What Happened?
Jennifer takes a deep breath and asks Trish pleasantly if she can talk with her a while - so far, so good. Trish responds confrontationally and begins using emotional blackmail, e.g. "I can't trust you anymore." "It seems like all you do is think of yourself."
Jennifer's demeanor changes. In a pleading, whining tone of voice, she begins to beg Trish to give her another chance. She resorts to lies, stating she was trying to break up Trish and Abdul! Jennifer's desire to reestablish their relationship is so intense, she is willing to make any concession. That's characteristic of a "COLD" Negotiator—one who is more interested in the relationship than what is fair.
Jennifer's submissive "COLD" style encourages Trish to ask even more. Jennifer agrees to let Trish borrow a new top she hasn't even had a chance to wear. Jennifer does not have the skills to present her perspective to Trish. She not only loses respect for herself, but it is certain that Trish will continue to control this relationship.
The following questions are designed to DEFINE the COLD Negotiation Style.
What do you think of the way Jennifer approached Trish?
(She started out okay, but when Trish began to attack her and tell her she was no longer her friend, she gave in to Trish's demands.)
Why did Jennifer submit to Trish's demands?
(She was fearful of losing her friend.)
How did Jennifer LOOK COLD?
- Poor eye contact
- Painful and disbelieving facial expression
- Breathy, timid voice
- Pleading tone of speech
- Nervous body movements
- "I’ve just got to find a way to make up with Trish. After all, we are best friends."
- Trish doesn't have a reason to be angry. I really didn't try to break up her relationship with Abdul, but if admitting that I did will help get us together, I'll do it."
- "I can't stand it when Trish gets so upset and says she doesn't like me anymore!"
- "I give up. I'll promise her anything to stop this fight and keep the friendship."
How did Jennifer ACT COLD?
In this case. Jennifer:
- Submitted to Trish's demands. (Do what I say!)
- Let Trish determine what was fair. (What can I do?)
- Gave in to emotional blackmail. (1 thought you wanted to be friends again.)
- Made concessions to keep a friend, (Let Trish borrow her new top.)
- Took Trish's comments personally.
- Allowed Trish to decide the perimeters of the relationship.
Did Jennifer's COLD Negotiation Style work?
As a COLD Negotiator. Jennifer gave in to all of Trish's demands for fear of losing Trish's friendship. Because the agreement was one-sided. Jennifer lost their self-respect and feels hurt. Their relationship will continue to be fragile as long as Jennifer is so willing to give in to Trish's demands.
What was Trish's Negotiation Style?
Trish could sense Jennifer's vulnerability and fear of losing her as a friend. She immediately took advantage of the situation to satisfy her personal needs of control and dominance. Her HOT Negotiation techniques worked this time, but her relationship with Jennifer is far from a "friendship.” "Friendship" is built on a foundation of mutual trust and respect, which, at this point, certainly does not describe Jennifer and Trish's relationship.
Review of the COLD Negotiation Style
Jennifer wanted to clear up the misunderstanding. She was fearful of losing her friendship with Trish. When she approached Trish to discuss the problem. Trish went on the attack. Jennifer caved in. She wanted an immediate resolution and could not handle Trish's aggressiveness. As a COLD Negotiator. Jennifer gave up and gave in to Trish's demands in order to keep the friendship. Trish won, and Jennifer lost. Their relationship also has lost much of the trust and respect upon which it was built.
▶️ Resume viewing the video through the HOT Response
⏸️ Stop the video at the "pause for discussion" section after the HOT Response