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Teasing: The COLD Response

The COLD (Passive) Response to Teasing

Passive or "COLD" responses to teasing usually involve closed body language, derogatory self-statements, and inactivity. Instead of meeting the problem directly, the passive response is characterized by timid withdrawal, silent suffering, and loss of self-respect. COLD responses include:

Looking COLD

"Victim-like" demeanor involves:

  1. Head down.
  2. No eye contact with teaser.
  3. Body bent over.
  4. Sad facial expression.

Thinking COLD:

"Self-blaming Perceiving Style" with statements like:

  1. "It's my fault. I can't do anything right, I'm not a good person"
  2. "There's nothing I can do about it."
  3. "The teaser is right."
  4. "They're jerks" (said to self).
(See “
(See “Appendix” for full page version of icons for use in the classroom.)

Acting COLD:

Behavior that exhibits giving up, running away, withdrawing, or becoming depressed such as:

  1. Do or say nothing.
  2. Mutter or speak with low voice volume.
  3. Meek, "I did something wrong."
  4. Withdrawal from and avoidance of teaser.

Drawbacks of the COLD (Passive) Response

Drawbacks of passive responses to teasing include more teasing, lowered self-esteem, inconvenience associated with avoidance of the teaser, and feelings of anger, powerlessness, or sadness. Some short-term relief may be felt by escaping the immediate conflict. This benefit is illusory and actually works against reaching the long-term goal (confronting the situation for a solution).