Instead of Inflating the Problem and Catastrophizing, Use The BeCool Problem Scale
📘 Student 1 reads:
"Nobody likes me. Most of the kids at school don't even know I exist.
💬Discussion
What words did Charlie use in his self-talk that showed he was catastrophizing, or making the problem bigger?
When words like "nobody," "everybody," "everything" and "nothing" are used in self-talk, the problem is exaggerated, and catastrophizing is occurring. The idea that nobody in the entire school likes Charlie is silly.
Could it be true that if we were to ask everybody at school, "Do you like Charlie?" they would all say no? Seems remote. Charlie's thinking is irrational or foolish.
📘 Student 2 reads:
"Wrong! I'm not stupid. forget about it! This problem is not that bad!
On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being flunking out of school, saying no to these guys is a 2 or a 3. It's not a catastrophe. I can handle it!"
💬 Discussion
How did using The Becool Problem Scale help Charlie realize he could handle the problem? It reminded him that compared to other problems he could be having at that moment, being able to resist the bullies and maintain his self-respect was something he COULD handle.
Instead of Letting Others Control You, Cut the Strings and Control Yourself
📘 Student 1 reads:
"They're right. I have no choice. This is the only way to get these guys off of my back, and it's only just this once."
💬 Discussion
What words did Charlie use in his self-talk that gave the bullies the power to control his feelings and actions?
"I have no choice." But Charlie does have a choice; unfortunately, his negative self-talk is giving it away to the bullies. Charlie's self-talk led him to the conclusion that the only way he could get respect was to do what others wanted, instead of what he wanted.
📘 Student 2 reads:
"I'm in control of what I do. Not everybody has to respect me, but I do have to respect myself. These guys aren't worth cheating for. I'm not going to let them con me.
💬 Discussion
Discuss the use of "I" instead of "they" as it relates to assuming responsibility for one's feelings and behavior.
Instead of Focusing on Blaming and Getting Even, Focus on Fixing the Problem
📘 Student 1 reads:
"It's my fault. If I wasn't such a nerd, so socially stupid, I wouldn't be disrespected. But if I hung out with these guys, it would be different."
💬 Discussion
What self-talk did Charlie use that made him think it was better to blame and hurt than change things for the better?
Whenever your self-talk is only about blaming yourself for a problem, you are part of the problem and risk making the problem bigger.
Instead of taking steps to stop the bullies' harassment or finding new friends
Charlie blamed himself. Charlie's negative self-talk was his enemy, not the bullies. It took the side of the bullies over what he knew was the right thing to do.
📘 Student 2 reads:
"I'm not going to turn a problem I can handle into one I can't. Instead of caving in, I'm going to fix the problem.
💬 Discussion
Why is fixing the problem better than fixing the blame?
Fixing the problem is better than fixing the blame for two reasons:
- blaming and punishing someone for a problem doesn't mean the problem is going to get fixed, and
- blaming and getting back can make the problem worse.
- Pass out Worksheet #7, where students are asked to match kinds of self-talk with representative icons.
- Pass out Worksheet #8, where students are asked to match examples of self-talk with representative icons.
- Divide students into groups of 3 or 4. Pass out Worksheet #22 and ask the groups to rank the problems according to magnitude. Discuss results and how not all problems will be ranked the same way by all individuals.
- Ask students to make their own personal BeCool Problem Scale by filling in the blanks on Worksheet #25. Also, see Teacher Note below.
- As a specific way to put the problem into perspective, as in, "On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being told I have skin cancer, this pimple is a 1 or a 2." The individual tries to actually place how much less the problem is than a 10. This approach, since it requires more reflection, tends to be a more powerful approach to getting perspective and staying in control.
- As a general reminder to put things into perspective, as in, "On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being told I have skin cancer, this pimple is not that big a deal." There is no reference to where a pimple might specifically be on the 10-point scale. Knowing that the current problem (the pimple) is nowhere near a "10" is often all that is necessary to calm down and avoid losing it.
Discuss the alternative use of this approach as an on-the-spot way of gaining quick perspective.
To illustrate the natural tendencies of human beings to dramatize and exaggerate their problems, ask students to make up a soap opera-type story that uses as many of the following catastrophizing words and phrases as possible. (This is a fun exercise and encourages humor because we are really laughing at ourselves.)
This is a catastrophe!
This is torture!
This is agony!
I am miserable!
Good grief!
What a pain!
You're tormenting me!
You're making me suffer!
That is disgusting!
How repulsive!
I can’t stand it!
I won't tolerate it!
I can't take it!
I'm not going to put up with this!
So bad
Distressing
Terrible
Horrible
Dreadial
Hideous
Appalling
Outrageous
Bad
Shocking
Ghastly
So wrong
Immoral
Unjustifiable
Criminal
Evil
Hopeless
Wicked
Sinister
Corrupt
Menacing
Disaster
Tragic
Disastrous
Grim
The worst
Frightful