach.
HOT Review
David and Zach made the mistake of provoking the bullies. Now they're in trouble and possibly in danger. Let's see David and Zach BeCool and use "Peer Pressure Refusal Skills" without causing a fight.
▶️ Resume playing the video through the COOL. Response and to the end.
The COOL Response
Now let's check out David and Zach's Cool reaction. How did they LOOK COOL?
First, they feel themselves being pressured, so they take some deep breaths and try to calm down. Their facial expressions are calm, serious and sincere. Steady eye contact. Upright posture.
How did they THINK cool?
Instead of fixing blame, either on themselves or on the bullies, they focus on fixing the problem. They use positive self-talk and resolve io BeCool while they figure out what to do. They calmly and objectively think through the consequences of reacting in a COLD or HOT way. They realize that these courses of action will not solve the problem They conclude also that giving in to the pressure could get them into some big trouble. By seeing the situation rationally David and Zach do NOT take it personally. They decide that their best approach is to BeCool by saying no in a way that won't put the bullies down or cause them to lose respect. As before, emphasize to students that the BeCool approach is all about being aware of our choices-not only how we look and act, but how we think.
Make sure students understand that how we think is a choice we make and that this choice directly influences how we look and act, how we interact with others, and how others interact with us. To get the outcomes we want with others, especially with difficult people, it’s vital that we think cool to make sure that our appearance and actions are cool as well. Remind students that taking time to think through the consequences of their behavior before taking action will empower them to have control of their emotions and their lives.
How did they ACT COOL?
They use "Peer Pressure Refusal Skills."
- They say "no" repeatedly in firm, clear, calm, sincere, matter-of-fact voices.
- They shake their heads emphatically and use their hands to reinforce their refusal.
- They give a variety of sound, sincere reasons for their refusal of the offered beers. And they keep "saying no" until the bullies finally know they mean it (they sound like "broken records.")
- Most importantly, they cite reasons that don't make the bullies angry or put them on the defensive.
- In a firm way, they told them they didn't want to be in the car With beer, so they leave. Zach even offers to tell his sister "hi" from them.
Did David and Zach maintain control of their feelings? How did their control work in their favor?
By keeping their minds clear, David and Zach maintain control of their feelings. By staying in control of their feelings, they stay in control of the situation. They realize that they don’t have to prove their manhood, either by drinking or by refusing the beer in a macho way. They decide that they can handle the situation without losing their self-respect or challenging the self-respect of the bullies. By avoiding taking the bullying personally and reacting emotionally to it, David and Zach have the power to guide the situation to a productive outcome.
Did David and Zach's COOL reaction work? Why? By calmly thinking through their options, David and Zach know they've selected the best course of action. This all-important confidence boosts their chances of pulling off a successful resolution. By staying COOL, David and Zach successfully resist the pressure and ultimately make the bullies respect their wishes; they remove themselves from a dangerous situation True, they’re not home yet. But they are a lot more in control now, and they haven't made enemies of two dangerous guys. David and Zach feel good about themselves because of the mature, responsible, dignified way they handled a potentially volatile situation.
What should David and Zach do if the C0OL reaction didn't work?
Give students an opportunity to discuss whether they think David and Zach's cool reaction resolved the situation in a way that was unrealistic, too pat or too simplistic. Have them discuss instances when they've handled peer pressure in a cool way, but even the right reaction didn't work. Identify some of the options that David and Zach would have if the bullies started getting physical
- In this case, they should leave at the earliest opportunity.
- Make the point that if the bullies refuse to let them leave, there is no simple answer. But the important thing is to remain in COOL in order to think clearly and come up with a solution.
- As with any bullying, if it keeps recurring in the future, they should talk to their parents and consider contacting the police.
Tell students that some bullies' behavior will not be defused by BeCool techniques or any other response. These people have personal problems and act the same way with most people. They should be avoided if possible. Students should realize that the bullying of these people should not be taken personally. Again, if their bullying becomes a serious ongoing problem, students should go to an authority figure for help.
As in previous lessons, bring out the point that the Cool reaction may not always work. But invariably it has a better chance of working than a COLD or a HOT reaction does Emphasize also that none of us needs to put up with persistent or abusive behavior or an abusive relationship, with a classmate, an authority figure, a parent, or anyone in the community. We all have choices and resources available to help us in dealing with situations that are abusive or potentially abusive. finally, emphasize again that a cool reaction is always self-rewarding. regardless of how a specific situation resolves itself. That is, it's always saüstying to maintain control of your feelings, to assert yourself calmly and reasonably instead of caving in or blowing up or allowing yourself to be victimized When we look, think and act in a way that maintains our dignity and self-respect, no one can take this reward of enhanced self- esteem away from us.
Summary - "Peer Pressure Refusal Skills"
Because David and Zach looked COOL, thought Cool, and acted Cool by using various Peer Pressure Refusal Skills," They stopped the pressuring by simply saying "no" and sticking to it.