Objectives
Students will:
- Understand why keeping secrets can help deepen a friendship
- Understand that revealing a secret is a violation of trust
- Understand the key role that respect plays in a friendship
- Understand that keeping a friend s secret shows respect for that person
- Understand that friends respect friends who keep other friends’ secrets
- Identify the negative consequences of revealing a secret.
- Identify the personal benefits of keeping a secret
- Model successfully keeping a secret
Step 1: Lesson Introduction
Last time, we found out why it’s important to be loyal if you want to deepen a friendship. We learned that if you’re disloyal, you probably won’t deepen your friendship; in fact, you may even lose the friend. There are other ways not to deepen a friendship. One of these ways is by revealing secrets.
- Have students discuss how a secret is a kind of agreement or promise. Bring out the point that when a friend tells us a secret, they’re trusting us not to reveal it to anyone else. That is, we have an agreement with our friend to keep the secret to ourselves.
- Have students discuss how revealing a friend s secret is one way of being disloyal to the friend.
- Have students discuss instances when a friend revealed a secret of theirs to someone else. How did that make them feel? Did it make them want to become better friends with the person?
- Tell students that in today’s video, we’re going to see why revealing secrets is a good way not to deepen a friendship.
▶️ Show the video.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1
What did Jeff and Raj do that was NotSmart?
- Jeff revealed Justin s secret to Raj, even though Justin had told him not to tell anybody. Then when Justin confronted him, he lied by denying that he had told Raj.
- Raj was also NotSmart by letting Justin know that he knew Justin’s secret. Then when Jeff confronted Raj, Raj took no responsibility for breaking Jeff’s trust in him, just as Jeff took no responsibility for breaking Justin’s trust in him. Jeff didn’t think it was any big deal revealing Justin’s secret to Raj; in fact, he had a lot of fun doing it. Then when Jeff confronted Raj, Raj was relaxed and casual and treated Jeff’s anger like some kind of joke. He avoided eye contact. His tone of voice, words, gestures, facial expression, and body language conveyed a lack of concern and a flippant attitude.
What happened because Jeff and Raj were NotSmart?
- Justin was furious with Jeff. He told Jeff that he wasn’t Jeff’s friend anymore, then he stomped away feeling hurt and angry. Jeff has probably thrown away any chance of deepening his friendship with Justin or even being Justin’s friend. Now Justin knows that Jeff can’t be trusted and that he doesn’t care about Justin’s well-being.
- Jeff was angry with Raj and got even angrier because of Raj s casual attitude and lack of concern. Raj has probably thrown away any chance of deepening his friendship with Jeff or even being Jeff’s friend. Now Jeff knows that Raj can’t be trusted and that he doesn’t care about Jeff's well-being.
How could Jeff and Raj have been PeopleSmart?
Have students discuss how Jeff and Raj could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Jeff and Raj could have been PeopleSmart.
▶️ Start the video again.
⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.
Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2
How were Jeff and Raj PeopleSmart this time?
- Jeff refused to reveal Justin s secret to Raj, even though Raj was pressuring him very hard to let him in on it.
- Raj was NotSmart to put such pressure on Jeff to reveal Justin's secret. He was trying to make Jeff feel that he wouldn’t want to be Jeff's friend if Jeff didn’t tell. This puts Jeff in an uncomfortable spot of having to choose between his loyalty to Justin or to Raj. But give Raj credit. He backed off when Justin told him he wasn’t ready to reveal his secret to Raj. Raj accepted Justin's decision, even though this hurt him. He told Justin that he was there for him if Justin needs him.
What happened because Jeff and Raj were PeopleSmart?
- Justin feels good because his secret is still safe. More importantly, he knows Jeff can be trusted to keep his word. Now he knows that Jeff cares more about Justin’s well-being than he cares about making himself look good with Raj by revealing Justin’s secret. Justin and Jeff have taken a big step toward deepening their friendship.
- Justin tells Raj that he appreciates Raj for not pressing him to reveal his secret. Because of the respect Raj has shown Justin, Justin has gained a new respect for Raj. Now he knows that Raj cares more about Justin’s well-being than he cares about being let in on Justin s secret. Justin will probably feel comfortable trusting Raj with his secret soon. He’ll probably also want to become better friends with Raj.
What can we learn from this?
- Again, trust is one of the tightest bonds that makes people friends. Trust means keeping your word, which includes keeping secrets. When you reveal a secret, you’re failing to keep an agreement with the person who told it to you, and you’re shattering that person’s trust in you. And once you shatter someone’s trust, you may never win it back. You may have thrown away any chance of ever becoming better friends with that person or even remaining friends at all.
- It can be difficult being in Jeff’s position, knowing a friend’s secret while another friend is pressuring you to reveal it. Whatever you do, you’re going to make one friend unhappy. But think about it. If someone is really your friend, they’re going to respect you for keeping another friend s secret. After all, they’d want you to do the same if it was their secret, wouldn’t they? And if they threaten not to be your friend anymore unless you reveal the secret, they were never your friend in the first place.
- Respect is a big part of friendship. By keeping a friend’s secret, you show that you respect them. And your true friends will respect you for showing this respect for other friends or acquaintances whose secrets you’re keeping.
Step 4: Activities
Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.
Have students:
- Discuss instances when they:
- revealed a secret, or
- kept a secret.
- Discuss whether they lost or kept a friend or acquaintance because of what they did.
- Roleplay these situations. Have students form groups of three.
- Instruct one member of each group to make up a secret, whisper it to another member, then walk away.
- Instruct the person keeping the secret not to reveal it.
- Then instruct the third member to roleplay a good friend of the person holding the secret and put pressure on this person to reveal the secret.
- Give everyone a chance to play all three roles.
- Then have students share their experiences with the class.
Have students discuss TV or movie scenes where a character either kept or revealed a secret. Have students roleplay these situations.
Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled “I’ve Got a Secret”. Award prizes for each song’s performance.
Have students identify the negative consequences of revealing a secret and the personal benefits of keeping a secret. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.