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Bullying: Reaction Summary

Looking COLD

Victim-like demeanor

  1. Head down, no eye contact with bully
  2. Body bent over.
  3. Sad or blank facial expression.
  4. Timid body movements.

Thinking COLD

“Self-blaming perceiving style”

  1. "It's my fault
  2. “I deserve to be treated this way”
  3. “There's nothing I can do about it."
  4. “If I don’t do what they say, I’ll get hurt"

Acting COLD

Behavior that gives up, runs away, withdrawn, becomes depressed.

  1. Do what the bully says.
  2. Muter or speak with low voice volume
  3. Cry
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Looking HOT

Threatening Demeanor:

  1. Head up.
  2. Glaring stare, too much eye contact
  3. Tense posture, clenched fists, tight muscles
  4. Angry, challenging facial expressions.

Thinking HOT

“Other-blaming Perceiving Style”

  1. “It's all their fault"
  2. “If I’m calm, they won’t listen to me."
  3. “If I don’t get mad and fight back, they’ll get what they want"
  4. "Others will think I'm a sissy if I don’t fight back”

Acting HOT

Behavior that attacks, belittles, subjects, controls and defeats:

  1. Speaking with elevated voice volume, yelling
  2. Speaking with hostile voice lone
  3. Making derogatory or threatening statements
  4. Hitting or fighting
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Acting COOL

Nonthreatening Demeanor:

  1. Gain composure. Pause, turn, look away
  2. Take deep breaths, do sealing behaviors.
  3. Nonaggressive, confident expression. Stand or sit up straight.
  4. No eye contact unless necessary to talk.
  5. Calm voice, good eye contact when speaking
  6. Walk or move confidently, purposefully.

Thinking COOL

“Non-blaming Perceiving Style”

  1. “How can I solve the problem?"
  2. “I’m going to stay calm and ignore them"
  3. “This bully is just trying to feel big"
  4. “Is this bully dangerous? If not, I’ll stand my ground or ask him/her to stop.”
  5. “If he, she’s dangerous, I’ll leave and get help"

Acting COOL

Behavior that asserts rights with respect and fairness.

If Bully is not Dangerous

  • Calm down. Look Cool, Think Cool.
  • Act Cool by “Ignore the bully” or “Talk the Talk/Walk the Walk by using the 4-Step Assertion Plan” or “Use Peer Pressure Refusal Skills”

If Bully is Dangerous

  • Leave and Get Help, if necessary
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