Segment 8: Show Appreciation

Objectives

Students will:

1. Understand why showing appreciation can help deepen a friendship
2. Identify behaviors that accompany not showing appreciation
3. Identify behaviors that accompany showing appreciation
4. Identify the negative consequences of not showing appreciation to a friend
5. Identify the personal benefits of showing appreciation to a friend
6. Identify different ways of showing appreciation to a friend
7. Model successfully showing appreciation to a friend
8. Develop strategies for being more successful in showing appreciation to friends

Step 1: Lesson Introduction

Last time, we found out why it’s important to stand by your friend if you want to deepen a friendship. We learned that if you don’t stand by your friend, you probably won’t deepen your friendship; in fact, you may even lose the friend. There are other ways not to deepen a friendship. One way is by not showing appreciation.

• Ask students to discuss ways in which friends have shown how much they value and appreciate their friendship. How did that make them feel? Did it make them want to become better friends with the person?
• Ask students to discuss ways in which they have shown friends how much they value and appreciate their friendship. How did that make their friends feel?
• Tell students that in today’s video, we’re going to see why not showing appreciation is a good way not to deepen a friendship.

▶️ Show the video.

⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.

Step 2: Guided Discussion, Part 1

What did Helen do that was NotSmart?

She and her roommate didn’t show Leah any appreciation. Leah dropped a series of obvious hints that today was her birthday, but the girls just ignored her and focused on their card game. Not only had they forgotten Leah’s birthday; they wouldn’t give her a moment of attention. All their attention was on themselves and their game. The only attention they gave Leah was to scold her for slacking off on her duty to wash the dishes.

• No eye contact
• Facing away from her
• Indifferent or scolding tone of voice
• Uncaring, unsmiling facial expression
• No gestures, inexpressive body language

What happened because Helen was NotSmart?

• Leah came home full of excitement about her birthday. But after being completely ignored by her roommates and finding out that they had forgotten her birthday, her high spirits were totally deflated. She slunk away to her room to cry her eyes out. Now she feels like a big zero. Her most special day of the year has been ruined.
• Leah will probably be looking for new roommates. Why would she want to continue living with people who are so self-centered that they never show how much they appreciate her as a friend? Helen will not only lose a roommate; she’ll lose Leah as a friend. Maybe then she’ll appreciate how great a friend Leah was, but by then it’ll be too late.

How could Helen have been PeopleSmart?

Have students discuss how Helen could have been PeopleSmart in the same situation. Then tell students to watch the next part of the video to see one way Helen could have been PeopleSmart.

▶️ Start the video again.

⏸️ Stop the video when the “Pause for Discussion” title appears on the screen.

Step 3: Guided Discussion, Part 2

How was Helen PeopleSmart this time?

She threw a surprise party for Leah. She invited Leah’s friends, decorated the apartment, and gave Leah a big gift. She told Leah the party is to show their appreciation for all the great things Leah has done for them. Everyone’s attention is completely on Leah. They’re all here to celebrate her life and how much she means to them!

• Smiling and laughing
• Direct eye contact
• Body facing Leah
• Arm around Leah’s shoulder
• Affectionate, appreciative facial expression
• Warm tone of voice
• Singing “Happy Birthday”

What happened because Helen was PeopleSmart?

Leah was overwhelmed and moved to tears of joy. Being at the center of the love and appreciation of her friends has put her on an incredible high. She wants to thank all of them and give them a big hug. Their show of appreciation made this the best birthday of her life. Her friendship with Helen and everyone has been deepened.

What can we learn from this?

• As the psychologist, William James said, “The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated”. We live in a world of people. We make friends to find meaning in this social world. Being appreciated by our friends validates our existence and makes us fully human. We blossom like Leah in the second video vignette. But when friends fail to show us their appreciation, we end up like Leah in the first vignette: we shrivel up, we cease to exist, and our lives become meaningless.
• There are many ways to show appreciation. It doesn’t have to be something flamboyant like a party on a special occasion. In fact, the best appreciation is the kind you show every day, simply by putting your attention on your friends instead of on yourself. Just by being there for them, showing them that you’re looking out for their best interests, and doing all the PeopleSmart things we’ve learned in this program – that’s how you show your friends that you appreciate them and want to deepen your friendship.

Step 4: Activities

Have students create wall charts listing verbal and nonverbal behaviors that accompany

1. not showing appreciation, and
2. showing appreciation. Have students roleplay each of these behaviors.

Have students roleplay the NotSmart and PeopleSmart vignettes from the video. After each roleplay, have students discuss how they feel.

Remind students of the earlier discussion of instances when a friend showed them appreciation or they showed a friend appreciation. Have students roleplay these situations.

Have students create a wall chart listing different ways of showing appreciation, ranging from throwing a party to simple, everyday things.

Have students plan and have a party with the theme “A Celebration of Appreciation”.

• During the party, have each student take a turn on the “Appreciation Seat”.
• Instruct everyone else to tell this person the things they appreciate about him/ her.
• Conclude each student’s session on the “Appreciation Seat” by asking the student how he/she feels.

Have students:

• Roleplay a ceremony modeled after the Academy Awards, Emmys, MTV Awards, etc., in which each student gets up before the class and thanks “everyone who made this possible”.
• Express their appreciation to their parents and friends who have had a positive influence in their lives.
• Make a commitment to actually telling these people how much they appreciate them.
• Report back to the class on how these shows of appreciation went.

Have students roleplay TV or movie scenes in which a character shows appreciation to a friend.

Have students form small groups and create and perform rap songs entitled Thank You. Award prizes for each song’s performance.

Have students design T-shirts, buttons, drawings or paintings with the theme Friends Appreciate Friends.

Have students keep a journal of instances in which they show appreciation to their friends.

• Have them report their experiences to the class.
• Award “Friends Appreciate Friends” buttons to students who successfully show appreciation to friends.

Have the class assist students in learning from their experiences and developing strategies for being more successful in showing appreciation to friends.

Have students identify the negative consequences of not showing appreciation to a friend and the personal benefits of showing appreciation to a friend. Then have them create separate wall charts listing these consequences.